Friday, April 08, 2005

Krinkles

Last night I punched Beth in the head. She fell down. She tipped over backwards and fell down to the black and white speckled floor. As she fell, the gum she was chewing fell out of her slightly open mouth. I love the look of chewed gum.

I don't want to say what happened next. It was sexy, I'll just say that.

I am going to the snack bar for hot dogs and nachos today, and no one can stop me, not even my ill-tempered tum.

I may be thrown out of reality this weekend, it is something I am actually quite worried about. If I am, I promise to go without a fight, I don't want to create worse problems for those who know me, the ones who would most likely throw me out. It's ok. I am ready for banishment. I know what the deal is.

Have a delicious, pain-free day, everyone. I will try to do the same.

63 comments:

pinkeye said...

Beth disgusts me.
Even the thought of her in pain on the floor is repulsive, and that is saying something. I feel sorry for you Mountain Man, your ideas of sexy are waning daily...

mountain man said...

Leave me alone Pink Eye. You are corroded. Lighten up. Beth is a darling treat from the wind.

pinkeye said...

The wind from your ass...

Heather said...

Oh Mountain Man,
Do tell. What was so sexy? Did you stay up late sorting jellybeans? Did she give you a pedicure?

mountain man said...

Actually none of this happened. But in my mind's eye, I did stay up late with my young friend Rina sorting jellybeans and giving each other pedicures. It was very "teen beat."

pinkeye said...

your mind's eye is myopic and beth is a loser no matter how many pearl necklaces you give her.
you can lead a whore to water....

toxic said...

pinkeye

mountain man said...

You are a dingbat, Pink Eye, no offense. Beth is alarmingly perfect for me gonads. I would never allow her to wear pearls. She is my plastico fantastico amore.

mountain man said...

She is not as much of a whore as I would wish. Beth!!!! BE MORE OF A WHORE!!!

Herbert said...

I would like to offer you a show MM. I have a deal for you that you will like. It is a show on a mountain in Siberia. Just be yourself for three weeks on the mountain. I will publish a video and a catalogue.

Pippy said...

I am a whore of the highest order MM. I graduated top of my class at Whore U.

mountain man said...

Dear Pippy, that is so great. Congratulations. I remember your skanky whore attitude from yesterday. But aren't you the dumbest person I have ever met? I think you are.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr said...

Pinkeye was right MM
That was really gay, like Crabtree and Evelyn kinda gay, not faggot gay, like Loverboy gay. Plastico fantastico amore, how droll. You make me drool in a electroshock therapy kinda way. Beth shuld play in traffic.

pinkeye said...

beth is the dumbest person you ever met...

Heather said...

I really want to know Mountain Man. Forget these jealous types. What did you and Beth do last night? Just know ther are many of us out here that think your are so cute and sweet and thoughtful and kind and sexy.

mountain man said...

Beth is playing in traffic. THat's why I love her so. Why are you so angry people? Beth is just my servant. I love her. I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW TREMENDOUS SHE IS!!!!

But there is more love for others, both male and female. There is so much MM to smear around.

My favorite jellybean flavor is buttered popcorn. It's so good, IT IS SCARY!!! I LOVE SWEETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GAY AND IT'S A NEW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

mountain man said...

Heather. Are you the same as Slutty Heather? Or are you just Heather? Beth and I played knick knack last night on the thumbs of our neighbors. It was truant.

Today we are free-wheeling.

I may have punched her but it wasn't as cool sounding as my description. There was no gum involved. But I wish there was. I love chewed gum, as I have stated many times. The world is enveloped in crust today. It is downright.

Warning Sign said...

There is someone I know who is the most selfish person in the world. He is embattled by his own passing clouds. I hate him and he is a danger to us all. He does not know anything about anyone else, only scads too little about himself. He says to us "this is the real me. do you believe me?" And we are too dumb to know he is a make-believe construction of shit. Get up and realize that he is not who he says. Go over to his house now and caramelize him, is what I ask of you. He is a hideous bad man. The worst part is that he wears knickers.

Pippy said...

Uh, I may be dumb, but I know my way around a stick and marshmellow fluff.

postmoderndebunker said...

Beth deserves more than a good punh. Maybe a punch in the gut after she has eaten 16 hot dogs with a few glasses of Jack Daniels.

Heather said...

Freewheeling is fun. I wish I could be as irresponsible, but alas I have to go to work. Mountain Man, you are so cute....knick knack with Beth....I wish I had a man like you, someone to care for me when I am laid up, someone to send me catalogues and really just someone to be supportive of all my little idiosychrasies, like wanting to be good at board games and typing.

pinkeye said...

you go PMD. we don't always get along, but we are definitely on the same page...let's spit on Beth's sheets

mountain man said...

Oh Pippy you silly naughty presentation!!! You are nude, right? I love you. I will murder Beth if that's what you all want. Just don't tell the police please.

mountain man said...

