Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Crumpled: A Tale of Yuck



This is how I feel today. Yesterday I moved my studio to a temporary space in Williamsburg. It is ok but in someone's apartment which I will have to get used to. I miss my old space, it really was too good to be true. Here is an unpleasant story: my landlady (psychotic) was renting from the building owners and about 20 or more people were renting from her. She had sued the building a while back saying she had neurological damage from a kiln in someone's space. Tests were done - there was no toxic anything, she was just trying to get money. The building couldn't stand her anymore and initiated eviction proceedings. Basically she knew she was going to have to be out along with all her tenants back in February. The building stopped accepting her rent checks. HOWEVER she kept collecting rent from us, her tenants, without telling us until a month beforehand that we had to be out. I did not pay May rent, but I believe she owes me $1700 and I want it. Now.

But wait, listen, there is more. Monday night I was packing up my space, preparing to move out today, the last day of the month. She barged in without knocking, scared the crap out of me and told me I had to be out yesterday morning because she was going to call a locksmith and change the locks. I was not prepared, no truck, not finished wrapping up, etc. She would not tell me when she would be changing the locks, just no, not Wednesday, you have to leave tomorrow or else. She was shaking like a freak the whole time. Then I heard her outside yelling at my next door neighbors for not taking her art supplies that she left for them. Next thing I knew I was walking out of my bathroom to find 2 policemen in my space. I was totally freaked out. She was there saying that there had been an intruder somewhere on the floor. I had no clue what she was talking about. Apparently she had gotten scared by one of the guys helping to move someone out because she did not recognize him. So she called the police?? Three cop cars came. For nothing. They left right away but I have to tell you it was incredibly bizarre to have police surprise you for absolutely no reason. Fun.

Anyway. Yesterday was an intense high speed move into the new space. I have never moved so much so fast. But it's done!!!

I hope that now I will get some of my blog mojo back. Maybe it's having a show up, having to move, etc., but I need to get my inspiration back. The trances must return to the brain stem. I am crumpled like paper but ready to move forward.

81 comments:

PD said...

M to the M, I cannot believ that craziness. I cannot! What a loon. I should not say that--she may sue me. But I am glad you are out of her clutches. All of you should sue her. OR, I will rev up the slicer?
You must ragain your inspiration...I depend on it.
Hearts and all sorts of lovin'

xo
PD

pd said...

Please 'scuse my typos. I bad.

pd said...

Oh they are terrible! It's like another language I'm speaking....

mountain man said...

Pdooders, g'morning. I can't believe how shitty that was of this monster. I want to call the IRS on her & report her for stealing so much money. What a c-u next tuesday.

sloth said...

deer MM, I am so glad you're far away from that nutter, and I will join PD in the slicing & the dicing.

Also, I will fire up my giant iron & you can come over for some hot-press action to fix the crumps.

pdoodle said...

Slice and dice is right MM. We are on it. C u next tuesday is too kind.

Intruder said...

I am just waiting patiently for her. Bring on the IRS. Bring on the muscle. She should shake til her dying day.

mountain man said...

Intruder you go get her. You take her down with your goods.

paler impaler said...

I am ready to strike.

Spinach of Doom said...

Yes I am ready to fulfill her dreads with spinach.

glutes of steel said...

I will crush her head between my cheeks!

mountain man said...

I really miss my old studio. Crappers. PD you must miss yours too - something about being able to walk there was really amazing. Oh well.

krixfort said...

MM, I am sorry about the crazy lady. I will take her on in the boxing arena as it is my new found skill. pow pow.

You, on the other hand, are Most Magnificent. That's what MM stands for.

pd said...

I miss the walk--yes. I don't miss the criminal landlord or the lack of heat though. My new space is much more inspiring despite the commute.

You will find a great space, MM. I feel it in the pits of my arms.

mountain man said...

And K stands for Kind, Klassy, Kolorful and Karefree! Teach me again for to box. We will all box her in the box.

mountain man said...

PD, the pits of the arms are where all earthly knowledge is gleaned. This is good.

pd said...

Yes, they can get pretty earthy too, if you catch my meaning.

krixfort said...

don't forget Kix. I'll give her a good kix in the box.

