Thursday, April 28, 2005


I have recently taken to the pig nose as a sign of hope for tomorrow. I love the piggers. Hello to the next.



One thing that happened was an embarrassment, a revealing of personal items in the most unfortunate situation of public, of onlookers. The devices stopped working and the insides protruded outward with lack of concern on the part of the large beast that insisted on revelation. The timing could not have been worse.

Now I am a bloated mess. Intestines unraveled AGAIN through belly button. No one to help me. No wizardry, no calm. Only anger. Only indecent status of body, not good enough to go out in the world.

Crumpling plastic. True anger to the core.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

In Honor of Ham Paw

I bought this new bag. All I can think of is Hammy Hammy Paw Paw Paw. More accessories are needed to honor him in every way.


bad omen

All these things happened this morning.
1. Dead body in bag seen from bus window.
2. Large window in studio collapsed.
3. Toast tower crumbed due to weight of glass.

Clouds of Puffs

Ok. So. For now, I am deciding to give up my -cets and drink. For now. To try an experiment. I will spend more time in contemplation of the little things. I will contemplate water in a glass and bubbles that rise to the top. Refractions of sad faces, furrows in foreheads multiplying and turning rainbow-like. I will think of clouds and their loose tendril edges, their soft pillow nature. I will puff them up in my mind and make it soft in there instead of anxious. I will not worry so much. I WILL NOT! Time for positive edges and outward reaching.

Sidewalks are splitting and cracking and sucking me into the under-vortexes and it is TOO MUCH FUN DOWN THERE! There is a fiend convention under the slabs, if only you will allow yourself to visit.

I will save my krunk for the weekends. I want to make loose bundles and hairy landscapes. Toast fabrications.

Wish me luck, as in good luck to me.


Most people are not aware of the poison that partway consumes them every day. It starts from the outside and moves quickly, transdermally, beneath the skin. You cannot stop the malabsorption. All you know is that you wake up and feel somewhat ok, and then by 3 or 4 pm you want to kill yourself or at least numb the pains with pills, drink, ice and the like. What could accomplish such a poisoning but poison itself? You may feel this is a passive worldview and therefore problematic once again, but here is where you and I may differ. It's ok! You can still read my blog and comment on it if you want to. I am into dissenting opinions. I am broadening, as they say, becoming less of a Mountain Man Tyrant.

Bonjour to newness! Bonjour to poison! Even if it is eating me alive.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Almost Armless

This weekend I cut my arm off due to the despair of lack of artistic thoughts. Luckily I had a sewing kit with a large needle and heavy duty thread with which I mended my amputated left limb. It is very red and I am totally wasted from all the shots of Tequila I had to do. Also I have aquired a large amount of drug ending in -cet. So I am "good to go" as those goons sometimes say.


Sunday, April 24, 2005

Turning From One Into The Other

I cannot really dwell on the degree of suffering that we are experiencing due to lack of ability to comment and lack of ability to commune and intone. TERROR is what I am feeling, truly bad, truly inadequate.

First, I must say that tonight was a successful meeting of monstrousness and kindness. There were the moments of song, the moments of hand dancing, the delivery of speech impedimentation and the tunes from prior generations played at a low level in the background, insinuating violence.

Happy to meet you. Happy to have made your aquaintance. I am you and you are a lizard. You are a rapist. This is fine. You will don rape pants and prance like a donkey, sneaking upon your victims with faux entrancement language, like I am doing to you now. Watch yourself. A rape may happen without warning. I know this is not a joke, it is nothing funny to make light of.

We are still wondering what is sexy. It is opaque and dull and not for us to know now.



Friday, April 22, 2005

I am sad

Blogger is fouling. Spells must be cast.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Nighttime Over-abundance

Here we are, ready to pounce on the darkness from car seats on the highway. There are police blockading us from getting where we need to go and we are high on life. I am so high on morphine. I can't help it, I became addicted the day before yesterday while at work. I found a secret stash in the office supply closet, behind the neverending sky high stack of post-its. I semi like post-its.

Dear Ham Paw, I am looking forward to Saturday's festive incantatory rabbit-hutch-style meetings and sacred communal laugh showers. I am saving and shrinking and celebrating in anticipation. Delight is the name of the game of the day. I love thee.


These are some different beards I am thinking of. Please let me know which is your favorite and why. I would like to know! That's all.

. . . .

Love truly is a treasure. So is a nice full bushy beard. Cheers to me!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Tap Tap Tap

There is no satisfaction here. We were ready to eat breasts and cut each other open. That was a go-ahead. Unfortunately a thwarting happened and what came to pass was nothing. We wait. And still nothing changes. However the grasses are wilding in the spring warmth. The bees are going to descend like hovercrafts. It is no secret that allergic reactions will proliferate and worms will emerge and multiply.

