Thursday, January 11, 2007

A Letter

Dear Noggin,

Help me for I cannot hold the clamp steady. The clamp holds the metal in place. The metal is formed in the shape of charming yet functionless decoration. The decorative metal is meant to inspire peace. The peace is meant to fill your soul with goodness, yet none of this can occur with the clamp coming loose all the time as it does.

I wish I had you near me to hold the clamp in place!

Accordingly, please try to come over when you can, as I have been standing here for days, trying to hold the clamp steady, but as I've said, the clamp keeps coming loose and now my hands are numb and bloody.

Aside from that, I still need you to come over.




Greta said...

I'll come over. I have strong hands.

Hoho said...

My hands are limp as fish but I will come over anyway.

brain cell said...

will someone please kill me?

The Capt'n said...

Dear Crumble,
I'll fill in for Noggin if s/he/it can't come over. I don't have much to offer other than an iron fist and a can-do attitude.

I'm glad we had this talk,


mountain man said...

Dear Capt'n,

Crumble told me to tell you thank you and yes will you please come over when you are ready. Crumble will provide you with gas, food and lodging, should you require it.


With grace and a fun attitude,

Deepest wishes for goodness upon you,


clamp said...

Chomptastic impossibilities, how?
Needing, and meeting like this. I confused get; shouldn't you let it fall?
No time like the present.

present said...

You are a gift.

clamp said...

True be that. I hold things fast.

Alert said...

I have wide eyes and am hyper-vigilant. It does no good.

Alert said...

Anyway I have no hands but my wish is to cradle anyway.

clockface said...

I only have hands to cradle the passage.

clamp said...

I only have jaws to keep things together.

mountain man said...

Hi. I have an embarrassing pet problem which is running rampant again. Pets are leaking everywhere, from every hole. It is a most horrible leak. First it started with domesticated possums, now it has led to wild porcupines and svelte rabbits. They leak from holes that are too small: as they ker-plonk on the floor, one by one, after an uncomfortable exit, for both myself and my pets, I find they have asphyxiated. It is both annoying and traumatic, as well as embarrassing, in conclusion, to name a few.

I am not like the others.

As a result I believe a disaster may be brewing.

On top of that, maraschino cherries have been outlawed in our county. This is distressing as maraschino cherries are a treat I have been enjoying with any number of dishes, almost daily. Maraschino cherries! Banned in our county! A senseless and unexpected turn of events.

slothy said...

hi ems, can I come over with my hot-glue gun & glue the clamp in place? I know this won't solve the cherry problem, but once peace & goodness are achieved the cherries will come rolling back I am thinking. The rodents could also be hot-glued together in a tower formation.

hammy said...

no disaster is brewing! the clamp is strong

MM said...

Hi Sloth & Hams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night surreal disaster scenarios were unleashing themselves on my brain. What can I say? It was both fun and nightmarish.

lupopis said...

have you tried beef jerky?

hi MMSlothyHams