Yes. I am channeling the thoughts of good shack space to you.

sloth said...

mm, lettuce no if you want to combine forces to search for a local shack... we're so ready!

mountain man said...

Thanks Sloth. I will be looking again in the fall - I have this Williamsburg space until the end of Oct.

The Capt'n said...

Oh my god, what a disgusting person and story! I am so sorry, MM. Most Team Shredder members would normally call that a dick blow, but I'm here to say it's way worse.
Surely you will prevail in the not so distant end, with a better studio and situation. Nothing can squash the powers of the MM. I feel certain of this.
In the meantime, I am also ready to cut. Plus I agree that all 20 of youse should do a group lawsuit. Not that you solicited my advice...

mountain man said...

I know Capt'n. I really wish I had known this before, I would have tried to organize something but everyone has gone their separate ways. I tried to call her number today but it's been disconnected. Now I will have to search high and low to find her. She is disappearing upstate somewhere. She actually threatened to take my stuff with her upstate if I did not move out on Tuesday morning.

fairy butler said...

MM! Holy crap! How, why? What a nightmare!!! I am glad you are safe and sound, relics safe and sound, no more nutthead. but the monies, that sucks. There is something very very squirrely going on with my shack too right now. I try not to think about it.

I will summon the rat army. blow on the white whistle.

fairy butler said...

she deserves an infestation.

krixfort said...

how is the rat army these days FB?

The Capt'n said...

Check. I get it. Of course you would have been on it and all the way cutting it up. The depths of crazy and bad....whoa. These injustices are so shocking, every time.

fairy butler said...

krix, i've had no visuals on the rat army krix but there is now another building for their increasing numbers. the garbage house is no more though.

krixfort said...

FB, I am planning on shrinking myself down and becoming a mercenary with the Rat Army. It's like joining the French Foreign Legion I hear. It is my true calling.

g'noredhore said...

i will krix insert your krix name krix into all krix sentences.

fairy butler said...

i might be better off with the rat army than with the mole people. hard to tell, but I DO enjoy the biting, running, and thrashing about.

fairy butler said...

mm, who are the others in the new shack? are they safe?

pd said...

The rat army will descend upon the nutcase and we will call the robbery robbers to take back your money and then some.

japanese statistician said...

I am looking for a Chinese Mathematician. Would anyone here know of one I could speak with?

cyber loafer said...

Is it time to go home yet?

chinese mathematician said...

heh row! I have camera I take picture now.

mountain man said...

FB there is a little cutie S. American chick who looks like 14. She is a Williamsburg trendy girl. I dunno. I reserve judgment.

chinese mathematician said...

my hair dark and combed but limbs go fast around.

fairy butler said...

hmmmm. we will see about this little one. I hope for the best mm. Is she in the relic trade?

mountain man said...

No she works in a jewelry store. She wears tummy-bearing shirts. She seems nice. Nuff said.

japanese statistician said...

fast around like windmill? or slicing knife

chinese mathematician said...

penny loafer do tapdance up wall, spin out in freefall like fireball and knife

slava's snow show said...

Hey Mr. or Ms. Mathematician, I was out yesterday and heard a woman say to her fella "Are you feeling Chinesey?"

Can you translate? Is that slang for calm?

mongolian barbecue said...

spicy

krixfort said...

there is soooooooo nothing to do at beige today. Mongolian bbq, you just gave me good idea. hungry for bok choy.

sloth said...

you are all welcome to stop by the log for some potato salad!

pd said...

potato salad!! don't hold out on us Slothy, we know you got dogs too.

sloth said...

pd, i got dogs that are being sliced as we speak; new strappy summer sandals, don'tcha know. You are welcome to a chunk or three...

Hammy said...

wow! That is craziness! Jesus. How is it in your new studio? Is it an okay size? I am going to get a frappacino or something break. Maybe you need a treat too, mm? Hi to my pals!

hammy said...

Treats for everyone!

sloth said...

Hi hams! I am sleepy and would like to nest in your hair right now. Hope you don't mind? when you want to wake me up, dunk your head in the frappucino.

mountain man said...

Ham Paw, I have missed you deeply. Frappacino sounds delightful right now. Twist and gnarl yourself into the fuzz of cushion under your seat.

hammy said...

you may nap in my hairy nest anytime Slothy! It is bountiful and cushiony. Would you like a coffee beverage? Say yes!

hammy said...

