Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Dude Ranch

I have vowed to ride horses at a desert dude ranch. I will traverse dry arrojos and speak of the future, as though it’s something friendly, something worth aspiring to. I will amble along sandy paths with my well-behaved horse counterpart, trying to distance myself from the wrecks I cause every day in everyone.

This will be me and my new cowgirl-style hussy. She will heel when I tell her to.

.

129 comments:

Nice Lady said...

That is nice, MM. But please, be nicer to your ladies. They are nice to you, I know. I am nice. Be nice.

pinkeye said...

Heeling is nice.
If you are nice, you will heel.

bob said...

That is admirable, MM, though I doubt very much you actually cause wrecks. I bet you anticipate them and this causes you more stress than the people you are trying to protect. It does not matter if your reasoning is faulty, hit the plains, the future is what we make it.
Hi Ho.

mountain man said...

Thanks Bob, that is so nice!!! You are too nice.

Bleet said...

Oh MM. I totally know how you feel. It is hard to forget about the people.

Anonymous said...

I come from a dude ranch. It is hard.

Bleet said...

I nearly fell down an escalator today. What else, I disconnected myself, that’s another thing. The horse is the method of transformation from minus into plus.

fabeebles said...

Yo yo yo whazzup bandejos? I am mixing it up today - smokin good. MM, you needs to surf those scabby plains of the desert to find you a willing ladee. Then you gotsta krunk it up and lick that desert toad.

Baptist Rollerblader said...

Wazzzup bad boys, bleets, and girls?? I am speeding down the highway...looking for adventure..and whatever comes my way.

C.S. said...

what a lame-ass photo. This chick has no F***** tits!

self-defecator said...

Beth--is she STILL alive?? Really, I think she is causing harm to your digestive function.

Harm said...

i am on my way to the intestines of all artistic bloggers.

bad broadway singer said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhklahoma, where the golgi spill across the plains.....

Stacey said...

I can't believe this blog. Actually, blog culture in general sorta freaks me out, I mean, I am only 17 and I am exposed to so much stuff here. Like endless ramblings on poo and all sorts of sexual stuff, and like, bodily stuff too. Wow. I can't believe it.

mountain man said...

Stacey, please get real. I know you are up to much worse shenanigans than all of us.

HEY FABEEBLES!!!! Please teach me how to Krunk it up. I am lost in this piss mix.

Toad said...

I am ready to be played and learned. I am here at the request of Ham Paw. I am here to silently arrive in your bodies and allow the first steps of contortion. Your pipes must be cleaned in order for me to get into you. I am sure you are already aware of what this means.

Bleet said...

Hi. I am foiled again. The roof of my head is trying to come off in the wind. This is not a toupee.

Anonymous said...

I hate Toad.

Stacey said...

okay, like, I do get drunk with my friends a lot.

Stan Liebowitz said...

Hey Stacey. Wanna hang out after school some day this week? I have some delicious jellybeans to offer you.

Stacey said...

Sure, like, I looooooooooooove jelly beans. Are they Jelly Bellies?

PD said...

Hi MM and possie. I've been hanging back, checking out the scene and what not.

Stan Liebowitz said...

Yes, Stacey, yes they are. I would love to take you around. You sound very sweet.

Hi PD. Wanna rock out?

mountain man said...

Stan, I would stay away from Stacey if I were you. I have this feeling she is not what you are looking for, I do not believe she is 17. I know you like to exert predation on young girls, you foolish pervert. Are you the same as Sexual Predator? He gives me the skeevies.

CODE YELLOW said...

I am warning you all for the last time.

postmoderndebunker said...

A new post awaits you my love.

Stacey said...

Am too 17.

post-menopausal woman said...

I am 66 and still having hot flashes, mood swings, and slips of the pee.

Cocksucker said...

What's really fantastic about cowboys is that they raped and killed almost the entire indiginous population of America, a feat the Nazi's could only dream of; setting the standard for todays Amerikkkans who tour the globe raping and killing anyone with a different skin colour. And burning down their fucking trees.

Anonymous said...

Hey Cocksucker...you have a whiff of the Skateboard about you.

fabeebles said...

OK MM,

It's time to KrUNk it up!!! Suck up that cactus juice my man with your lickety stick. C'mon and feel it spazzoids! You know what I am talking about - huh!

To get it on proper like you've got to keep it all in order:

1. Ride that hussy like a pony - feel the sand breeze tickle your toesies.

2. When you see the crimson gazebo you are getting there. Open your eyes and taste the waste.

3. Mix up the piss. Add a little sugar on top.

4. The toads'll be hollering and raising their arms like they just don't care. Give em' a little love and toast to the cacti. Then the licking can begin.

5. YOU ARE NOW ENTERING KRUNK ZONE.

gothra said...

sigh. C.S. or cs, whichever. your diatribes are tiresome.

Morrissey said...

C.S. is just in need of a good spanking!

indian chief said...

I am shedding a single tear while looking at a traffic jam.

squaw said...

