Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Dude Ranch

I have vowed to ride horses at a desert dude ranch. I will traverse dry arrojos and speak of the future, as though it’s something friendly, something worth aspiring to. I will amble along sandy paths with my well-behaved horse counterpart, trying to distance myself from the wrecks I cause every day in everyone.

This will be me and my new cowgirl-style hussy. She will heel when I tell her to.

.

127 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is nice, MM. But please, be nicer to your ladies. They are nice to you, I know. I am nice. Be nice.

Anonymous said...

Heeling is nice.
If you are nice, you will heel.

Anonymous said...

That is admirable, MM, though I doubt very much you actually cause wrecks. I bet you anticipate them and this causes you more stress than the people you are trying to protect. It does not matter if your reasoning is faulty, hit the plains, the future is what we make it.
Hi Ho.

Mountain Man said...

Thanks Bob, that is so nice!!! You are too nice.

Anonymous said...

Oh MM. I totally know how you feel. It is hard to forget about the people.

Anonymous said...

I come from a dude ranch. It is hard.

Anonymous said...

I nearly fell down an escalator today. What else, I disconnected myself, that’s another thing. The horse is the method of transformation from minus into plus.

Anonymous said...

Yo yo yo whazzup bandejos? I am mixing it up today - smokin good. MM, you needs to surf those scabby plains of the desert to find you a willing ladee. Then you gotsta krunk it up and lick that desert toad.

Anonymous said...

Wazzzup bad boys, bleets, and girls?? I am speeding down the highway...looking for adventure..and whatever comes my way.

Anonymous said...

what a lame-ass photo. This chick has no F***** tits!

Anonymous said...

Beth--is she STILL alive?? Really, I think she is causing harm to your digestive function.

Anonymous said...

i am on my way to the intestines of all artistic bloggers.

Anonymous said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhklahoma, where the golgi spill across the plains.....

Anonymous said...

I can't believe this blog. Actually, blog culture in general sorta freaks me out, I mean, I am only 17 and I am exposed to so much stuff here. Like endless ramblings on poo and all sorts of sexual stuff, and like, bodily stuff too. Wow. I can't believe it.

Mountain Man said...

Stacey, please get real. I know you are up to much worse shenanigans than all of us.

HEY FABEEBLES!!!! Please teach me how to Krunk it up. I am lost in this piss mix.

Anonymous said...

I am ready to be played and learned. I am here at the request of Ham Paw. I am here to silently arrive in your bodies and allow the first steps of contortion. Your pipes must be cleaned in order for me to get into you. I am sure you are already aware of what this means.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I am foiled again. The roof of my head is trying to come off in the wind. This is not a toupee.

Anonymous said...

I hate Toad.

Anonymous said...

okay, like, I do get drunk with my friends a lot.

Anonymous said...

Hey Stacey. Wanna hang out after school some day this week? I have some delicious jellybeans to offer you.

Anonymous said...

Sure, like, I looooooooooooove jelly beans. Are they Jelly Bellies?

Anonymous said...

Hi MM and possie. I've been hanging back, checking out the scene and what not.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Stacey, yes they are. I would love to take you around. You sound very sweet.

Hi PD. Wanna rock out?

Mountain Man said...

Stan, I would stay away from Stacey if I were you. I have this feeling she is not what you are looking for, I do not believe she is 17. I know you like to exert predation on young girls, you foolish pervert. Are you the same as Sexual Predator? He gives me the skeevies.

Anonymous said...

I am warning you all for the last time.

Anonymous said...

Am too 17.

Anonymous said...

I am 66 and still having hot flashes, mood swings, and slips of the pee.

Anonymous said...

What's really fantastic about cowboys is that they raped and killed almost the entire indiginous population of America, a feat the Nazi's could only dream of; setting the standard for todays Amerikkkans who tour the globe raping and killing anyone with a different skin colour. And burning down their fucking trees.

Anonymous said...

Hey Cocksucker...you have a whiff of the Skateboard about you.

Anonymous said...

OK MM,

It's time to KrUNk it up!!! Suck up that cactus juice my man with your lickety stick. C'mon and feel it spazzoids! You know what I am talking about - huh!

To get it on proper like you've got to keep it all in order:

1. Ride that hussy like a pony - feel the sand breeze tickle your toesies.

2. When you see the crimson gazebo you are getting there. Open your eyes and taste the waste.

3. Mix up the piss. Add a little sugar on top.

4. The toads'll be hollering and raising their arms like they just don't care. Give em' a little love and toast to the cacti. Then the licking can begin.

5. YOU ARE NOW ENTERING KRUNK ZONE.

Anonymous said...

sigh. C.S. or cs, whichever. your diatribes are tiresome.

Anonymous said...

C.S. is just in need of a good spanking!

Anonymous said...

I am shedding a single tear while looking at a traffic jam.

Anonymous said...

I am shedding a single tear while looking at rat army H.Q.

