Tuesday, May 31, 2005

A drifter's lament

I am not a wife, nor am I a husband. I am neutrally inclined without sexual stimulantion. The hand job is the number one method for this nonactive actionary. There are migratory eruptions within the physical space inhabited by my smile. This is not a drifter's lament because my history is peopled with community team works.

Happiness is predicated on lack. Lack of fluids, intestinal fitness, deworm.

81 comments:

mountain man said...

Tell us more about the hand job eventuality. I am a motionless man, motion through the whirling movement of the arms.

PD said...

I know you know the hand job Mountain Man!

Anonymous said...

I thought you were jumpy?

a company of laughing faces said...

H. Paw. Why settle for a hand job? Unless of course it is the only conduit of pleasure.

Doc Johnson said...

Do I have a tickler for you, Ham Paw.

Doc Johnson said...

Or perhaps some joy beads would be more to your liking. Or the cast body-part of a porn star? Those are very popular.

sloth said...

MM, are you spinning spinning spinning?

ham paw said...

I can't write about it now. The sirs are looking over my shoulder. They are menacing and wish to stab.

mountain man said...

Yes Sloth I am a whirl-i-gig of monstrously lovely proportions. The limbs and hair fly in circular motion. It makes pleasure and beads of sweat to form.

mountain man said...

Hi Ham P. Tell the sirs about your poison arrow tongue. They will stand back.

Sylphic Hatch said...

Planks are the way out of any sinking where.

sloth said...

Oh MM, Sloth can see you spinning and it is an astonishing sight. Sloth's heart swells with the monstrous beauty of it!

white dwarf said...

Mountain Man
I believe I have seen you dance; you looked like a Dark Spiral. You couldn't stop.

krixfort said...

I would like to whack the sirs with my flail? Is that possible. I am of a somewhat violent sect today.

Sir #1 said...

you must obey me, slug!

mountain man said...

Krix I am of your sect today. All violent acts are welcome on the sirs.

mountain man said...

White Dwarf, I believe I know you from the petting zoo. The children all love your albino hump.

mountain man said...

Sloth, I wish I could whirl as you tumble. Herky jerky to and fro motions on a stage of our setting. Choreographed to the post-music.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr said...

Krix, Mountain lets rumble. I am wearing the Berserk, Claw of Madness, and ready to fuck shit up....

Sir #3 said...

Oh no, not the flail again! Drats.

sloth said...

I'll send for the pee-stick girl. She'll drill them with her laser beam!

hyperactive unapologetic girl said...

but you said...

mountain man said...

Yes get the pee stick girl to enact hates on all sirs. Hyperactive girl, what are you unapologetic for? You sound like you are having a tantrum in your own head. Are you ok?

comatose apologetic boy said...

i am filled with pus and malevolence. i cocoon myself in judgment of others, i am a martyr to nothing, i sit expectant, i aggress.

mountain man said...

Oh Comatose boy, you sound angry. You and unapologetic girl should have a love connection with a bottle of tequila. Maybe you can find some common ground.

krixfort said...

after we diminish the sirs, I would like to dance and flail with Sloth and Mountain Man. I will throw my arms akimbo and gnash my teeth with glee.

Chichi said...

I have tequila hidden in my hanging bum folds. You can borrow it if you promise to give it back.

mountain man said...

Yes to the gnash Krix! It will be a time to gnash and bash. We will consume the fortress of vengeance and spray it outward from the force of our whirling torsos. The dark spiral is allowable.

nardlet said...

Comatose boy can't move or speak. He taps out messages in morse code with his penis. His private nurse sits nearby and transcribes.

fairy butler said...

Perhaps there is something to learn in the tao of the drifter? Odd drones are everywhere I turn. The eager dumdums who like to sit and waddle.

hyperactive unapologetic girl said...

but he said.....wait, did you say tequila?

ham paw said...

composite boy has turned. He is now a sir. He is pushing me into the tubers. I have no strength to resist them.

mountain man said...

Fairy B, the waddle, as you may have found, is very ill pleasing to the bum aspect. It makes the bum more pronounced and diapery. The waddlers are a boon.

sloth said...

Quick, Hammy - bash them!

mountain man said...

The tubers can be melted and made into a soup. Remember your poison tongue and the heating paws of ham. Turn the tuber to a smooth puree. Let's pound the sirs.

sloth said...

True, MM. Waddling leads to the mud-flap effect, which sweeps debris with forward movement.

fairy butler said...

I am hiding an angry small nibbler in one of my many belly floppers. With a great belch it will be released to create mayhem on the sirs and their ilk.

mountain man said...