It is so nice out. My skin is still curdling but my beard is a help in hiding the misfortune within.

Heavy Lids

Puffy under eye parts. Crumpled skin. Laser-fingers for no good purpose. Not yet. Tangles and tousles without relaxation. Poison tongue accompaniment, dour-sounding piano music, tap-tap-tap on keyboard in head. Very outmoded, abstract. Try to patch on thighs again. Make post-music. Wail and ululate inside brain-squish. Have cleansings. Eat, drink lightly. Discipline self, attend sessions. Become lither, pay better attention, wear less. Do not chicken. Burn overalls.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Try to remember the paw of the mind reaching out for FUN! Because today is a harrowing journey from start to finish. The weeps are coming on strong. MM has to move this way and that through the tunnels and around the pylons. He will try to stay within his assigned quadrant but he can make no promises. A visit to the rotund of foul one is part of today. MM must not chicken out again as he did on Friday. Focus!!! Make counting part of the day. Choose something strange to count and play a game of C*NT ALERT without the C*NTs.

MM is running late. He needs to trim his nose hairs.

Monday, April 18, 2005


I am saying YES!! I want it. Life is maximum high stakes good. To life!!! I feel Hebrew. Social fragmentation and the pressures of modern life are not worrying to me now. It is FUN I am after. Where will the fun start, is my next project. This is the paw of my mind, reaching out to life.


As you can see, it is not made of Ham. But here is a syllogism for you to remember:

The lack of ham does not preclude magic.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

More Metal, Less Flesh

Is the rule of the day today. I will wear loose, lightweight, casual clothes on my trip to the piercing parlor today. I have all kinds of metal dreams for my forehead, nipples, bum, and torso. When the pierced and/or enhanced places are less raw, I will switch to gutsier outfits. But for now, in my nervousness, I need the comfort of soft clothing. When I emerge, I will be a new MM with the following modifications:

1. Horns like Pan (one half goat - get it? - and the other half man)
2. Pierced nipples (this, I know, is no biggy, but it needed to be done)
3. Metal plates in bum cheeks
4. Rubber bands threaded with needles in long rows on either side of my torso.

Next Sunday is the tattoo parlor. Today is for metallurgy.

Saturday, April 16, 2005


Your paws are the best paws of ham!!! Ham is so tasty. It was so smart for you to use ham to cut your paws out of. HAM PAW!!! You are the nation's most idealistic spiritual guide. Please take us to the cleansing!!! We celebrate your genius!!!!!!!!

Have a very happy day.

Friday, April 15, 2005


Who can help me make one up? I need to conjure. This is vague, I know, but I cannot tell you why. Shhhh. Very shhhhh. Please help if you can. Intone and calibrate with unique turns of phrase. We must.

Me Teaching PD to Heel

I am sorry to reveal your true identity, PD. But I had to show people what it really means to love.


My New Sculpture

I have a saw and whittler beneath my desk and I have been working on this sculpture all week. It is coming along nicely, I think. I hope you like it too. I am anticipating inclusion in an interesting group show very very soon.



Hello. I am crinkly cut again today. The very best is to be expected all day long, into the evening, despite all the warning signs of traumatic discourse.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Eyes of Newness

These are the eyes I've fashioned from one of my favorite signature materials, marzipan. I have encased them in polyurethene for longer lastingness. I will poke out the eyes of all my friends and myself and replace them with non-functioning but decorative new eyes. We will see more inwardly and dispense oracular passages in the long dark hours. Who wants some?


Wednesday, April 13, 2005


I cannot believe I am finally on target again. I missed everyone today. I have cut my tongue with a long sword. I am financing my bad habits with high profits from Ned's. Thanks to everyone for keeping it packed every night. NED'S IS HOT STUFF. We were all there, oiling each other's tingles last night. Drinking love tonic and biting the foreskins. Krixfort spoke to herself through her puppet hands. It was intense. She didn't even see me.

Did you know that the promise of feeling terrible and wrong is what guides MM from one experience to the next? Why should he bother doing anything, completing any task, interacting with anyone if there is no promise of problematic residue, no bitter after-sting, no sickness to consume the skin? Injury is what makes MM real, not health. It's sadness not calm, quietude, or plenitude. I know this is a faulty and downtrodden worldview but I am hopeful that I am not alone in it.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Dude Ranch

I have vowed to ride horses at a desert dude ranch. I will traverse dry arrojos and speak of the future, as though it’s something friendly, something worth aspiring to. I will amble along sandy paths with my well-behaved horse counterpart, trying to distance myself from the wrecks I cause every day in everyone.

This will be me and my new cowgirl-style hussy. She will heel when I tell her to.