I am shedding a single tear while looking at rat army H.Q.

two dogs fucking said...

why did they have to give me an indian name? why?

Haida said...

I never got my free white man blanket. Thank Raven and Zod.

krixfort said...

I never got my free white man blanket either, Haida. I sure like to drink though.

Mmmmmmm Mmmmmmm bitch!

krixfort said...

MM, PD, FB,
I heart all of you! It is a glorious day. NO skullfuckers allowed!

I even like pinkeye today.

PD said...

Ditto for me Krix. No skull-effers allowed. I do like Baptist Rollerblades though

goblin said...

Hi TROLL!!!

We're gonna do Pirates tomorrow on CNN in Tasmania. Will you watch us?

Right now we are playing RISK, a game of global domination. Do you want to join in?

By the way troll, I am not imaginary. I am real. Just like Pinnocchio.

krixfort said...

Mountain Man, we are on separate schedules these days it seems. I hope you are doing well!

xoxox,
krixish

Gepeto said...

Yes, my little Pino. is real.

ham paw said...

Greetings spiritualists and associatives. The rodeo is metaphoric for the capturing of wild sensory expansions. One must reign them in, so to speak.

BLURL said...

I'M GOING TO BONE YOUR FACE HAM PAW

ham paw defense team said...

WHY?

brurl said...

i love smokin ham

ham paw defense team said...

Smoking is against the principles of hop scotch and your futuristic commotions of the spiritual naturals.

turkey toes said...

Ham Paw...you need a hop of the scotch this afternoon.

Dr. Phillo said...

I take Spiritual Naturals supplements all the time. This is to restore the positive flora in my intestinal tract.

candy d. said...

magnesium citrate. 2 words to live by.

BLURL said...

I LIKE TO GIVE MYSELF SPIRITUAL ENEMA'S

kitten #3 said...

Pressures exposed intestines are treasures to behold.

Snotty said...

I have had a spiritual enema. They went through my nasal passages--which was very painful. Now I am sore and my mucus membranes are damaged.

a moment to remember said...

I've heard that Horses do not need enemas. They are resistant to nasal malfunctions.

heather said...

Have you ever seen a nasal enema? It requires gauze.

blurl said...

yes gause, and tweezers if you go down the wrong chute

asshole said...

yes i like them, they tingle my bungle berry

kitten #3 said...

How did you get your name asshole? Not insulting. Just wondering.

post-menopausal woman said...

I once got a spiritual enema and they went through my C U Next Tuesday.

asshole said...

My mother named me. what's it to you?

asshole said...

hey asshole stop pretending to be me. my dad named me, the iyatola assahola

Iyatola Assahola said...

You are a disgrace to my good name!

asshole the first said...

you took my name. Everyone is talking to me all the time. Everywhere I go. Now you....

Iyatola Assahola said...

Why I oughtta...

asshole the first said...

What you gonna do? I'm the first. Nobody can touch me cause I'm the ultimate evil.

I.A. said...

I created you...and I can destroy you with one gassy meal!

THE FIRST said...

pretend if you wish. I have the power. I am the FIRST. I fart in your general direction.

jessica said...

HEY! break it up! I wish we could all chill out a little

I. A. to the nth degree said...

Yeah, I'll chilli it out alright.

THE FIRST said...

JESSICA. One more word and you will discover the orgins of my name.

jessica said...

Maybe the first and i.a. should like get married or start a band. I.A. is female right?

I.A. said...

No--I'm male you idiot. My wife, Alyah Assahola could never beat the crap outta my son.

bobby said...

I am shocked by all this ass talkin'

THE FIRST said...

I'm gonna gag little bobby. Care to join me?

C.S. said...

Hey first--I'm the biggest, baddest A-hole--got it Mother Effer!

asshole said...

I'm back, full solar anus blazing. I will destroy you all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bush said...

wow--solar anus! I think you may be able to solve our energy problem.

comely underwear nudist treehugger. said...

listen up. Who here needs a high colonic? The first may need some assistance....

Anonymous said...

I need a high colonic down low.

sammy said...

Hey retard, what do you mean by down low. It is down low. I'm sorry to be so literal... but what exactly are you saying anonymous. I don't think you make sense because I seriously doubt that you have ever had a high colonic. I have and let me tell you... I'll never forget it. I was a child.

Bleet said...

My vagina is terrorizing my anus. None of you could possibly know what this is like. Can you imagine what it is like to have football sized kidney stones come out of you and into your bad anus every hour?

Bleet said...

That was plus into minus. I much prefer minus into plus. Can you comprende?

Supernatural Hatred said...

You must all stop and try again. Please try to reconcile and speak with meaning and purpose.

Supernatural Hatred said...

Ham Paw, please help to restore order. I locate you in the throngs of seepage.

Anonymous said...

I wish everyone would come over and eat pasta with me. Then we can all experience the gastrointestinal invasions together.

mountain man said...