Anonymous said...

why did they have to give me an indian name? why?

Anonymous said...

I never got my free white man blanket. Thank Raven and Zod.

Anonymous said...

I never got my free white man blanket either, Haida. I sure like to drink though.

Mmmmmmm Mmmmmmm bitch!

Anonymous said...

MM, PD, FB,
I heart all of you! It is a glorious day. NO skullfuckers allowed!

I even like pinkeye today.

Anonymous said...

Ditto for me Krix. No skull-effers allowed. I do like Baptist Rollerblades though

Anonymous said...

Hi TROLL!!!

We're gonna do Pirates tomorrow on CNN in Tasmania. Will you watch us?

Right now we are playing RISK, a game of global domination. Do you want to join in?

By the way troll, I am not imaginary. I am real. Just like Pinnocchio.

Anonymous said...

Mountain Man, we are on separate schedules these days it seems. I hope you are doing well!

xoxox,
krixish

Anonymous said...

Yes, my little Pino. is real.

Anonymous said...

Greetings spiritualists and associatives. The rodeo is metaphoric for the capturing of wild sensory expansions. One must reign them in, so to speak.

Anonymous said...

I'M GOING TO BONE YOUR FACE HAM PAW

Anonymous said...

i love smokin ham

Anonymous said...

Smoking is against the principles of hop scotch and your futuristic commotions of the spiritual naturals.

Anonymous said...

Ham Paw...you need a hop of the scotch this afternoon.

Anonymous said...

I take Spiritual Naturals supplements all the time. This is to restore the positive flora in my intestinal tract.

Anonymous said...

magnesium citrate. 2 words to live by.

Anonymous said...

I LIKE TO GIVE MYSELF SPIRITUAL ENEMA'S

Anonymous said...

Pressures exposed intestines are treasures to behold.

Anonymous said...

I have had a spiritual enema. They went through my nasal passages--which was very painful. Now I am sore and my mucus membranes are damaged.

Anonymous said...

I've heard that Horses do not need enemas. They are resistant to nasal malfunctions.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever seen a nasal enema? It requires gauze.

Anonymous said...

yes gause, and tweezers if you go down the wrong chute

Anonymous said...

yes i like them, they tingle my bungle berry

Anonymous said...

How did you get your name asshole? Not insulting. Just wondering.

Anonymous said...

I once got a spiritual enema and they went through my C U Next Tuesday.

Anonymous said...

My mother named me. what's it to you?

Anonymous said...

hey asshole stop pretending to be me. my dad named me, the iyatola assahola

Anonymous said...

You are a disgrace to my good name!

Anonymous said...

you took my name. Everyone is talking to me all the time. Everywhere I go. Now you....

Anonymous said...

Why I oughtta...

Anonymous said...

What you gonna do? I'm the first. Nobody can touch me cause I'm the ultimate evil.

Anonymous said...

I created you...and I can destroy you with one gassy meal!

Anonymous said...

pretend if you wish. I have the power. I am the FIRST. I fart in your general direction.

Anonymous said...

HEY! break it up! I wish we could all chill out a little

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'll chilli it out alright.

Anonymous said...

JESSICA. One more word and you will discover the orgins of my name.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the first and i.a. should like get married or start a band. I.A. is female right?

Anonymous said...

No--I'm male you idiot. My wife, Alyah Assahola could never beat the crap outta my son.

Anonymous said...

I am shocked by all this ass talkin'

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna gag little bobby. Care to join me?

Anonymous said...

Hey first--I'm the biggest, baddest A-hole--got it Mother Effer!

Anonymous said...

I'm back, full solar anus blazing. I will destroy you all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

wow--solar anus! I think you may be able to solve our energy problem.

Anonymous said...

listen up. Who here needs a high colonic? The first may need some assistance....

Anonymous said...

I need a high colonic down low.

Anonymous said...

Hey retard, what do you mean by down low. It is down low. I'm sorry to be so literal... but what exactly are you saying anonymous. I don't think you make sense because I seriously doubt that you have ever had a high colonic. I have and let me tell you... I'll never forget it. I was a child.

Anonymous said...

My vagina is terrorizing my anus. None of you could possibly know what this is like. Can you imagine what it is like to have football sized kidney stones come out of you and into your bad anus every hour?

Anonymous said...

That was plus into minus. I much prefer minus into plus. Can you comprende?

Anonymous said...

You must all stop and try again. Please try to reconcile and speak with meaning and purpose.

Anonymous said...

Ham Paw, please help to restore order. I locate you in the throngs of seepage.

Anonymous said...

I wish everyone would come over and eat pasta with me. Then we can all experience the gastrointestinal invasions together.

Mountain Man said...

There is a porpoise swimming outside my window. Well done! I didn't know you could breathe air. I love porpoise actions.

Mountain Man said...

Ham Paw is an invasion I enjoy from time to time. Until he enrages me gonads. Then I spank him. He punishes my by negating my spirituality. We get back at each other.

