Monday, January 15, 2007

Time to Smarten Up



It is that time again. Time to make the doughnuts. Time to write two syllabi for this coming semester. Time to re-animate thoughts and tone up that flabby lazy ass-brain.

I am teaching a seminar on contemporary art for juniors and a drawing class for seniors wherein I will preach the necessity for utilizing the ass as the generative creative force: draw from your ass, contemplate your ass, pay homage to your ass. Your ass will be there for you through thick and thin. Please replace all other ideas with this one.

48 comments:

syllabi said...

Thick
Thick
Thick no thin
all ideas have been replaced and you are on the top of my mind

MM said...

Dear Syllabi,

You are very elusive. I cannot order you in real or fake time, you are simply out of my grasp for now, however I have high hopes that I will tussle with you and win sometime soon.

For now, I am replacing myself with someone else, someone smarter and more rampant.

Last night I had a dream I had unlawfully entered my neighbor's apartment. By accident. They were mad, it was embarrassing.

More later,

Love,

MM

neigh-bore said...

I wasn't mad I was angry. You were the one foaming.

Chew Toy of a Whore said...

I am jealous of this fatty's sody pop. I have wants.

fairy butler said...

week one: micro-dermabrasion for asses, cleansing and powdering

week two: methods of kneading the dough, ie - rough n' tumble, roll it out, grab hand method, etc.

week three: exercising the sphincter to ready it for paint brushes, expolsion techniques, grafting

week four: diapering

MM said...

FB clearly you should be teaching this class.

peeds said...

You got to make them turn in their ASS-ignments, or be swallowed up in the dark hole.

Corny said...

AAAAAARGUE! I will have to kick you very hard for bringing up school related topic. Can I just say DREAD-HATE-FUCK are the words that pop into my head. Is it worth it? Can't I not have health insurance? I only go to the doctor once a year and if I have to go to a hospital for an emergency, the only thing that matters is my do not resusitate order. Just thinking out loud.

MM said...

Corny. I wish I could get health insurance to compensate me more for the foulness. However yes, the hates are here and I am sorry I assaulted you with this reminder. I can't believe that this time next week I will be pretending I have something to say. (Trust me I DO NOT.)

PS - Maybe you do not need the health insurance. Maybe you just need a breastplate and sword.

goblin said...

mother!

hams said...

I'll take the breastplate please. Sword for cutting off limbs. pincers for trimming nails. knives for decapitation. scizzors for hair shredding. large caldron for cooking ointments for boils. acid for wart removal. meat cutters for ass. tin snips for wayward moles.

hammy said...

truck for removal of dead skin cells..

hams said...

oil of evergreen for travel sickness

hams said...

ginger snaps

h. p. said...

kool aid

The Capt'n said...

Whoa, MM, this sounds dreadful, even though in reality any class you teach I'm sure would be killer, just saying. Plus with FB in your corner, badda bing. Just have her come in to guest lecture like 6 times, and you're halfway home.

I love Hams said...

Hams, I love your list. Ginger snaps and meat cutters for ass. I will meet you anytime anywhere with all the instruments you require. I would like to be your aide.

MM said...

Hi Capt'n. Are you dreaming of sharks? I am sometimes. Do you dream of moist towelettes also? Gimp? Toiletries. Just wondrin'

I should shine with a more positive light. How do I learn this skill?

lantern said...

Pull yer wick up.

MM said...

My wick is up. What next?

MM said...

Me so cccccccold.

lantern said...

Light it.

lantern said...

Light it and run.....

lantern said...

or smolder...

lantern said...

by the way...

behest
behead
besmirch
behold
behoove
belabor
bejewel
belligerent
Belinda Carlyle

lantern said...

weird
smirch and besmirch are the same
beweird

MM said...

Smirch, I am going to use that instead of besmirch. Less work.

lantern said...

begood idea

Cradle said...

Begood to beyourself. Begoodnight.

peeds said...

I forgot to tell you MM--if you need an extra large ass--I'll be happy to visit your class...for free.

skin crab said...

help me, i am tiny , meek and whince, I'm trapped in the second tier of folds. please send help!

MM said...

Why does my stat counter keep being reset to zero. It's happened at least twice. Now I want to get rid of it but am too stupid. Help.

ass crack of a chew toy said...

wanna party?

Chew Toy of a Whore said...

Gnar gnar. I am interested in the spoils from the ass crack, please come over soon.

Anonymous said...

Dear sleepless Chew Toy,
I have an excercise regimen guaranteed to put you out. No more late night tumble. No more early morning mourning. Just zzzz's for days.

Chew Toy of a Whore said...

Is it stilt-walking? Is it low-impact spinning? Long-distance spotting?

Anonymous said...

Long-distance spot-walking, exactly.

holdin' my pee said...

am on stike holding my pee until I run into you MM
you'll know I'll be the one who pisses gallons upon seeing you

holdin' my pee said...

also HOW DID I MISS THE DOUG HENNING POST
MM there's always room for beauty in the world of magic

gree c said...

maybe no more coffee holdin'
MM I'll come to your first class if you need as class monitor I'll wear tight polyester knit pants with a 2 inch long split on the ass seam and no students will be able to think of anything else

wii spray said...

Don't hold it too long...

http://www.physorg.com/news88141417.html

still holdin' said...

don't worry I'm wearing the brain calipers so I know when my brain swelling is reaching lethal levels

arrrrthur said...

http://www.clemenskogler.net/film/grandcontent.htm

I am stealing from elsewhere and hoping it's not already overly spammed and leaving this link on dah blogs in honor of honor and birthdays and awkwardness and love and.

usb said...

Dear MM:
Missed seeing ya and UF today.. but the kid did really well! The Clan was well behaved. Birthday hugs and kisses from all here in the north.. and Bubbles was delighted to see the young'un. Photos are likely to surface..heard about gather plans for this summer. Sounds like a plan!! Happy Birthday Bumps to ya!

kf said...

Happy belated BD to MM!
behearts,
kf

regi p said...

I have been separated from the internets against my will. Glad to see you all are still alive or are you a computer program.

Happy BD MM (and dubzy if you are reading).

The new wicker man makes me furious. I am planning to assassinate Nicholas Cage and I wont do it by burning him alive. Maybe removing his intestines slowly though a meat grinder or cutting off body parts and pieces one a day. A huge ass is a piece of art in itself . You are wise to choose the ass.

I had a dream that I had died. Mrs Nora White a 70 year old black woman was dead too. We were admiring the flowers at our funeral. Please let me know if you come across the obituary of Mrs Nora White.

I am returning to the real world again, goodbye.

fairy butler said...

mm, i don't like it when you go away for so long. sads. will you come back?

usb said...

Dear MM:
How's it going.. are you checkin in to see our posts? US is running off to Key West and leaving me here in the frozen north for a week....mind you, he had a very busy month - got a good gig and sang really well. is ataying with the cousins who shall remain nameless...the Flower lady was real pissed when this came up about a week ago....Tee hee..