Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Bugs

They are crawling out my nose. I am consumed by little critters, it is the weirdest feeling. I almost like it. I need to rest permanently. However, I got a new idea for a performance piece: I release fruitflies and bumble bees in public bathrooms. Maybe red ants too. I wear fangs, a tuxedo and a cape. Maybe white face make-up. I unleash plague-like profusions of yucky buggies into people's bathroom experiences. They get stuck in the worst of all private areas. People get angry and scared. I run away hollering. This is my new idea. Here's a toast to it happening. CHEERS!!! (I am drinking some Jack Daniels now...yummers).

35 comments:

tang's brother said...

tang loves jack daniels, don't you tang? tang is an alcoholic.

Anonymous said...

This is an interesting idea.

Blog Watcher said...

Are all these characters the same person? That is fucked up. You are in trouble.

blog killer said...

who the hell is blog watcher

tang said...

It's true.
I love Jack. It makes me jumpy in a good way. Sends my mind a reeling with cloudy clouds of goodness. BUT I am miffed, Mountain Man, which is to say, I am pissed, which is to say, I am getting furious, and you don't want that, or do you? All these impersonators and fakes pretending to be me. I don't have a brother.
I am not mean or rude.
I am truthful, and I am beginning to think you are afraid.
Afraid of yourself and your friends and Beth.
What are you going to do Mountain Man?

tang said...

god i love whiskey. i'd eat a crap sandwich after drinking rotten milk for some whiskey. i'll roast your weeny, your not my brother,...prove it!

krixfort said...

MM, why is Tang so threatening all the time? I think Tang is insecure.

pinkeye said...

Mountain Man is a crybaby hiding in a blog.
He is all blogged down.
Mountain Man is a pussy.

GAS said...

Lonely.

harry potter said...

why is everyone so hostile today, if we stick together we are strong!

furious said...

tang I'm going to rupture your hemeroids with blow torch

Wizard said...

Potter. Go back to Hogwarts.

harry potter said...

is that you dumbldore? is it?

Wizard said...

no. it is Sauron.

LIQUID said...

GAS I love you and I am sorry you are lonely. I am here for you.

horny said...

here is a goat song i wrote for mountain man:

GOAT SONG

Vintner of weeds, schooled
in the properties of grass and forb,
how neatly buckbrush comes to the tongue.
You rise
to the occasion of trees, standing
on cloven toes to tug oak boughs
and needles of ponderosa pine, but eschew
the willow, cheat-grass, miner's lettuce.
A nip of thistle,
fescue (15 famished mouth-
fuls), then back
to plantain: perfect
blend to turn a vintage.


Lead-rope to keep you
from the pyrocanthus, I admire
how you shear our April
wild-grow-green,
how, under always-hollow
flanks, some portion
of inner vat gurgles
and belches.

Now, a respite
from harvest, sinking to bony
knees: patience the essence
of fermentation. For hours
you meditate, narrow jaws
barely moving as if in prayer.
Insects skirl your mowing
and our green acre
grows. The vintage
prepares.

frodo said...

sauron, what tha fuck, i though we killed you!

GAS said...

You.

mountain man said...

that is a nice rhyme and magical too, horny. i am not a pussy.

mountain man said...

EVERYONE HALT!! Stop impersonating tang. Let's try to understand her better. She is curious.

Dr.T said...

is she bu-curious? what does her tang taste like?

Dr.T said...

sorry i meant bi-curious...I could recommend someone

Orange Crush said...

tang, wanna play sugar games?

furious said...

i don't know, tang has said some terrible things..explain yourself!

Mr. T said...

Dr. T you are weird. I bet you are not a real doctor.

Orange Crush said...

Other people are stealing tang's identity. We have to protect her from Evil.

dr.t said...

mr.T did you find god? Irecommend you do

Goat Frenzy said...

I love the rhyme. It haunts me.

horny said...

i love goats. i love mountain man. i'm fascinated by mountain mans desire for goat legs. i would rise to his occasion any day, in arms or as freinds.

Zogg said...

God does not exist.

submariner said...

i am prickled and pear, bleached under my skin, I'm trapped at this desk with a leash, I need a drink

buzz lightyear said...

i'll get you zorg!

Saruman said...

you are right frodo. Sauron is dead. I was just effing with you.

Judy said...

You all have such weird names. Are you from England?

Dogeater said...

I am eating a cocker spaniel right now.