Friday, April 06, 2007

Joseph Wright of Derby



Cave at Evening, 1774

Into the cave I am travelling in order to expand and contract into a better person. Suckiness is banished as are foul utterances, except if they are said in jest. Today I write the press release announcing my exciting involvement with orthotic devices. Expect to read about my new form of ambulation which includes four different kinds of canes. A special kind of blister results but it is no match for the spunk I experience when I move around on these canes.

25 comments:

mountain man said...

I am thinking about Easter and ham. I never really had a glazed ham before, I don't think. Maybe I should make some to see what the fuss is about. Do you eat it with pineapples? I mean you don't have to eat it that way do you? It is confusing, the icon of glazed ham. Who wants to tell me about the hams of life?

sloths said...

There is a certain ham who will self-sacrificingly tell you the secret recipe, mm. I'm going to mail you some toast to sop up the honey glaze. I'm a little worried it might get soggy on the boat, so I'll shellac it first. It will be sent to:

Mountain Man
c/o The Cave
Box 3407 Derby, England


3407 is "love" upside down. I wrote it for the bats.

USB said...

Dear MM:
HAM? Shame on you - isn't it supposed to be lamb?
Mind you I have vague memories of glazed ham complete with rings o pineapples and marachino cherries... prime 1960's Haute cuisine...urg...
Excuse me, I'm resorting to attacking my easter bunnie with a hatchet..Its a charming sight first thing in the morning...

Corny said...

The proper way to cook ham is to throw it in a garbage can, douse it with gasoline and set it on fire.
Pineapple is optional.

mountain man said...

See USB, I knew it, every Christian has a history with Ham and Pineapple.

Thanks for the tips on cooking, you caught me right before I was going to improperly cook my ham by sitting it along side me in a lukewarm bathtub. For better flavor, stay there all day, adding spices as you desire. From either packets or your own fat folds.

pork butt of shame said...

glaze me, baby.
don't forget the tansy pudding.
schwean haben!

mountain man said...

Goodness, that is luck for you, a double-snouted pigger. I'm gonna hunt me one this weekend and lather it with molasses.

pb of s said...

don't forget to put TWO apples on your shopping list.

mountain man said...

Will do, PB of S. Hey where does the shame part of your name come from? Are you ashamed of your porkworthiness?

porks said...

the shame comes from being born a lowly pork butt, when everyone is all ga-ga for the spring lamb. plus you know, the lamb is so very cute and innocent and everything, but i can't help thinking violent thoughts about it. my big porky butt blushes like a thermometer just thinking about it.

fb said...

i am totally having glazed ham on sunday mm. YUM. please tell me about the canes. are they made of rhino horn with engraved pewter toppers? like snake faces and bats? is there a ham cane? is one expandable? can you launch on them? see i have a lot of questions here....

fb said...

does one contain saran gas in a secret compartment? is there a cocaine compartment? a rubbers compartment?

martin said...

i really really liked "babe, pig in the city".

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