Friday, March 25, 2005

EIGHT MOUNTAIN MAN PARTS

This is a disaster. Mountain Man's head is lying on the floor near the window. His left leg is in a toilet in the ladies' room. His right leg is in someone's lap. (I think her name is Mindy) His hands are each in a different candy bowl. His arms are smearing blood on a pile of folders on his boss's desk and his torso is missing. This is scary.

29 comments:

Darla said...

This is absolutely tragic. I think there is hope though. I have been sent by Ham Paw to help clean up the mess and reassemble MM. Maybe now would be a good time to put on the goat legs, seeing as his legs have already come off. The time is coming for a newer fresher MM. I am wearing a tutu and carrying a wand. I have 3 packages of ham to start with.

ham paw said...

I've come but I can't find the legs. I'm sorry MM. This is a sign of the coming alignment.

lion king said...

I'm going to suspend you over the mouth of hell and bleed you to death.

Darla said...

I have found the legs, someone was trying to steal them. Should we use his real legs or get the goat legs?

lion king said...

don't you hate it when you are in the line at the grocery store and some stupid C*nt tries to roll over your feet with her oversized baby carriage? Then puts all her groceries on top of yours because they can't wait 5 seconds for yours to move forward. Don't you hate that? Or how about when you are trying to do your wash and some other idiot bumps in front of you and puts their laundry in the dryer even though you were there first. Die c*unts.

lion king said...

and when you are trying to leave your parking spot and a retard in a minivan is blocking you doubleparking and refuses to move until you spit on her car.

ham paw said...

geez lion king! take a break, breath. Is it really so bad. Do you hate everybody. I'm sorry your hotrod got blocked in, but don't you think you may be acting a little like the woman who rolled over your foot. A little impatient maybe...

lion king said...

I hate everything. i wanna scratch.

Darla said...

MM is back together. it's ok, finally, it's ok.

krixfort said...

thank ZOD!

mountain man said...

I am back and feeling a little wobbly. But guess what? So romantic too. I am feeling wind blow through my hair. I am envisioning digging a trench where I will unearth a large semi-ritualistic tomb. There are fragments and figments in it. Kindness and random zooming. The sandworm has been vanquished. I want so much romance right now, I am going to call Beth and see about tying her to a tree in the woods.

Toilet Disaster said...

That was a bad mess you left in the stall. No one has cleaned it up yet.

Pierre said...

I am suggesting something to you which is that perhaps you should not shoot your mouth off so much and play with rodents. Maybe then you would not risk explosion and dismemberment and attack by the sandworms.

I am French. I live over here. I snack on pimentoes and cheese and drink creme de menth all day long. I feel I know what I am saying.

Titus said...

I hate frenchmen. You are probably a wang and an alcoholic. Let MM do what he wants. Only he knows what's best for him. I am sitting around at my garage with nothing to do. No one has a broken car today. I am bored.

mountain man said...

I bought a set of mermaid towels on my lunch break. I am excited to use them. I will use them to clean up the toilet disaster. Then they will be bloody and more interesting. Blood makes everything finer.

Titus said...

Are the mermaids bare-breasted on your towels? I bought some hot surfer chick towels about a month ago. They are hanging on the walls of my pad.

harry said...

are they hairy mermaids?

mountain man said...

I am so restless. I have taken to raping my orthopedic pillow.

krixfort said...

that sounds quite violent MM. Quite violent indeed.

mountain man said...

i know i am sorry. i will try to be sweeter. i will think of buttercups and perhaps their innocence will rub off on me.

postmoderndebunker said...

MM: is your stick intact?

mountain man said...

yeah i got it right between my 2 rocks. it's a little smaller than it was before but i think it's just scared.

Dirty Whore said...

Hi! Can anyone get used to me? I love to party. I am 5'9" and have large breasts. I have a little paunch around the middle but nothing to be scared of. I have straight black hair and a nice sized rump. I like kittens and I talk to myself in the mirror every night for at least an hour. I like to read mystery novels and I've always wanted to visit France. I am 35 but I look 33.

postmoderndebunker said...

THANK GOD!! I was getting worried...I lika you stick. I see your schtick is intact too. Let's schtub and rub.

mountain man said...

What? What's this? You want to licka my stick!! YES!! Only please remove your teeth before inserting it in your mouth. More excitement for Mountain Man. Everything changes from bad to good and back to bad without warning. The cycle of punishment and reward, of you becoming me, is neverending. I am leaning towards the left, I am grabbing my stick. This is good. My shaggy hair is wiggling around on my head. I am proposing chocolate for myself.

Anonymous said...

YOU PEOPLE ARE NAUSEATING!!! HOW CAN YOU WASTE YOUR TIME IN THIS MANNER!!!

narcissus said...

I just got back from the stick, I mean the Styx. I was hanging with a three headed dog. I'm ready for the weekend.

stick licker said...

I'm hungry. I need a waffle.

waffle said...

eat me.