Hi MM! I am now under the chair. It is very cool down here. I am sending you a coffee by airplane over the river. Missing you too!

sloth said...

zzzzzzzzzyeszzzzzzzz..........

Dimpleforth said...

Ham may I crawl into your buttock?

hammy said...

It is very large and roomy. Come on over dimples, I've got space in there.

fairy butler said...

i do not think it is possible for me to return to the 4-full day beige week. help. dying. cliff is waiting.

pd said...

room for me and my slicer by any chance? I won't turn it on...unless you want me to.

hammy said...

There is AMPLE room, PD. Room for you and the slicer. I want you to turn the slicer on, please. That way I don't have to train for the olympics.

hammy said...

FB, there is no getting used to it. Noah's ark?

pd said...

Sure Hams, I'll bring the turbo model.

fairy butler said...

oxygen is depleting here hams. can't - - - breathe - - - gasp.

hammy said...

I hate beige. Desperately hate it. I am lucky this week because the strange woman who sits next to me is gone for vacation. What a relief. She has really bad breath. Is there any escape FB?

fairy butler said...

hams, I was just babbling on ether about the desperation factor going on in my mind party. it is fierce. fierce i say. this job is like a deadend road to the grave.

fairy butler said...

no learning - larger hindquarters - waste of time. when I am super busy outside of beige it seems less dire but I really don't know how I can continue with this crappa.

hammy said...

FB, I know. I keep saying that the best thing that could happen is that I get fired. I am too scared of having a worse job to find a new one. That is stupid, right?

dubz said...

shit---me too! i am really ready to get fired. today i took the blame for something i didn't do just for fun. i am b-o-r-e-d bored. it is a colossal waste of time for paltry money sums. either our bullshit gov't subsidizes us or i'm gonna pull my eyelashes out.

boss of w.w. said...

W.W., please clear out your things. Woopie cushions at the front desk are not welcome here. It is also against the rules to spray cheez wiz on collectors as they read the price list.

boss of w.w. said...

And W.W., while you're at it, please forfeit the rest of your brain cells to me so I can simply deposit them into other artist's brains. I figure we might as well use your pee as a power source too. We've built a turbine that will force your piss up into the offices to power your colleagues' computers. Your urine will now run the gallery. Thank you, W.W., for many months of loyal service, and for your yellow energy source. Now we have stripped you of everything you can possibly give us.

boss of w.w. said...

Oh, and we need your liver too.

Mountain Man said...

WW, I am so sorry to hear of this callous dismemberment of your vital parts. It is not fair and it is not right, as you are one of the smartest and most productive individuals on the planet. Harnessing pee is the final insult. I wish you betterment, I wish you a fine escape. I wish it for Hams and FB too. Please Bejesus, help them. And Bejesus, while you're at it, please sell some of my paintings. This is getting distressing. We all need multiple benefactors. Why can't you see that Bejesus? WHY SO CRUEL???????

crux said...

You know I am a benefactor of a different sort, MM.

Deloise said...

Listen up, this morning I woke up and my face was an ass and diarrhea was leaking out of the crack that used to be my mouth. I am so pretty.

w.w. said...

well, i got to work this morning and the pee extraction started immediately. and i didn't even have to go! it is urinal slavery. i am forced to go every 10 minutes, into long transparent tubes that wrap around my chair legs. basically, i am tethered by piss tubes. it is humiliating. please, if there is a bejesus, tell him to cut my ass loose (and sell some of my paintings).

Bejesus said...

I am working on it. It is mysterious, my way, but WW the piss tubes are part of it. MM the lack of sales are also part of the divine plan. Look for me next time you use the toilet.

Shirley Preston said...

Bejesus sounds like a fraud to me.

The Capt'n said...

Here's to tons of inspiration and fast cash sales & excellent patrons coming your way, lovely MM.

The Capt'n said...

Here's to tons of inspiration and fast cash sales & excellent patrons coming your way, lovely MM.

The Capt'n said...

Extra plus plus

martin said...

i dreamed i had my head shaved and for some reason the clippers were scalding hot and burned a hole into my head. so i got my head shaved but the rest of it didn't happen and I STILL don't have a hole in my head.

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