Monday, April 04, 2005

This Morning

Is rancid and sad. My eyes will not open and my angry planet with no moons is very much out of alignment and in fact probably has left the solar system for good. The possibility of finding moons for this planet is almost none right now, a window of opportunity may open up again in the near future, but for now, disappearance may be its fate. I am hoping angry planet will return to its rightful alignment. I do not believe in astrology but in this particular case, truly everything will be out of whack until

1. Inhabitants are allowed to return to angry planet.
2. Angry planet gets back on its righful orbit.
3. Angry planet forgives its inhabitants for rampant pillaging and hyperactivity.
4. Angry planet realizes that its orbit will not be as fruitful without inhabitants to initiate rituals in celebration of said orbit.
5. Angry planet recommences search for moons immediately.
5. Hyperactive inhabitants apologize and promise not to fatalistically predict what will happen in the coming seasons when they have no facts to base their predictions on.

I am hoping things get back to normal soon.

82 comments:

mountain man said...

MM accidentally wrote two #5's on this list and blogger will not allow him to change it. He was harried writing his list and now this is the way things are, he will seem stupid to all his friends. He hopes they will understand the urgency behind his carelessness and forgive him.

Janice said...

Wow, this sounds bad. I hope angry planet will allow inhabitants back on its sloping lands once again.

Planetless said...

I and my family are floating out in space with only our battery packs and limited oxygen supply. We may die within hours...or even minutes.

planetless #2 said...

Me too! It's scary out here.

mountain man said...

My cube is eating me. A crisis.

Neck Meteor said...

I cannot help anyone today. Until order is restored.

kitty said...

who is angry planet?

Jason said...

Why is the planet angry?

mountain man said...

Angry Planet is our ruler, second in line to Zog. He is very very angry with us for our bad behavior. He is more angry with the people who live on his planet. Do not ask me why he rules Angry Planet rather than our planet, if he is so important to us, because I don't know why. It's just so. It's an allegory of truth and being a better person, getting along better with others, but it is also on loan from reality. Please believe me.

jesse's girl said...

What kind of bad behavior?

mountain man said...

Evilness, rudeness, meanness to others, stinginess, lack of boundaries, oversensitivity, idiocy, bad breath, misappropriation of funds. The list goes on, Jesse's Girl. I know you are guilty of at least one or two of these crimes. If you were smart you would pray for re-alignment.

Comet said...

Anger is a useful but inaccurate adjective for my vulgar sphere. My directness and callous bushwhacking through the thickets of the Boring are what offend most.
I am in fact not a planet, though my orbit is most regular. Planetary perturbations are continually changing my comet's orbit. I may collide with some celestial body, but not soon.
Come back moon.
Come back peoples.
The brightness of a comet is normally represented by the equation: m1 = H1 + 5.0 * log(d) + K1 * log(r) ,
but truly it is in inverse correlation to the distance from its moons.
Few comets have them, moons that is. And there are many other misconceptions concerning my kind. For more go to:
http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/misc/planetx/index.html

Luna, I await your return.

Asteroid said...

Belts.

Angry Planet said...

I am very angry. However, I appreciate your synthetic yet profound attempts at vulnerability and correction. Peoples you may return. I will re-initate my moon search in time.

Comet said...

Who are you AP?
Both sides of the universe?

candy said...

inhabitants seem ignorant of implication of their actions. They seem to want to be helpful and trying to do as requested. But then it is not helpful and planets are unaligned. The inhabitants are not acting with malice.

Less Angry Planet said...

Inhabitant, I understand. You are just selfish and insecure, a sponge that soaks up all that is around you. You are too twitlike and ransack my delicate lands. I am less angry at you.

Comet. I knew we would meet again. I hope you will crash into my twisted forcefield but not injure any inhabitants.

Less Angry Planet said...

These inhabitants mean well, I understand. BUT YOU MUST NOT PROD ME LIKE THIS AGAIN or everyone in the universe is sure to suffer. Neck Meteor, you may resume your integrations.

GAS said...

Abstract.

mountain man said...

Hey Comet. You wanna play rough? I mess you up all kinds of traumatic!!! I am so boring. Come bushwhack me. I slap you upside your comet head with my ham hand (no offense to ham paw).

LIQUID said...

Expressionism.

mountain man said...

Hey Comet!!! Wake up!!! What's the matter, are you on the phone to your mommy? You frightened big time of little phony Mountain Man excrement?

Janice said...

MM if you don't mind me saying, you may be putting us all in danger again with your rudeness. I don't want you complaining about another misalignment when I know for sure this time you did it on purpose. Smarten up, as you always say.

inhabitants said...

The inhabitants would never ransack and soak up spoils. Inhabitants were acting with genuine intentions, not trying to control or steer. Inhabitants must have misunderstood their orders and were confused. Inhabitants would not wish to offend.

Less Angry Planet said...

I forgive you. But Comet is an unruly variable that may not be so forgiving. Comet exists outside the hierarchy. Comet is trouble that cannot be tamed.

Bleet said...

The terrifier of everything has come our way and we have survived the malpositioning. What will come next, I can hardly say. I must row back from the pond and have my late breakfast or early lunch, depending on how you look at it. Potato chips may be involved.

sally struthers. said...

