Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Bad Baby

There is going to be a new movement of bad babies attacking. That is all I'm allowed to say. I am patting my hands in my lap again, creating unique polyrhythms. I am very post-music.

Have a nice day everyone and if you see a large baby that looks like Danny Devito coming towards you, I'm just saying, I would definitely run.

Love,

MM

45 comments:

Danny Devito said...

That remark is quite unfair. I have just gotten a face lift and hair plugs and am looking less like a baby.

Bad Baby said...

You cannot hide from the swarm of bad babies that are coming towards you.

post-menopausal baby said...

watch out, I'm tired, hot, and angry as hell.

knowing one wtih sparkles said...

The bad baby was thrown out of the angry planet. The angry planet vomited yesterday and the oversized infant catapolted into the heavens. He was bad so he landed on red dirt.

candice w. said...

What did he do?

sharon Prell. said...

I ran into him! he was crawling up the empire state building. he cast a menacing shadow.

Gerber baby said...

He was spewing split pea puree!!

pre-chew charlie said...

No, it was carrots and peas in banana mush.

fairy butler said...

Is the polyrhythmic hand-clapping an effective method of warding off the babies? Are you intuiting this also?

Do these bad babies smell fresh or oily? I want to be able to tell the difference and we all know looks can be deceiving. Or are they all giants?

jenny said...

They have a deceptively sweet scent, but don't be fooled. Under the baby powder is feces and mold. I saw one on top of the trump tower. It seemed to sway and lose balance when I clapped, FB.

mountain man said...

Most are giants, but some are undercover. I found one in my hairbrush. It was bucking.

krixfort said...

the key to eradicating the swarm of bad babies is to find their nest and destroy it. You can only hold them off with polyrythmic patterns for so long.

krixfort said...

the key to eradicating the swarm of bad babies is to find their nest and destroy it. You can only hold them off with polyrythmic patterns for so long.

krixfort said...

the key to eradicating the swarm of bad babies is to find their nest and destroy it. You can only hold them off with polyrythmic patterns for so long.

krixfort said...

the key to eradicating the swarm of bad babies is to find their nest and destroy it. You can only hold them off with polyrythmic patterns for so long.

krixfort said...

wow, Ive got repetitive strain disorder.

stinx said...

F*CK, there were 2 in my tacos at lunch. I chewed them up before I even f*cking knew it. I was stomping my feet nervously because of the jalapeno salsa - this must have slowed them down. F*cking babies. LOOK OUT!

precious said...

Where is the nest? It is probably really dirty. Maybe the sewage plant?

mountain man said...

I hate babies. HATE THEM!

blech said...

blech! me too MM.

fairy butler said...

I located this disarming spell:

"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" Based on the performance by Iron Butterfly
"Little Danny DeVito" Spell by Claude Prez

Little Danny DeVito baby
Don't you know I'm above you
Little Danny Devito puny
Don't you know that a hobbit is too

Oh won't you sign this please
I am a big fan
I just loved "Get Shorty"
But not "Ren. Man"
Please not "Ren. Man"

Little Danny DeVito baby
You're so cute I could hug you
Little Danny DeVito poopsie
Think Papa Smurf and some makeup blue

Oh won't you sign this please
It is a contract
You'll play a short bald sleaze
You won't have to act
Please call me back

postmoderndebunker said...

there is a baby caught in my hard drive.

baby anus said...

I am as smooth as a baby's rectum

mountain man said...

FB, I am trying. They are gaining speed. The drool is gushing into rivers. I fear this is the end.

mountain man said...

They are breaking the spell with their menacing cries. My spell is drowned out by the screaming!

Beverly said...

Quick! Does anyone have any rattles?

krixfort said...

FB! That was magical!

mountain man said...

FB, I got a little one quieted with the spell. It is sleeping in my glass of water. Can I kill it?

postmoderndebunker said...

MM: whip out your teats to pacify...

krixfort said...

MM you need a giant baby vibrating seat. Lure the baby into and switch it on. It will feel like an earthquake has hit but it will distract the evil ones long enough so that you can escape.

kimberlee said...

ugh. this is disgusting.

juicy woodwitch said...

MM, didn't they teach you in mountain health class that the rhythm method, poly or otherwise is a notorious bad method for staving off babies? Keep a sock on it!
p.s.: sorry I can't always respond as I seem to be constantly engulfed in the whining of my own babies, some of which occupy a large area of my frontal cortex. My advice: send them to college.
pps: juice flavoring is peach rainwater Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, rosemary nectar Thursday and Friday, and a very light essence of winesap apple on the weekends.

krixfort said...

Juicy, you are so right about the rhythm method and it's ineffectiveness. this a lesson we all should have learned for certain.

Just come down on those babies like an old testament Zogg, I say.

real-life hoosier hannibal lechter said...

This is great. I canibalized my baby's brain.

udik said...

hanibal, did you have the brain with fauva beans?

mountain man said...

My boss is standing over me. I am going to die.

krixfort said...

I can eliminate your jailer for you if you like, MM. I'll even do it for free.

mountain man said...

Thanks Krixfort! But I'm okay. He moved on and I was spared. I can continue dodging the bad babies in peace. Speaking of which, there are a few on my keyboard. I have it in me to smush.

PD said...

I think they like to be rubbed.

kimmy said...

Where do i rub?

ex-con said...

where's my shiv?

jailer said...

get back to work slaves. I am the boss of you.

Jacko said...

Kimmy: It is always good to rub babies....all over.

Jacko said...

Kimmy: It is always good to rub babies....all over.

PD said...

I was just fired. They gave me a chewed up baby as severance.