There is a porpoise swimming outside my window. Well done! I didn't know you could breathe air. I love porpoise actions.

mountain man said...

Ham Paw is an invasion I enjoy from time to time. Until he enrages me gonads. Then I spank him. He punishes my by negating my spirituality. We get back at each other.

Bernard said...

I am using myself up. I have shaved so many times and my skin is now black.

backfat said...

i need some baby back ribs

Bleet said...

Bernard you must not be so raw on your tender skin. It is not for sawing at. You must love yourself in the mirror each morning noon and night.

mountain man said...

Back fat who cares? Tell me something exciting.

mountain man said...

I had ribs in my juice this a.m. It was a savory juice, a new juice to behold.

porpoise said...

I have a purpose. I cannot tell you what it is.

backfat said...

there is nothing exciting about me. I like strip malls.

dude said...

I like strippers. Backfat do you strip? I'd like to see that.

mountain man said...

I like strip malls too. And porpoise meat on crackers. I am a nonimage of your brain. I project myself into the center.

gnome said...

where is your wallet? I need your money.

greenpeace cynic said...

if porpoises weren't so cute, we'd eat them too.

Bleet said...

I challenge you to a game of Cutting and Scrapings. I will use a trowel to scrape and blunt scissors to cut. It is a strong game, I am very skilled, I do not want you to lose but you probably will. I wasn't so violent before I started drinking vodka.

mountain man said...

Bleet you must calm yourself. I have a chomper biting at my leg, under my desk. I hate it.

mountain man said...

Krixfort, I miss our communations. It's been so long but I want you to know the directives of love towards you. please soak up my fun. Please meet me at Ned's later. We will do shots of love tonic and bite.

ham paw said...

what are you talking about MM?
I fail to catch your drift so to speak.

Supernatural Hatred said...

I am unwilling to let go of my hopes for you. Porpoise you are mal.

mountain man said...

Ham Paw, what do you need to know? are You a gassy folly or are you in control of my meats today? I want to know. My gasses are protruding out the eyes. I am banished to the throne of enticement.

mountain man said...

Ham Paw, let me slice your paw and eat it. I want to honor your uniqueness by self consuming you.

ham paw said...

Excrement or enticement. Have you been pained in the side yesterday due to bowel filling and lacking of extrusions?

Toad said...

Ham Paw, I will do as you wish.

mountain man said...

Enticement. I have been bound to the honor of lack of feeding on badness. I know what I am to consume, I know what I am not to consume. It is wishful.

ham paw said...

note. Do not ear the man with the stick. That is the first principle. I had a meeting yesterday with a doctor. My pains were abdominal of course. This is the practical reprecusions of the continuations of extrusions in wonderment.

mountain man said...

The switch occurs now without my planning it. Very exciting. I no longer see rabbits behind my computer. I no longer need to look demons in the eye.

mountain man said...

I am no longer willing to choose sticks when there are other less painless options. I can enter your repercussions without fear. Please allow me to partner with you.

ham paw said...

I am special due to the shortened intestine.

mountain man said...

THe shorter the intestine, the larger the fun sac, is what my doktor told me.

ham paw said...

We will partner on Sat. I will loosen the earthly ties of suctioning.

Neck Meteor said...

Heretofore unmentioned is the effectiveness of the Neck Meteor. Someday I will get the appreciation I need.

mountain man said...

I look forward to connecting to your tubular tissues. I will wrap my fortress of knowing around your intuition. Please be with me during the quakes on Sat.

ham paw said...

My intestine is learning to stretch. Such is the powers of the spiritual enlightenment for the beginner in me that is also you in ways that are considerably compressed. Your mind is alterable, but nimble in it's eager agreement to the hop scotch treatment. I will initiate.

ham paw said...

My intestine is learning to stretch. Such is the powers of the spiritual enlightenment for the beginner in me that is also you in ways that are considerably compressed. Your mind is alterable, but nimble in it's eager agreement to the hop scotch treatment. I will initiate.

mountain man said...

I am eager for you to intuit the hop scotch and bring me to learning of goodness vs. loveliness. We will not have to choose. The light is mine and yours. You are stretching beyond comprehension. I love your tangles.

ham paw said...

my tangles are neurons of splendor. I have just now entered the trance state in the principles of the hop scotch. I gesture to the heavens from which I am one. you will join in this festivity! It is freeing only after initiation.

hammy pawlet. said...

pleasure centers on. Pain suctioned off.

Bleet said...

I want to initiate. Who are you. A tangle?

mountain man said...

Ham Paw. I want to crawl into your tendrils and say nonsense tracts.

ham paw said...

bleet. Your time has not yet come. MM is ready but you must prove yourself willing. Your abilities will be structurally differentiated.

hammy pawlet. said...

My tendrils are thick with wisdom. Some are nauseated by the pungent smell of truth.

low colonic said...

I wanna lose ten pounds--can a high colonic weekend do that for me?

krixfort said...

hay fabeebels!
what's shakin daddy?

krixfort said...

mm i miss you