Tuesday, March 22, 2005

My Mother

This is a picture of her. She wants me to come visit her in the mountains but I am not ready to see her. She is very mean sometimes, although I know she loves me. She poisons my stew and makes me eat spiders. I hate you mother!!!!

.

76 comments:

kitty said...

She looks so nice. I don't believe you are abused. You watch too much Oprah.

mountain man said...

i am abused!!! i am!!!! i never watch oprah. only dr. phil once in a while, when beth has too many bashes on her.

kevin federlien said...

Me and brit once had a party and like we all wore cloaks and my mother came with a mask on and I wore a mask that looked like her and she wanted to trade masks and I said no.

Bastard said...

No freakin' way! Did you do her?

Gus said...

MM i believe you were abused. That explains why you are so mental.

Heather said...

Your mom looks like a creep.

Poop Icon said...

Your mother looks like she hasn't bathed in a while. She looks pasty.

Peg said...

Never disrespect a man's mum!!! This is blasphemous.

krixfort said...

holy smokes MM! You must resemble your dad.

goblin said...

troll? what's new?

troll said...

HI GOBLIN!!! I missed you so much ohmygosh. I was practicing throwing dice by myself for 2 whole days. I am getting so good at it. Hey, do you know how to play poker?

mountain man said...

I am much more similar in appearance to my beloved papa. However this is meaningless as I was adopted, picked up as an infant from a drug addicted hippy in the back hills of West Virginia. Or so I am told.

goblin said...

texas hold 'em? I'm better at blackjack or Go Fish. What kind of dice were you throwing troll? Were they many sided D&D dice?

goblin said...

I've never played craps before.

ass goblin said...

Troll. DO not teach my baby sister to gamble. I do the devil's work all day. I do not want goblin to turn into the devil's plaything.

I'm warning you.

water goblin said...

I am mysterious. I have many teeth. I have my own theme song.

troll said...

i had regular dice, d & d dice, and yahtzee dice. How do you like me now? I am so moody, goblin. Sometimes I am sad, sometimes angry, sometimes happy. But mostly I just need to play games because I hate the world. Do you feel that way ever?

oprah said...

dr phil is my bitch.

goblin said...

yes troll. I do a lot. I really hate ass goblin right now for butting into my business. but mostly the world. It is my curse to be here somedays.

but today is nice.

goblin said...

troll you sound so sad. Do you want to go outside and play freeze tag?

K. Fed said...

I was in this wierd "situation" where a "goblin" and some gurls did a show for me. Was that you?

flavor of loves said...

I have many moments of beauty everyday and that is why I am so important. I have thoughts that are wrong.

troll said...

yes i would like to play the freeze tag. you're it!

gurl said...

i do shows for everyone. booby shows, poopoo shows, pee shows. just call me and i will be there.

ham paw said...

you need help kitty. you are the one with the problems. You and K Fed and Brit and goblin should go get married or something. I wanna go to the wedding and rip at the white cloth with my fat ham paws.

Steak Paw said...

Yeah!!! I agree, everyone over there should go get married. Me and Ham Paw will hold down the fort over here with all the meats.

ham paw said...

go ahead and get married. I don't care. I have a way of arranging things with my friend that cow lover. We don't take things seriously like you do. instead we like to be light and drink fresca and play toad, so to speak.

Pork Bather said...

Can I come too meaty paws? Would you be willing to get in a tub with me? I don't mean to be divisive, I am just really attracted to other meats.

goblin said...

FREEZE!

Ham Paw you're it.

Steak Paw said...

i have played toad once or twice before. is that like leap frog naked?

krixfort said...

k. fed, I think that was me.

Pork Bather said...

I have played toad I think too. I am pretty sure.

gurl said...

hey krixfort, haven't you done a poopoo show with me??

Soggy Pants said...

Hello. Who all is getting married? I am sweaty on my butt from too much sitting. I am a songwriter with a big beer gut.

ham paw said...

toad play is much more complicated than you know and involves preparation for correct application. I would suggest it as a wedding game but only with a professional game leader. I have experience in this practice, but have signed an oath prohibiting sharing of this game. It is very secretive for you and not for me. I was a mason in the past and it has something to do with it. i would like to try to share more some, but that is in the future years of America.

mountain man said...

I am dying to play toad. How can one be initiated? Please tell me ham paw. You are mysterious.

mountain man said...

Toad play is my new obsession. I vow to find out about it.

gurl said...

who would like to order their own private show?

Anonymous said...