Monday, April 11, 2005

Twinkly Goodness

The dinoplastic undernation is my true home. The prequel to the ideas that consume us so concurrently is my point of emanation. I wish to silently go back.

I am thinking a lot about smokestacks lately. I am pining for their sooty gusts. I want to open my mouth wide and hold it in place with a clamp. I am not afraid of the drool that is sure to spill out. I will hover above a smoky open top and inhale the toxic gray billow. It is an experiment that will lead to unhealth, but I am so sorely not worried about that.

Beth is sleeping in a tent on the sidewalk outside my apartment building. I don't have the heart to call the cops. She really wants to move back in. It seems this Geno character was just a ruse to get me jealous. It didn't work and now she is whittling away my callousness by trying to make me feel bad for her. It is semi-working. I may let her back in early tomorrow. Another night on the pavement is good for her, no?

What a twinkly day it was today. I practically couldn't see anything. That is good. Thank you for being you.

Love and kisses,


Sunday, April 10, 2005

A Weekend by the Swamp

Mountain Man went to see his parents this weekend. He has something to admit. His mother does not wear a violet cape down to the ground, as was previously asserted in an earlier MM post. This post was false. She also does not poison his delicious MM stew with spiders, this too was false. Similarly, MM’s father is not a skeleton of an unusually tall man. MM’s dad is very much alive and truth be told, he is quite an upstanding guy. His mother is a dart-about with misfiring synapses. She is excitable and likes the colors yellow and green best. She can spin yarn with her nimble fingers and catch birds with her prickly tongue. MM’s father is winsome and sturdy, he wields twigs with purpose. He builds small dwellings for neighborhood dwarves. All in all, they are a generous couple. Good! Their home is in the hinterlands, surrounded by gnarling trees and mythical animals that threaten to open the doors with their mouths. Generally, my parents have these breaking-and-entering beasts under control. They have a small soundbox that emits a high frequency pitch that cannot be heard by human or semi-human ears. When the pitch comes on, the animals keep their distance. They have an understanding.

When I visit, my parents harvest frogs from the nearby swamp and we bbq them with a delicious sweet and spicy sauce. We drink violent potions and go to bed early. My parents then wake up early to pat the grass with enlarged hands, like one might pat a cat or a friendly dog. But MM sleeps heavily and late, because he needs to rest from his urban doomsday life. In my life, as you know, I have a rancid cubicle-oriented day job that threatens to sap my gonads of juice. The rest of my time is spent either tethering unidentifiable hussies or attempting to menace strangers with unruly attitudes and public derangements. Also I build simple structures from stale bread and glue. Oh and have you heard the good news? Beth and I have finally split. The dithering is done! The jig is up! She could no longer tolerate my lunatic rantings and heinous beatings. Also she felt quite physically threatened by some of the aggressive talk on my blog and let’s be honest, she is just not as creative and exciting as MM and she was jealous of all the attention I was getting. She has moved to Ohio to be closer to her kissing cousin, Geno. I feel nothing in response. I am saving my emotions for less rational events.

Friday, April 08, 2005


I have delicate yet fierce guts!! These guts are suffering in a swollen gassy way, but what's worse is the placement of the dogs! The dogs are clearly visible. They jut out in the vicinity of my belly button and then in other places I have extra rows of plump ribs. My large intestines are clogged with hot dog dough. I can see the mini wieners lined up waiting to exit. And in the morning I make tubular rock gardens.


Last night I punched Beth in the head. She fell down. She tipped over backwards and fell down to the black and white speckled floor. As she fell, the gum she was chewing fell out of her slightly open mouth. I love the look of chewed gum.

I don't want to say what happened next. It was sexy, I'll just say that.

I am going to the snack bar for hot dogs and nachos today, and no one can stop me, not even my ill-tempered tum.

I may be thrown out of reality this weekend, it is something I am actually quite worried about. If I am, I promise to go without a fight, I don't want to create worse problems for those who know me, the ones who would most likely throw me out. It's ok. I am ready for banishment. I know what the deal is.

Have a delicious, pain-free day, everyone. I will try to do the same.

Thursday, April 07, 2005


It is a challenge to wake up and get up and get ready and go out. Another challenge is eating 10 hot dogs. More later. Now I must excavate.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Today This Is Me

I am not as cute as I normally am. Tomorrow, hopefully, the hairline will recede back down and I will not look so alarmed. I am so alarming!


Overnight Intensity Meeting

Shhhhh!!!! It is so late, it is approximately 1:30 am and Mountain Man is awake and can't sleep. The daytime is far off so I must establish a nighttime Intensity Meeting of the Minds. We are on a bus to Weehawken, which is a town at an insecure location that I am unfamiliar with. On the bus there is talk of spirituality and the like, all forms of intensity and favorite foods. One favorite that we all agree on is pudding. Another is Polish Chew. If you have never had Polish Chew you are truly missing out on a great treat, it comes in so many flavors and is stretchy like taffy. Sweet and stretchy, two qualities worth emphasizing.

