Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Troublemakers: a Series of Correspondences, Part I


Dear John Crevelle,

I think it's you but I'm not sure. You are the artist, right? Who paints realistically and used to live in Philadelphia? I have a memory of your paintings but I can't remember them exactly or where I saw them. I know it was Philadelphia. Are you still at it? I hope so. If there is any place to view your art on the internet, will you let me know? I still live in Philadelphia. I am an Art Lover. I made a list of people who's work I liked a long time ago and recently found it again and now I am trying to track you all down due to the fact that I have some disposable income. My grandmother died and left me a great deal of cash. This is an exciting time for me, I can only hope it is exciting for you too. It's great to get older and have success and support the things you believe in. Consider this a magical gift from the great beyond. I never had kids and am now realizing it
is because I need to support the arts. My husband agrees with me on that note. (haha)

Are you teaching? I used to teach business at La Salle University. I don't teach now. I couldn't take the stress.

I hope to see your work again soon. I like realistic style painting the best. I never met you I don't think. Unless you are the one with brown hair. Are you? Please

Yours truly,

Doris Kelpie


Dear Doris,

Well, you got me. I'm the realistic painter. I still paint and teach. I'm not sure how we knew each other though. I went to the Pennsylvania Acadamy of the Fine Arts, maybe that had something to do with it.

Glad to hear your doing well. I do miss Philadelphia, I'm in NYC now.



Dear John,

How wonderful to hear from you right away like that!!! Now i remember that I met you at an academy event. Years have passed since that time. Are you still attractive? People tell me that I am attractive. No grey hairs yet. Thank goodness, right? Please say we can do a studio visit. As I mentioned earlier, I want to purchase art.

Thank you for your eagerness.





I still can't place you. Perhaps if you email me a picture of yourself
it will jog my memory.




I haven't heard from you in awhile. Are you still out there?



Dear John,

HI AFTER SO LONG!!!!!! I am so sorry I have not been in touch with you. You won't believe what happened. However it's a long story and I don't want to bore you. Needless to say, I have been thinking of you during this absurd trial. How are your students? How do you do?

I do good. I broke it off with my husband for real. He is a pilot and our schedules didn't jive. I am very open it seems. I really want to be open to you, but I am shy. I'm afraid to send my picture. My friend took it after a few whiskeys and it's a tad dirty. I find it hard to stay off the sauce!! :) But listen I want to commune with you. Have you ever heard of the hop scotch contortion? If not I will teach you. Won't it be funny for you to be the student!!





It sounds like your going through a difficult a time in your life. I'm
terribly sorry to hear that. I must tell you that I have a girlfriend
who I am very much in love with. We've been together for several years,
living together, and some day I hope she'll make that oh so very precarious
commitment. When you wrote me I thought you were interested in
discussing art. Perhaps you should take some time to heal.



Hi John,

I am wondering if you were ever able to get married. I hope so. You sounded great for each other. How is it at school? The teaching and such. I have been making a
point to see as many art shows as I can. I am waiting for your email alerting me to your next solo show. When will that be?

I hope you are painting and teaching well. Neither endeavor is easy, as you know. Good luck and best to you always.





I've got to tell you I can't place you from Phila. Unless you can send me a
picture of yourself so I can figure out who I'm emailing, I'm going to have
to ask you to stop emailing me. Sorry.



haniel said...

Dear John letters are a family thing, an inheritance if you will.

trixie said...

I guess so but I don't know what you mean. I am dense, a thicket.

Wristwatch said...

Someone is turning my hands backwards so I can get better in touch with yesterday.

Daniel said...

Haniel why did you replace your D with an H. Or was it always an H. I have questions that never stop.

Unicorn with Scarf said...

I hate my scarf.

haniel said...

Entropy is the "It" gift of the season.

haniel said...

Daniel, my brother, it was always an "h," a scarlet "h," emblazoned on my chest.

Corny said...

I'm hoping for some Purell Instant hand sanitizing wipes for Chanukah. It's the "it" gift of the season if you like to sanitize/moisturize on the go.

mountain man said...

I will try to find those for you Corny. I am straining to be the Chanukah Fairy this year. Nuggets and wipes for all.

MM said...

H stands for you can do anything.

MM said...

"You can do anything!"

cynthia B. said...

holy shit. That cracks me up so bad. "I am going to have to ask you to stop emailing me." okay???? oh Doris, you are very open it seems!!!!

cyndy said...

more. please. more!!!

The Capt'n said...

Who are these krazy Troublemakers? I love it.

hanial said...

I want to be able to do anything, but I am not allowed.

cyndy said...


Clockface said...

Wristwatch, I totally understand. I myself had my face slapped backwards and forewards til time blurred about. Now there is nothing but the incessant "tick, tick, tick" and a ringing in my ears. It is quite alarming; yesterday was forever ago.

Troublemaker said...

Yesterday loves you. It is important to stir it up. Allow misfortunes and maladaptions. If your face is screwed up consider yourself lucky to be feeling is my feeling. I for one love feeling. There is more correspondence to come.

MM said...

Cynthia there is more as you know. Tomorrow is part II in the series: An Emergency Easter portrait.

Concheta Broadhead, a large woman said...

There is hate in my heart but also love. I am violent but very calming, it is hard to explain. If I was blonder and smaller you would be more apt to believe what I tell you, this is my self-deception. In any event let's meet and eat candy in order to avoid the steaming abortion plot.

Concheta Broadhead, large but with a medium-sized head said...


Sammy No Hands said...

Concheta you are with me in the capacity for being able to do anything in spite of etc., etc., etc.

I saw Wicker Man tonight. It was incredible. It made me glad to have no hands with which to not remove my cat mask.

Stan said...

Oh my God I need to tell you how much I love porn. Porn! I love it!

Mouse said...

I miss everything. So much and it hurts my whiskers.

USB said...

Dear MM:
Doggy treats didn't get a grat reaction. Offering Cat treats causes Kitti to get very annoyed..US is still under the bed-24 hours now and counting down... tick, tick. I'm streessed trying to get my work done so I can have a few days of feasitive peace and relative sanity?
Like the scenerio.. lock down a treatment, develop the rest of the characters, and flog it in Tinsel town. Chat it up to a few well placed agents and hey... may be cast jolie and brad in the two main roles..? Waiting for developments..
and the envelope at the end of workday tomorrow! Holidays approach! Spending sprees, TAX time!!!!

Messy Closet said...

I am jammed up with important papers and items, all shoved up with unattended business. There may be kitty treats in me, who can tell for the layers and layers of crap that swims in me. Hi!

intern said...

you need an exam....

jam hands said...

I think I have the troublemaking abilities but I am unsure of this.

peeds said...

Oh my god!! MM, this is too funny. It was funny before I actually read the correspondence, but even funnier now that I have!!

Anonymous said...

more please.