Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Mishap

My friend Gish has had a mishap with the Hair Club for Men products he was using. It is nervous-making him unto a chump. He is going to stay with me for a few days until it falls out. The hair I mean. He is nice, this Gish. He made me waffles for breakfast and he is assisting me with my attempts at Gutteral Erosions of the positive kind. We are thinking of the method of the hairball to purge the system of unmentionables.

.

89 comments:

Mr. Potter said...

Sheesh, this is a mess! Meet me at the shaving station in Grand Central Terminal and we'll see what we can do.

Sylphic Hatch said...

Terror on his face is hirsute and fleshly-lipped. He is beautiful, in receipt of an award for outstanding behavior.

Deloise said...

I want to plant flowers in his soily face. That would be pretty.

Anonymous said...

Pretty man.

krixfort said...

nice eyes.

krixfort said...

MM, you are the best!! Gish has a great friend!

Sgt.Sheridan said...

A face garden, yes, a multiflowerous face garden and maybe peas. Deloise, I want to run away with you.

Stimmy Bullet said...

Gish is some dish, I must say. Very handsome indeed! And manly, with stud written all over his face (under the hair-mask). Mountain Man has competition.

RING RING said...

Hello Hairball, wake up.

RING RING RING said...

HAIRBALL, WAKE UP!

mountain man said...

The hairball is not sleeping. He has awakened.

sloth said...

Sloth is most admiring of this thatch. Very glossy and thick. The fur was always there, on the inside. It has just manifested on the dermis for better reception.

postmoderndebunker said...

wazzup hairball? Ahem, I am choking on you.

mountain man said...

Hairball feels nice. He is nice to the throat.

fairy butler said...

I am sending the fluffers to Gish. They want to groom.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr said...

hands feel nice around a throat.

pinkeye said...

Mountain Man, you seem a bit of a Puss today. What's the matter? Did Gish do Beth?

mountain man said...

Thank you Fairy, the fluffers have already started arriving with their fluffy stuffs. It is wonderful to have them as assistants. I didn't know there were so many and that they were so small.

Gish said...

Pinkeye you are low-class. I would not ever "do" Beth. She is over at AJ's, on loan for a while.

stinx said...

I have heard about "hairy palms" but this is something else!

postmoderndebunker said...

Mountain Man--is Beth gone for good this time?? Please say yes.

May I trim this guy with my deli slicer?

postmoderndebunker said...

sorry--blogger very bad.

krixfort said...

yeah, MM, did you finally dump Beth?

beth said...

Stop it you guys. Mountain Man is just mad at me because I am petulant. He will let me back in; I know it.

mountain man said...

Beth you are delusional.

Beth said...

I am sorry I act like such a rodent all the time. It's only because I love you so much and you give me the snarfs and make me so nervous because you are so very tall. I crawl around on the floor like a little ratty and call you names when what I mean to say is how much I adore you. I am such a brat. I can't help it.

Hyena False Penis said...

Methinks Gish be Manimal -- the eighties morphmaster changeling. Watch out! He becomes the beaver.

mountain man said...

I want to watch him become this fascinating toothy animal. Gish, is it true? Are you the manimal?

Gish into Beaver said...

Tis true. I am beginning to morph. The front tooths are growing buckish.

Lumberjack Franklin said...

Lumber must be protected.

I'm into beaver said...

This is not a paid advertisement.

PD said...

Mountain Man, be strong. Do not let Beth worm her way back into your hole...or visie versie.

Mountain Man said...

Oh Beth, it is not the snarfs I am giving you, but playful reminders of your petulance. Besides, I am not that tall. Cease and desist this acting like a rodent. You are a pet and should adore unconditionally. Petulance is conditional.

Preston said...

I'm into you Beth--for purely sexual reasons tho.

I am nice and gentle and very kind. I am not a Larry G. or anything.

PD said...

Oh that's a low blow Preston. Larry wasn't so bad. I can say that now because the estate has not been settled.

Stacey said...

Uh, like I dated this hairy freak and it was Ga-ross! Oral sex was so scratchy.

mountain man said...

Tsk, tsk, someone is impersonating Mountain Man! Very naughty indeed. To what end? What does this miscreant hope to achieve? Miscreants are loose and untrustworthy. I hope I will not have to cut off anyone's limbs. Especially when they must already be so sick.

krixfort said...

all this back and forth with Beth MM. Please. Just smack her in the chops and be done with it.

Anonymous said...

What do you think it is like going down on you Stace?

Sick said...

It's ok, I want you to cut off my limbs. I won't feel it and I will look prettier.

krixfort said...

that was me. I was feeling delusional. too much hijinx.

krixfort said...

it wasn't really me. I don't know what I am saying. my dendrites are screaming.

gish lover said...

Gish, can you come over and help me clean my house. I want you to wash my dishes with your face. That's hot.

mountain man said...

Krix I confusey. If it was you I would forgive. Oh welly. I am sapped of forthwithness today. The hairs are the most interesting things to me this day. I am headed out into the fair sunshine to learn more about the extended world. I want to insert myself into the teemingness.

Gish into Beaver said...

I am excellent at all types of housework.

beth said...