Is comet male or female?

mountain man said...

From what I can tell he reeks of the stick. But I am not sure. Comet may also be just pussy enough to be a lady. I am going to get us in loads of trouble. I have been taken over by another personality. Where is the more tempered MM of an hour ago? I am fighting this mischief starting now.

Neck Meteor said...

It was my understanding that Comet transcends gender. You should know this MM. I am headed towards your neck. It will hurt at first but do not have me removed.

Luna said...

Hello Comet? Are you still there? It's me, Luna. I am less boring than all these fools. You were generous to allow re-alignment. Angry Planet is not as powerful as he seemed at first.

Neck Meteor said...

No one should fight me. No one should have me removed.

mountain man said...

Comet is dead. I have strangled comet.

nebula said...

poor comet

Star said...

I saw comet just now. You are lying MM. Bad MM.

Asteroid said...

With your hands or a belt, Mountain Man?

Asteroid said...

Did he like it?
Was he smiling?

Gravitational Field said...

Strangulation is not the answer.
Comet has come back before, you know.
He always returns; it is his nature.

fairy butler said...

I'm confused. Inhabitants need to trust in THE FORCE. From my own experience this always proves beneficial. The inhabitants may also may need to breed more kittens. Soft, downy kittens with crystal blue eyes. They are transmitters of THE FORCE. They repel comets and such.

mountain man said...

I am certain that Comet liked it. I am not certain that he died. I am certain he was smiling. I am not certain whether he will come back. I am certain that I am not smiling. I am uncertain as to whether I will ever smile again. Such is my fatalistic approach. I am similar to the inhabitants of doom. I am afraid I bring both doom and excitement to the universe. As is my wont. I am taxing.

Neck Meteor said...

Watch out FB. The force is unruly today. I am coming towards your neck. You will both hate it and love it at the same time.

Cock Rocker said...

I love Doom.
Sleep's Jerusalem
Black Sabbath's Paranoid
High of Fire

Rock out!!!!!!!!

material fatalism said...

Comets always return.

Asteroid said...

FB,
What up?
You are not into celestial bodies?
Why?

Immaterial Construction said...

I like Comets. I like Black Sabbath.

mountain man said...

FB are you a purveyor of the force too like kittens? I love the downy fur. Pat, pat, pat the kitties. Nice kitties. Hey Cock Rocker, why don't you take it down a notch and listen to some nice pop music. You need to take a sedative. I like Cock Rock though.

black hole sun said...

I suck.

fairy butler said...

Asteroid,

I am dim. Cannot follow. Not enough oxygen out there in space. dimmness today. Please do not strike me down, that is all I ask.

Anonymous said...

This blog is nuts. FB is right. I am so confused. Where do I turn for sense?

Neck Meteor said...

FB! The asteroid won't get you as long as I am in your neck. I have safely implanted a version of myself there. Take heed. Calm yourself. The dimness will brighten. I like you.

TC said...

FB
NM is correct.
Anyway, I hear your body is heavenly, so why fear the spacelings?
Hold your breath.

GAS said...

O2

LIQUID said...

Fudge.

Cuddles said...

Anonymous, wipe your bum! You are dirty.

crapstack said...

yeeuuuuuuuuuuu.

american said...

Anon.,
turn around.

Anonymous said...

You are right! I am dirty. Thank you for helping me. Bumwiping was never my forte.

GAS said...

Bidet.

Blue Sock Of Mourning said...

Oh what can all this be about. I am still in mourning.

solo said...

Good Day.

Bidet said...

I don't want any more dirty bums near me. It's too much for me to bear. Only clean bums from now on. Please?

nathaniel said...

awthorne-hay

Marla said...

Owling-Bay. Eptember-Say. Icken-Chay. Utter-Bay O-Nay.

arlet-Scay said...

I-ay ove-lay ig-Pay atin-Lay.

mountain man said...

Marla, you dirty petunia, what are you muttering on about? Get back in your wheelchair.

mountain man said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Marla said...

Sorry, MM. I am prone to the babble. See you in Jersey City sometime next week.

ixfort-kray said...

ountain-May an-May, something is off today.

mountain man said...

Hi Krix! What's the matter?

bob said...

the planets Krixie
the planets

Peg said...

Krix, you must pray to Jesus. It's because the Pope died that something feels off. Pray to your savior, Krix. Come on now.

Gravitational Field said...

Comet is our saviour.
At least we know he will return...

Comet said...

Come Hell or High Water.

randy said...

Marla
You are hot.
Do you read?

krixfort said...

peg, you obviously don't know me that well. you sound like my sister.

get thee behind me eg-Pay.

comment deleted said...

.

Marla said...

I can read. I also like to play cripple once in a while at MM's request. I can also ballet dance.

randy said...

I love cripple.
Bandages or braces?

krixfort said...

mm, hampaw, fb. . .my day has become rather Kafka-esque. I am trapped in the real world with no means of escape.

krixfort said...

braces.

mountain man said...

I love Kafka-esque. I am sorry you are on trial. This is not good. Shall I call ACME Airlifting and have you scooted and scooped up out of there?

krixfort said...

yes call them please. . . NOW. for zogg's sake CALL THEMMMMMM!

sulfer said...

randy I love cripples as well