Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Crumpled: A Tale of Yuck

This is how I feel today. Yesterday I moved my studio to a temporary space in Williamsburg. It is ok but in someone's apartment which I will have to get used to. I miss my old space, it really was too good to be true. Here is an unpleasant story: my landlady (psychotic) was renting from the building owners and about 20 or more people were renting from her. She had sued the building a while back saying she had neurological damage from a kiln in someone's space. Tests were done - there was no toxic anything, she was just trying to get money. The building couldn't stand her anymore and initiated eviction proceedings. Basically she knew she was going to have to be out along with all her tenants back in February. The building stopped accepting her rent checks. HOWEVER she kept collecting rent from us, her tenants, without telling us until a month beforehand that we had to be out. I did not pay May rent, but I believe she owes me $1700 and I want it. Now.

But wait, listen, there is more. Monday night I was packing up my space, preparing to move out today, the last day of the month. She barged in without knocking, scared the crap out of me and told me I had to be out yesterday morning because she was going to call a locksmith and change the locks. I was not prepared, no truck, not finished wrapping up, etc. She would not tell me when she would be changing the locks, just no, not Wednesday, you have to leave tomorrow or else. She was shaking like a freak the whole time. Then I heard her outside yelling at my next door neighbors for not taking her art supplies that she left for them. Next thing I knew I was walking out of my bathroom to find 2 policemen in my space. I was totally freaked out. She was there saying that there had been an intruder somewhere on the floor. I had no clue what she was talking about. Apparently she had gotten scared by one of the guys helping to move someone out because she did not recognize him. So she called the police?? Three cop cars came. For nothing. They left right away but I have to tell you it was incredibly bizarre to have police surprise you for absolutely no reason. Fun.

Anyway. Yesterday was an intense high speed move into the new space. I have never moved so much so fast. But it's done!!!

I hope that now I will get some of my blog mojo back. Maybe it's having a show up, having to move, etc., but I need to get my inspiration back. The trances must return to the brain stem. I am crumpled like paper but ready to move forward.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Attention: Treasure Trove

The time is now for the Christian T-Shirt. I am ready.

Or, for that special lady in your life:

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I am a Zoo

There are many animals in my head and gut that tremble in the rains and create manure for the gardens of the future. We are all zooming around the pens together, mating and defecating, licking the furs or feathers, pecking, gnawing and blowing bubbles, depending on whatever. Sometimes the pens are watery, sometimes sandy, sometimes in possession of lovely fake rock piles made of papier mache. The penguins have turned their backs to the visitors, it is fun to ignore them, especially while they are licking sweets and crunching salties. I better get back to my zoo.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Fresh Steps Towards Less

Hi everyone. I am asking for mercy in the form of a painless euthanasia. Think of ways to murder me without consequence and I will plan a funeral party that you will not soon forget. I can entice you with green bean casserole and plenty of gummy worms, moist beer and well-iced cups of cake. I am no longer interested in life, there has been an ebbing, a dip if you will in my desire to bring productions to the earth. This is not meant to be melodramatic and no one should worry. Please leave fun, creative ideas for dying in my comments section. I will see you sometime later in the lessness of everything. Farewell!!!!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Partnering and Buckets

My eyes keep closing to reveal the strangest scenarios, here's one - like wooden buckets rimmed with strands of green hairlike algae. These buckets come down an assembly line on a conveyor belt. They are used for something, but I am not sure what. There are people who are angry with me for not knowing what the buckets do after they've reached the end of the conveyor belt. I just don't know. Do the authorities now come to sieze these naughty buckets? Are they ruffians, these buckets? I am being asked about their qualities, their intentions, their liquid possessions. No matter how close I look, I can't tell what their purpose is. And yet, here are ready buckets, coated in the finest emerald green algae. There is a glut of useless buckets in the factory. Everyone seems dazed.

In the meantime, I am thinking of studying nude yoga. I have found something exciting that I would like to share it with you:

Thursday, May 11, 2006


I would like to rest in this position today. The brain will succumb to the hand smush on back in order to calm itself. I will drink sody pop and the bubbles will confirm my findings. See you later!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Hi from the swamp. The swamp asks for your forgiveness and understanding in the form of yes's.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

A Refreshing Drink

The show is hung and lit and open a few days early. In celebration I have decided to pour myself some clear carbonated sweetened delight. Oh did I fail to mention my arm got sawed off by some bandits but they politely replaced it with this bionic dinker. Do you think I look old?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Done Done

I cannot believe it is true but it is. The paintings left the studio this morning, I was there in the wee hours and then the early hours and then finally they exited. I could not be more pleased and relieved. There has been only one sacrifice in this unholy endeavor and that is my voice. I sound like I imagine Frogs should, I am in possession of laryngitis. You would not think that painting would lead to voice capacity reduction but think again - this is a warning for all you who are considering switching careers. Speaking of switching careers, Corny has an excellent list of alternatives for those of us who are wanting to switch out of the unwholesome bipolar career of fine arts. Here is my list:

1. Tail Grower
2. Device Holder
3. Food Weigher
4. Penis Trafficker
5. Swimming Pool

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Naughty Bruiser

Do you think he shaved himself or was it perpetrated upon him? He is fierce in his sitting stance, he is ready to become more fleshly, to commune with me or you. Hi shaved kitty, you look very strange today.