Mountain Man
I love you. I am sorry I let so many things get in the way of me saying this. I am nervous and jumpy. I know I should trust and love you unconditionally. You have been nothing but good to me, and have helped me become the person I am today (except for the bad parts, of course) I feel powerful in your arms and skittish when I am away. Please accept my apology. I will be strong. I love you.

Anonymous said...

The repository of white goo is not a help. There is no remediation.

mountain man said...

Beth, eat some snausages and lick your anus. I don't appreciate your insults and your lack of understanding. You are losing your already tenuous grip on your sanity. You are setting a bad example for all women.

tad said...

anonymous, you are nobody and have said nothing

Anonymous said...

It is clear that MM still loves Beth but he is holding onto his anger. He is steadfast in his desire not to be bossed around by some chick that acts like a small dog or rat. I predict a reunion. But not without gashes.

Anonymous said...

Tad, aren't you that loser from Jersey that I saw loitering outside of Ned's last week? Do you have brown hair?

Anonymous said...

Mountain Man
Are you okay? Are you confussy?
What insults? Beth just said she loved you. Bitch that she is. But such harsh words out of nowhere; is there another blog we should be looking at?

tad said...

no anon. I am from Brooklyn, yo.
I take it you are from nowhere

Sylphic Hatch said...

I am hiding behind and within and not eager to emerge fully ever. It is not overt mirroring of preternatural sickliness but spongelike absorption of too many factors. It is covered in tar and blackened, a strong smell emits and predicts battle, deeply entrenched. Merging is impossible, only separate stale units crinkling and wrinkling into stupor.

mountain man said...

Beth seems nice on the outside, a front for your benefit, but she is demonic and unruly.

Thanks for your input, I am harsh to the quick when it comes to her and will take what you say as an example of opinionation and will consider it highly.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr said...

battle is foreplay.....

mountain man said...

Beth is my boon. I will punch her and she keeps coming up like a Weeble. Weebly Beth if only your voice were sweeter in timbre, your limbs more encasing of understanding troublespots, and less accusatory of the bastardization of the self that comes in and out of every day like drips through the ceiling to make you maggot-ridden. The reunion will take place on daytime television.

beth said...

What channel, Mountain?

Dark Spiral said...

I can't get out.

mountain man said...

I don't know. Channel of the Days of the Sands before Time.

mountain man said...

I don't watch the tv so I don't know the channels. You tell me you snausage.

blocked airway said...

Perhaps Beth should be made to wear the rubber mask for a while. There's nothing like identity loss to shape up a rogue wench.

white dwarf said...

Just go supernova. It's slendiferous.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr said...

Now we're talking........

hellion said...

Black tar.

Dark Spiral said...

Demons. Eyes. Tired. Hates.

postmoderndebunker said...

I would like to introduce you to TV MM. Please come over and we will watch and enjoy smoked meats.

mountain man said...

Corporeal lacks spread like jam into crevices. There is nothing left but the shed. The longhouse.

nitrate cooch infiltrator said...

Owwww, where did this salami come from?

mountain man said...

Thanks PD I will come over with my meat collection.

white dwarf said...

oh go puke and flush, dark poop spiral. you just want to be unhappy.
me, i am an event horizon in the making....

Fat Belly said...

Bloody meats.

super-fat belly said...

Bloody meats and bloody marys.

krixfort said...

I am confusey too MM. I have something akin to turrets today. Please forgive. I love you. I hate beth. I am airborne.

airborne said...

gardy-loo!

mountain man said...

Toxic mush. Porpoise thigh. Intolerance of messed fouls. Confusey. Ransacked brain. Go to gym. Go to sweat place.

meat joy said...

Mmmm, turrets. Turrets and ramparts. Rough fun.

pinkeye said...

Puss.

krixforts said...

I need to know where I can find a mace. I am going to swing it on the subway. Possibly the E train.

Horny Beast said...

Mace is a good idea. I have some in my fur. Come and get it little lady.

postmoderndebunker said...

Krix...mace is so yesterday. How 'bout carrying a deli-slicer.

sloth said...

Krixy, you might be thinking of a flail. Here is a good source for both:

http://rochampion.tripod.com/equipment.html

have fun! Sloth

sloth said...

Oops, sloth was wrong. It's the smasher, a type of mace. My bad.

krixfort said...

Sloth! The flail was exactly what I was thinking of. I did not know the maces were subdivided into their own categories. That is crazy. I must investigate these weapons of singular destruction.

sloth said...

A flail would be pretty useful for clearing out a little breathing-room on the E train, Krix. Sloth will try this very inspired idea.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

--- www.blogladder.com ---

This is an invite to blogladder.com. Blog Ladder is a community blogging site that is set up like a forum. There is also an entry ladder, a custom blog ladder and a custom entry ladder. You can change the site color skins at the bottom of the home page.

Best

pinkeye said...

Mountain Man, do you look like Meryl Streep in "The Deer Hunter?"

genderweird said...

Mountain Man...are you a she?

Floralady said...

Mountain Man,

I know who you are, where you live and what you cook and paint.

Beware. The. Ides. Of. Mom.