Heather no comprende? Typing? That is a misnomer. But don't you worry your little idiosynchratic head. I will send you all kinds of cheap underwear catalogues. Maybe I will send you lavendar soaps too. Maybe I will send funny gifts from a gift shop meant to cheer you in your duller moments. You are a girl. Therefore you are to be coddled. I know that. I know how to truly take care of a girl. You beat her up and make her cry and then send her parents boxes of shitty chocolates.

Heather said...

No Mountain Man. You said Beth was alarmingly perfect for your gonads. That was awkward and sweet. I really got a sense of how much you care for your "Love" The two of you give me hope that someday I may find something so.....so.....

mountain man said...

What's a guy to do? Should I kill my girlfriend or not? I am only trying to do what's best for my commenters. I am really truly no one without you. You determine everything in my life, I am weak. But saucy at the same time. Nevermind.

Lips Like Sugar said...

This is a ridiculous thread. You will not kill MM. I will turn you in. Be strong. Get a gut. Get some life in you. Eat some tomato paste. It's good for your skin. Your PUG will punish you later if you are weak-willed.

nasty boy said...

Yeah, let's get rid of Beth. We can take her to the piers in Chelsea and toss her in the river.

Janet Jackson said...

You don't mean a thing to me.

PMD said...

I hate Beth, but will not be a party to murder...unless of course I can replace Beth in your heart and bed, mm.

Pippy said...

Let's have a murder who-done-it party!!!

secretary said...

my fingers smell like mildew.

pinkeye said...

it's not mildew, that I promise you...

janet jackson said...

You need to ask Beth: "what have you done for me lately?"

Dr. Phil said...

Janet is right--be direct. Tell her what is on your mind.

GAS said...

Cannabalism.

ASS said...

shut up GAS...and leave me alone

Elfin magic said...

Did you know that in this realm you can be erased by spirit oppressors, completely erased, for no other reason than their own fears of being questioned about their motivations. Watch out for them. They are truly out of Orbit!

henceforth said...

ass, you are so offbase.
Gas is ethereal goodness.
He is succinct and beautiful and everywhere.

Angry Man said...

Grrr!!! I am so angry. I oppress those I love!! I want to hurt everyone. I am sick with gnarry anger and mirth.

mountain man said...

Angry Man, calm yourself. I can understand why you want to hurt though. Iam angry too> I am an angry hater from beneath the earth. I HATE!!! But then I eat a piece of candy and feel kinder. Try it.

Heather said...

Angry Man, you are like a free radical spiralling through the arteries of my "love." Radiation therapy for you. eradication, extradition, erasure...
bye angry man bye

candy said...

I love you Mountain Man. I am only sweetness for your love.

however said...

Hence: you are a loser

Thus said...

I hate Henceforth and However. I am at war.

Bipolar Goody Goody said...

I am a waste of a life. Please leave me in the forest with my ugly pants and let me shrivel.

mountain man said...

I am dying to get left in the forest too. May I come?

gwendoline said...

You most certainly can come Mountain Man, I will help you. I know a path to the Sprite Dens past the musty copse, near Dark Pond. If you follow closely the Heinous will stay back and let us pass, if you stray, I fear you will be on your own. Regrettably you must come alone, I will guide you, you can come.

bloat said...

i feel sick to my anus

Morover said...

You all suck--hence and thus.

Wherefrom said...

and what about me?

Bleet said...

Ok, Ok what's all the rammy unfriendly behavior about? Who is who and who is so out of whack? Can I be of help to anyone, may I list the issues or provide options? There is unrest and I think I understand why but you may not be ready to hear it. The anger and bloating is caused by mixed up remedies that are misapplied to opposing limbs. Please try to disentangle and be learned and pleasing in spite of the menace.

mountain man said...

I am a light that never goes out. I am bigger than others. I can feel the soil falling over my head. The rain falls hard on a hum drum town. This town has dragged you down.

mountain man said...

I am sorry. I just love Morrissey so much.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Bleet you are careful.

krixfort said...

I am lost. I have been asleep. Is Beth dead? Are you on the lam MM?

postmoderndebunker said...

Wishful thinking Krix! Beth is still alive.

Morrissey said...

You just haven't earned it yet baby.

kris krinkles said...

I am a broken down old man. I pirate videos for a living. I've got a copy of Sin City for 5.00--no shaking.

krixfort said...

MM, what reality are you getting thrown out of. I've never been 86'd from reality before. What's it like?

PD said...

Krix. I will answer for MM, while he's in the bathroom getting raped by bandits.
MM is simply referring to what happens when one takes several oxycontins with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

krixfort said...

then I HAVE experienced it. Thanks for the clarification!

PD said...

I am hoping to experience that all weekend. I have the pills prepared, only I am gonna have a little vodka with them instead of JD.