Fairy, if I give you a Fresca, will you burp? I want you to.

fairy butler said...

yes, and I will inhale as I swallow, building the gases incrementally.

ham paw said...

The sirs are exuberant. They are bashing things and taking my blowhorn. These are the true eruptions. these are erupting the fluid co-existence with the capital markets of the universe. I am not one.

sloth said...

So the strategy is this: Krix attacks with the flail, then FB releases the nibblers. The pee-stick girl goes for the eyes, and MM will spin and whirl, to create a helicopter chopping effect with the limbs.

ham paw said...

I just punctured a tuber. It is foul

roid said...

i can squeeze your zit off comatose boy

sloth said...

and PD could come in and debunk the sirs. They won't stand a chance.

krixfort said...

Sloth you are a master strategist!

I am practicing using the flail here on The Rogue, the hooker and all the rest of the trolls.

I used the flail and it was good.

PD said...

I've got my debunking boots on... let's get at 'em.

ham paw said...

the flail works! I am practicing here with the sirs. Did you know they are jelly inside?

krixfort said...

haiku for Sloth!

oh Sloth! your log and
you are pleasant and welcome
in the land of blogs!

mountain man said...

I have chopped the heads off 16 sirs. I never knew my helicopter motions could be this effective. Thanks for the target strategism Sloth. You are a Leader of Many.

krixfort said...

haiku for Ham Paw!

Jelly sirs explode.
Flailing on the trading floor,
Ham Paw laughs with glee.

mountain man said...

Yes Ham, I see the jelly seeping out, telling the woeful tales of all the sins in their histories. They are merging together into a sour and stringy rainbow pudding.

mountain man said...

The pudding is searing burning painful. I cannot touch it or it will incinerate my hairy hand.

krixfort said...

I am feeling so much better now after watching MM helicopter all the jelly sirs. I must anon to my drinking hole henceforth.

Crux said...

Someone just punctured my tuber penis!

mountain man said...

Muchos love Krix. Thank you for your poems.

fairy butler said...

The nibblers move and dart about. They are lapping up the jelly, climbing up pant legs, munching ear tops and tuber breasts. Their song is wholesome but plaintive. They need to bite flesh. Their tiny mouths house numersous dental bits, cutting and shredding.

PD said...

I got jelly all over my boots.

krixfort said...

there is carnage to be sure but it is worthwhile. PD, perhaps Sloth's new cleaning lady can help you clean your boots.

sloth said...

Yes, Sloth will fetch Wandee to take care of the aftermath. She will love it!

sloth said...

Excellent job, critters. The jelly-shrapnel was flying so thick it was like a blizzard of goo. Truly delightful.

postmoderndebunker said...

Yes, I need a shine. These boots are sticky with deconstructed jam.

Wondee, where are you?

Wandee Love said...

Here I am, sugar. Just hold still while I bend over...

Wandee Love said...

Gotta scrub... those... boots. PD, Wandee thinks you have a wooden leg, meaning there is a stump up there somewhere. Is it in need of cleaning, too?

Anonymous said...

Ha, Ha, Ha. I just sold my stock in Smuckers.

postmoderndebunker said...

Yes Wandee, it's my peg. It's my Pirates peg in fact.

Wow, you are thorough.

Thoreau said...

Did someone call me? I've been walking in the woods. Wandee, come get this dung off my boots.

ham paw said...

The haiku is truthful.The sirs are mince meat. They are chow.

sloth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Wandee Love said...

Hang on, one at a time. Gotta get rid of these nibbler droppings first.

a company of laughing faces said...

We are astounded by the carnage and jam.

McFarland said...

Whoa, what's going on today? This shit gets weirder and weirder.

sloth said...

Ham Paw, maybe you should bottle the minced sirs and sell it on the internet.

Up-Chucklers said...

This is really gross.

Wandee Love said...

Go away, up-chuck. Wandee has enough to do already. now scat!

mmmmmmm said...

mmmmm, minced sirs and jelly. mmmmm.

sloth said...

on toast!

ham paw said...

They will only buy. They refuse to sell. It is a travesty.

Minced sirs said...

We'll be a famous dessert topping, worth millions! We would rub our greedy hands together with glee, if they were not minced up into pulp...

sloth said...

Hammy, Sloth wonders if the minced sirs will be good for your internal workings.

ham paw said...

they only clog. They are greasy, yes, but ultimately not productive. This is how the world works and drives our economy into doom. The end draws nigh. the jelly quakes

Jelly Quakes said...

Fruition of clobbering came upon you today. Nice team work, beautiful attituding and strategems.