Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Krixfort gave me a good idea

Spywork with small compact mirrors!! Who knows what I will learn! Maybe I will see through to another dimension. I may find a portal somewhere. Maybe I will spy people picking their pimples in other cubes. Maybe I will spy unwanted hair on legs. I will keep a diary of what I find. I will spy every which way. I will buy many many small mirrors.

Thanks for this exciting new idea!!!

47 comments:

krixfort said...

glad to be of service

mountain man said...

Let's talk about what I may learn. What have you learned from this kind of exciting spywork?

Secret Agent said...

One time I was lurking under this woman's desk and I used a compact mirror to see up her fabulous dress. It was too fabulous.

Anonymous said...

I love to lurk too. I think a lot of people love to.

krixfort said...

lurkers are everywhere.

krixfort said...

tiny mirrors can be attached to your shoes to look up inside all manner of things. Two other tools that are helpful are small dachshunds with tiny spy cams attached to their collars for remote spying AND monkeys with cameras for spy photography. Everyone thinks monkeys just goof around but monkeys can be deadly photographers. They have good depth perception.

krixfort said...

the other thing you will need is a disguise. You can go with the mild mannered mountain man look or perhaps mountain man in drag. Dressing up as a republican doesn't fool anyone. You will be discovered for sure. I say, wear a turban. After spying, you can retire to the oasis for a hookah and some hummus.

mountain man said...

krixfort, i did not know this about monkeys. i am very excited. i have always wanted one as a pet and since i have terrible depth perception this might be just the thing to improve my lot.

i love hummus. however, it does give me a little gas. it is very tasty. i will wear a turban and a brassiere stuffed with down. i will be a uniquely tall woman with great personal style and mirrors on my shoes.

Franz said...

Chud beat me up last night. There must be something in the air with all the talk of bruising and scratching.

Gareth said...

I am a sick pervert. I love to look up people's skirts. I also love younger women. I am 55 and I only like to date women under 30. So actually the cut off age is 29. After that they get the mouth lines. That's a scary look on a woman. When they look like they talk too much? I HATE that. I would love to be able to convince all young women to stop smiling so they can avoid getting the mouth lines. I love perky breasts too.

krixfort said...

I have a victim to practice my spyying on, MM. I am going to expose his ignorance. But that is all I'm going to expose. euuuw.

Julie said...

Gareth, that is vile!!! I hope you hardly ever get laid. I can't believe you are saying that shit. I bet you look disgusting. I bet you have a colostomy bag.

krixfort said...

Gareth, you should date fat women. They don't get the mouth lines so much. Although they may talk a lot. Sometimes that can't be helped.

Chud said...

Franz, get over yourself. I have work to do. You are nothing to me. Just so everyone knows, I didn't beat him up. I ignored him.

Gareth said...

Krixfort that is hot. I never thought about it that way. I am not afraid of a little fat, but I am afraid of mouth lines. Fat. Hmmm...

mountain man said...

I love mouth lines. I think they are so severely sexy. And if a woman talks too much I just muzzle her. That is too cute. YEAH!

Julie said...

Muzzle??? That is so misogynistic. Women should be able to talk all they want. They talk sense.

Gareth said...

I don't have a colostomy bag, ladies. I am in great shape. I am healthy. I am ready for fun times.

Horny Beast said...

Gareth you are an idiot. I am here to gobble you up. I will put a curse on your family and take all your worldly belongings, put them in a sack and throw them in a river. DIE!!!!!

mountain man said...

I want to talk more about spying. What if I get a pen camera and take pictures in the men's room. I need a camera and a good quality recording device. I want to expose the truth.

Urine Trickle said...

You will expose nothing but me MM. I will be everywhere in the men's room.

krixfort said...

MM, that's so X-files. It's hot. I like the pen camera idea. And the recording device. A note of caution though: Never turn the recording device on yourself when drinking because you end up finding out that you interviewed a post card of Van gogh that you stuck on the refrigerator.

mountain man said...

i never want to record myself. i am too much of a fool!! even when i am trying to be one. i am even more of one. i prefer not to see or hear myself. but i like to write and make puppy dog style artworks.

i love getting drunk. we have that in common. DRUNK AS CHUNK!!!!

mountain man said...

CHUNK OF DRUNK!!!!!!

Peg said...

Drinking is bad for your liver, my friends. Please remember to stay hydrated. Water is a gift from Jesus.

postmoderndebunker said...

I was a spy for the big Monica Lewinsky case. It was only Jergen's lotion.

krixfort said...

MM, I'm interested in this portal idea. I hadn't thought of that before. If you find a portal while looking into a compact mirror, please let me know. I need a vacation and a wormhole sounds like a good place. Do you think your earthworm friends would know of any convenient wormholes I could crawl into? Or maybe just a crawlspace?

Anonymous said...

postmodern debunker? who are you? what is your ultimate goal?

mountain man said...

i heard it was lawyer's lotion.

Anonymous said...

i don't understand. what is this lawyer's lotion?

Barry McGurkin said...

Um, I think it's a euphemism for cheez wiz.

beth said...

Mountain Man, I wish you would make use of yourself in a better way than this. Please get back to your job. We can't afford for you to get fired.

krixfort said...

psst MM. tell Beth to shut her piehole. I'll join you on the unemployment line. We can look for wormholes.

mountain man said...

i have a secret to reveal which is that sometimes i hate beth. i never do what she asks, except when it involves sexy time. also i am very kind to her family. otherwise it is me against her, all the time.

Wormhole said...

I am waiting right here for you to find me.

Barry McGurkin said...

That sounds rather unhealthy. Perhaps you two should go to couples counseling. Either that or you should have her stuffed and put her on your mantle.

Necklace of Fire said...

I really really really miss lupus. I haven't seen him on here in so long. It stinks.

krixfort said...

I love taxidermy!

mountain man said...

Me too. I am hoping to take it up as a hobby one day. That and topiary. I love topiary. Also I wouldn't mind becoming an acrobat. I may be too tall for this. But to jump from soaring heights and grab swings. That is my kind of thrill.

Barry McGurkin said...

I have a collection of taxidermied swans on my front patio. It is truly dramatic, especially in the evenings. Glorious!

Cheez Wizard said...

PLEASE NOTE: CHEEZ WIZ AND LAWYER'S LOTION ARE NOT THE SAME THING. I believe lawyer's lotion is foot cream.

diabetes said...

i may have inadvertently murdered lupus.

krixfort said...

MM, when I was little my mom gave me a taxidermied bat to play with.

PS1 visitor said...

POO. On a side note. I saw a lot of poo yesterday. It was grody.

Peg said...

YOU NEED TO LOVE BETH BETTER. YOU NEED SOME love lessons. There is an organization called "concerned women of America" that sponsors lessons of this variety.

mountain man said...

beth doesn't mind that i hate her sometimes peg. she is cool with it. she likes the hostile rough stuff. and when she doesn't like it i smack her one.

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