Anonymous said...

I am using myself up. I have shaved so many times and my skin is now black.

Anonymous said...

i need some baby back ribs

Anonymous said...

Bernard you must not be so raw on your tender skin. It is not for sawing at. You must love yourself in the mirror each morning noon and night.

Mountain Man said...

Back fat who cares? Tell me something exciting.

Mountain Man said...

I had ribs in my juice this a.m. It was a savory juice, a new juice to behold.

Anonymous said...

I have a purpose. I cannot tell you what it is.

Anonymous said...

there is nothing exciting about me. I like strip malls.

Anonymous said...

I like strippers. Backfat do you strip? I'd like to see that.

Mountain Man said...

I like strip malls too. And porpoise meat on crackers. I am a nonimage of your brain. I project myself into the center.

Anonymous said...

where is your wallet? I need your money.

Anonymous said...

if porpoises weren't so cute, we'd eat them too.

Anonymous said...

I challenge you to a game of Cutting and Scrapings. I will use a trowel to scrape and blunt scissors to cut. It is a strong game, I am very skilled, I do not want you to lose but you probably will. I wasn't so violent before I started drinking vodka.

Mountain Man said...

Bleet you must calm yourself. I have a chomper biting at my leg, under my desk. I hate it.

Mountain Man said...

Krixfort, I miss our communations. It's been so long but I want you to know the directives of love towards you. please soak up my fun. Please meet me at Ned's later. We will do shots of love tonic and bite.

Anonymous said...

what are you talking about MM?
I fail to catch your drift so to speak.

Anonymous said...

I am unwilling to let go of my hopes for you. Porpoise you are mal.

Mountain Man said...

Ham Paw, what do you need to know? are You a gassy folly or are you in control of my meats today? I want to know. My gasses are protruding out the eyes. I am banished to the throne of enticement.

Mountain Man said...

Ham Paw, let me slice your paw and eat it. I want to honor your uniqueness by self consuming you.

Anonymous said...

Excrement or enticement. Have you been pained in the side yesterday due to bowel filling and lacking of extrusions?

Anonymous said...

Ham Paw, I will do as you wish.

Mountain Man said...

Enticement. I have been bound to the honor of lack of feeding on badness. I know what I am to consume, I know what I am not to consume. It is wishful.

Anonymous said...

note. Do not ear the man with the stick. That is the first principle. I had a meeting yesterday with a doctor. My pains were abdominal of course. This is the practical reprecusions of the continuations of extrusions in wonderment.

Mountain Man said...

The switch occurs now without my planning it. Very exciting. I no longer see rabbits behind my computer. I no longer need to look demons in the eye.

Mountain Man said...

I am no longer willing to choose sticks when there are other less painless options. I can enter your repercussions without fear. Please allow me to partner with you.

Anonymous said...

I am special due to the shortened intestine.

Mountain Man said...

THe shorter the intestine, the larger the fun sac, is what my doktor told me.

Anonymous said...

We will partner on Sat. I will loosen the earthly ties of suctioning.

Anonymous said...

Heretofore unmentioned is the effectiveness of the Neck Meteor. Someday I will get the appreciation I need.

Mountain Man said...

I look forward to connecting to your tubular tissues. I will wrap my fortress of knowing around your intuition. Please be with me during the quakes on Sat.

Anonymous said...

My intestine is learning to stretch. Such is the powers of the spiritual enlightenment for the beginner in me that is also you in ways that are considerably compressed. Your mind is alterable, but nimble in it's eager agreement to the hop scotch treatment. I will initiate.

Anonymous said...

My intestine is learning to stretch. Such is the powers of the spiritual enlightenment for the beginner in me that is also you in ways that are considerably compressed. Your mind is alterable, but nimble in it's eager agreement to the hop scotch treatment. I will initiate.

Mountain Man said...

I am eager for you to intuit the hop scotch and bring me to learning of goodness vs. loveliness. We will not have to choose. The light is mine and yours. You are stretching beyond comprehension. I love your tangles.

Anonymous said...

my tangles are neurons of splendor. I have just now entered the trance state in the principles of the hop scotch. I gesture to the heavens from which I am one. you will join in this festivity! It is freeing only after initiation.

Anonymous said...

pleasure centers on. Pain suctioned off.

Anonymous said...

I want to initiate. Who are you. A tangle?

Mountain Man said...

Ham Paw. I want to crawl into your tendrils and say nonsense tracts.

Anonymous said...

bleet. Your time has not yet come. MM is ready but you must prove yourself willing. Your abilities will be structurally differentiated.

Anonymous said...

My tendrils are thick with wisdom. Some are nauseated by the pungent smell of truth.

Anonymous said...

I wanna lose ten pounds--can a high colonic weekend do that for me?

Anonymous said...

hay fabeebels!
what's shakin daddy?

Anonymous said...

mm i miss you