The babies have temporarily stopped plaguing but I am sure they will resume their monstrous multi-faceted attack in the morning. I know about hiding in the hairbrush, the tacos, the glass of water, the hard drive. We are onto you babies. You cannot win this round.

Bad Babies


. .

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


The babies are closing in. I am safe under my desk until 5, then I must take out the mace. I have a heavy heart about this but it cannot be avoided. Piles of soft baby poo are building and I hear there is a urine and drool river making it's way down 7th Ave. Fairy Bulter has a spell. If that doesn't work poke them in the eyes. Effective, yes. Grody, yes.

Bad Baby

There is going to be a new movement of bad babies attacking. That is all I'm allowed to say. I am patting my hands in my lap again, creating unique polyrhythms. I am very post-music.

Have a nice day everyone and if you see a large baby that looks like Danny Devito coming towards you, I'm just saying, I would definitely run.



Monday, April 04, 2005

I'm a watcher.

There is a breakdown in my vicinity. I'm watching closely to monitor the flarings. There is bleakness, a tendency to trip, anxieties, overactive heart, scowls, shakey hands, embarassing dampness. I want to help, but I'm afraid to get close and get caught by the enemy. There are many traps involved, a number of which are hidden underground below the hairline.

The cure is as follows:

Curt responses are helpful.
avoid eye contact as always with a renewed vigor.
My eye is on the tiger which is set at 5 o clock.
do not exercise.

This Morning

Is rancid and sad. My eyes will not open and my angry planet with no moons is very much out of alignment and in fact probably has left the solar system for good. The possibility of finding moons for this planet is almost none right now, a window of opportunity may open up again in the near future, but for now, disappearance may be its fate. I am hoping angry planet will return to its rightful alignment. I do not believe in astrology but in this particular case, truly everything will be out of whack until

1. Inhabitants are allowed to return to angry planet.
2. Angry planet gets back on its righful orbit.
3. Angry planet forgives its inhabitants for rampant pillaging and hyperactivity.
4. Angry planet realizes that its orbit will not be as fruitful without inhabitants to initiate rituals in celebration of said orbit.
5. Angry planet recommences search for moons immediately.
5. Hyperactive inhabitants apologize and promise not to fatalistically predict what will happen in the coming seasons when they have no facts to base their predictions on.

I am hoping things get back to normal soon.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

This was on my leg

I found this growing out of my left thigh this morning. I removed it with dull scissors and now I think I am in trouble.

Losing and Failing

Is not the topic of this post. Isn't it unfortunate to lose an hour of sleep? My head is banging murderously from the combination of tequila and red wine. I am unlucky yet I am ready to give birth to new ideas.

Here is what I am imagining:

A small fortress in the woods surrounding the suburbs. It is a fortress made of stone. There is a small tacky restaurant inside the fortress that makes amazinig chicken tenders with spicy dipping sauce. There are pictures of local residents on the walls, they are not so unattractive as you would think. There is a small dance floor. I go out onto the dance floor by myself, after having fortified myself with the tenders. I remove my shirt to reveal my strange hairy chest. I get on my knees and wait for strangeness to rain down upon me. I am wearing a heavy belt and cowboy boots with my blue corduroys. I am covered in so much fur, no one can believe it. The owner threatens to have me removed, yet I stay in one spot motionless. Eventually the epiphanies roll over me. I understand everything all at once. That is my imagining for this morning.

I need to go partake of some coffee now. I am excited about this evening as I will be headed directly to Ned's for chumliness and good will.

Saturday, April 02, 2005


I want to conjure the toad on a miserable rainy day like today. I want the toad play to come into focus for me. Beth is helping to get my back in a "U" shape. The incidence of the toad might help the angry planet with no moons. I can understand this, I am always in need of something. Right now, as I assume the difficult but soothing toad formula, I am wanting to see a mermaid with no shirt on. Maybe Beth will play dress up with me. And if she won't then I will find someone else who will. I am thinking of a certain Marla who I know will play whatever I want. We may take a day trip to Jersey for some bowling and other stuff that I don't want to say. She will wear what I tell her. I will tell her to wear a tutu and a neck brace. Wow.

Friday, April 01, 2005


to act normal. I have on some excellent pants and I want to make friends with my enemies from the men's bathroom real bad.

Fiend Convention

Last night I attended a meeting of the Fiend Society of America. Here are some interesting people I met:

. .

I am looking forward to future activities and fellowship with fiends.