Ham Paw is a jealous man. Ham Paw is jealous!!

britney said...

kevin please bring me some more samoas and tagalongs. NOW!!!

ham paw said...

this is a tremendous experience for those with back disorders. it truly aligns the back into a U shape. it is truly stretching to the back and the vaginal region. The scrotum are pressured. This is the time of the toad some say. It is time for you to eat some new things which are spicy. I have confidence in you and belief that you will find a way to practice this game with a new body of friends and soon they will be lovers of a sort. The love involved is purely natural, but not romantic or erotic in nature because it involves stretching.

peg said...

I'm uncomfortable with this

mountain man said...

I see. I can't really picture it but it sure sounds dangerous and fun all in one. Thanks for your insights HP. Would you like to play toad with me?

mountain man said...

peg, maybe if I held your legs you would feel more comfortable. i know you are more conservative. but i would hold your legs very politely.

Anonymous said...

This sounds disorderly. Maybe I was wrong about Ham Paw being jealous. I think he just wants to teach us a new sport. Sorry!

mountain man said...

I am trying to get in a U shape but I realize I can't do it on my own.

ham paw said...

Toad is a discovery meant for you to find in a more circular way for yourself. I have told you the way, now you must follow the path to the experience of the toad practice. I am pleased that you are keen to initiation but your sound judgements will take you further than blind following. it is a life long goal and it will be new to you due to your newness and hair. (There is shaving involved.)

mountain man said...

HAM PAW!!! This is too much, it's like what I have been looking for my whole entire life. I feel spiritually reborn just anticipating a new toad way of life. I am willing to shave!!!

Michael Jackson said...

I don't mean to be a blight on your blog, but I am also very interested in this toad play. Please do not tell very many people. I think it's a game I could play in my bed with my friends.

ham paw said...

I would like to encourage your readership to encounter me with a few rules. Those will be divulged in time due to the high impact of above information.The time is coming I think but I must consult with the readership through the brain trespassing.

Jason McMaster said...

Michael Jackson? Are you kidding me? That's too real. Make him go away. I don't like that one.

group groping said...

Please we would like to join you!

mountain man said...

HP I can handle it, believe me. Please come trespass my brain. I would like to lick your paws.

mountain man said...

I think this is a game that is big enough for everyone to participate in. Where should we meet? HP do you have a nice big loft we can all come to?

Regina said...

May I ask meekly to join in too? I have been reading this blog but have not commented until now. I am very very excited to commune with you.

dr. phil said...

this is all very unhealthy. stop!

yoga instructor said...

dr. phil SCRAM!!! i will bamboozle you with my breath of fire.

ham paw said...

I have just recieved word from the headquarters of above mentioned activities and I am not willing or able to participate in this practice for some time. the shaving is not enough has been indicated. This conversation has implicated me in a new problem of which it is impossible for me to experience without the use of a headset.

krixfort said...

This is too much MM. Maybe Toad will divert me from the bar!

I can almost get into the U shape but I can't do that and shave at the same time. :-(

ham paw said...

I apologize for my lack of leadership. I am the map director and this means that I am not the guide. the head set is significant for this reason and you must bear with me in this plight. I will offer some clues to assuage my feelings.

mountain man said...

HP I don't know what to say. You seemed like a leader at first and now you are turning to mushy mush. Cheers!!

ham paw said...

I am a leader but I rule with a paw rather than a fist. A leader knows when to delegate. I have used my skills to paw point without use of the powerpoint tool. This is naturally delightful.

ham paw said...

My paw crushes in it's wake. I have a back of rubber. I am pleasuring myself with the thinking of this practical moments to come.

mountain man said...

HP! Nice retort. I ham paw you all over in retaliation. I love you. I am satisfying myself with my imaginary ham paw. it is pleaseful.

Male Slut said...

Who here is a man that likes to play with men for gaming purposes? I want to steal you for the night.

mountain man said...

My shirt smells like corn.

mountain man said...

I am a man but I am not sure I want to play with you male slut. Sorry.

mountain man said...

Go twirl it somewhere else.

Jerkie said...

Oh my God Mountain Man! You are a complete nut! Keep it going please!

krixfort said...

Jerkie, you're comment number 69. Hope that doesn't send you over the edge. Good luck on your project.

Gas said...

Pork.

LIQUID said...

GAS!!! Is it really you?

Mountain man said...

Gas you are very soothing.

Anonymous said...

Corn is a symbol of stalin. If you wash up you will avoid the communist stain.

mountain man said...

I will wash up post-haste in the putrid men's room. But the more I was there, the more I will be stained with other men's germs. That is almost as bad as the communist regime.

postmoderndebunker said...

Your mama is a beauty--and not much facial hair as far as I can tell. To "anonymous"--I am the debunker of all things postmodern. My goal is to someday do a quadrouple axel combination jump in practice.