Dear Sleep,
I miss you. I used to be so good at you but now it seems we have grown apart. Please come back sometime. If not now then very soon. I will give you whatever you ask for. Cash dollars even, a blood sacrifice maybe. Until then, I will lie awake thinking of lettuce.
Love,
MM
75 comments:
oh my god mm. i was up all night and considered blogging. terrorists have struck my life in the night. eliminating sleep and perpetrating anger and unpleasantness.
shall we sign up for a sleep course mm? maybe first i will get my own studio apartment.
probs.
FB the no sleep is the worst. I am so heavy lidded this a.m. What to do. Who to be. How to bite.
i am jittery but tired. my hand is covered in bloody wounds and bandage from some more cat whispering from yesterday. i am pretending to be normal and functioning, however. let's fool the general public! what do you say?
More cat battles? Ugh. I am scared of these nasty Bushwick feral bruiser-cats.
I am ready to pretend to be normal. Chances are though, it won't work.
FB, I got you some rocket seeds. No kidding. The Arugula. I give it to you next time I see you.
@ beige I am working on an article about passing 2 or more unformed stools. why? why? a clinical table charting stools.
mm, i had to battle my own cat. i tried to usher him in before the full on freak show but i misjudged and he punctured, etc.
wow, Rocket seed!!! YAY!!! Although the stupid birds are eating all my baby lettuces - or something is. I will have to sort this out before the rocket plantings.
Can you buy netting to put over your greens?
i may need to do this. that and an organic soap/pesticide somethign. I am not 100% sure what is eating it.
I am so into gardening it's become obsessive. The greens are all consuming. I want to grow everything. I planted some fennel. The zucchini plants are getting out of control, we will have to make outfits out of them. Zucchini protrusions on a vest I am thinking - the fertility goddess zucchini vest. Consider that there will be drool.
Hmmm, how will you figure out who/what is eating your greens? Spy cam?
i watched a bird eat from the lettuces one morning. the greens are pathetic now - really pointless. i am jealous of the zuccs mm. let's make a zucchini tower as well as the cock vest.
There has to be a solution to the bird problem. Look up online maybe? Netting really does work. I guess it's harder to do with planters. You can do it FB. The greens want to live so they can die in your gullet.
Cock vest. Tuber boob vest. Yes.
i will also keep some in my special area, undercover.
Anon, do you mean the netting? You will put netting over your undercover area? Or birds. Or cocks. Or greens. Or are your privates already green? I am disgusting.
I am obsessed with putting the vegetables into neat rows. I bend over to show my large bum in the way of comical cut-outs placed on suburban lawns. I deserve to be kicked but please don't do it. I tend to the bean stalks. I think of mass murder.
Morning pals of the ether. I must give up the drink. I did sleep, but awoke to the hurts and sadness.
Greens for life is what I say. MM I cannot wait to see the garden and eat the riches from the soil.
FB, what's with the cat bites. This is troubling to me. Are you okay?
PD drink is a trickster that gives you satisfaction and a bad feeling all at once. No fair. I am drunk on hooch right now.
PD, MM promises to share greens with you. You may do what you wish with them. Plus a hackeysack comes with this offer.
Just bring a smile and a hunk of wax to bite into when you come over.
FB, my friend uses this stuff called Dried Blood. Don't ask. It's organic and works as a fertilizer and animal repellent.
http://www.garden-services.com/dryblood.html
Don't collect your own.
I have seen this dried blood and wondered what it is for. Hi Krix. Dried Blood to you this morning. In a nice way.
Hi Drunk in the morning! I think we've met before.
I hear the dried blood is a little stinky at first. But then the smell goes away. Kind of like New York.
Drunk is ok by me. Drunk, high and wizened. The trilogy of personal power.
top o' the mornin' to ye, Drunk In The Morning! You'll be joinin' us for a wee pint then?
Yeah Krix except the smell comes back in the case of NY. But I think I get what you mean.
I have a glass of vodka I am working on, Leprechaun. But I am willing to try beer when I get dehydrated.
I cannot stay away. I like to haunt.
Hey who's the barber here?
I am in need of a good smell haunting. I need to be revived. Perhaps the sulfur of love will come into me.
Yar! And I am drinking Rum! Let's all sit at the barrrr! A Leprechaun, a Mountain Man, and a master of the high seas, Me. Swashbuckler! Argh!
I smell great.
Swashbuckler, that is the beginning of a bad joke, I am thinking.
Swashbuckler why do they call you that. I want you to swab the decks with a q-tip and get yourself into the brig. Then remove your pant legs.
RF, eeeeuuuw.
Hey Krix, peanut butter and jealous much?
I thought so.
I smell like a hershey bar.
I turn my back for a second...
Ugh make this morning go away.
MM I miss you.
Come meet me under the bridge PD. I will do a funny twirl dance for you and feed you seeds of forgetfulness. Also chicken.
I am waiting for you PD in a tepid bath. I am lime-flavored today. It is not real lime but so what.
AYE PD! My special friend. How are the pirates classes?
You need to be adjusted PD. Hold on a moment. There. Can you feel the shaman of ancient wizardry making passes at your inner sanctum? You are one with the world!!! IT IS SO INTENSE.
Locate your rectum, insert a cone and spin upon the axis of your choosing.
Real lime is overrated MM. Fake lime is better for you. Chock full of vitamins.
Who wants to come eat pizza with me on a hot rock in the salty sun by the sea? I will buy you some bling.
They call me Swashbuckler because that's the name my mother gave me. My brother's name is Swatchbuckler. He likes day-glo.
Thank you Krix. You are kind to approve of my fake citrus smell. Do you see what is happening? There is no meaning here. Only herky jerky spasms of the dried sponge that is my brain.
Fb, I will teach you some tricks to keep your hnds safe from harm.
I am your cousin.
Is the sponge brain rattling around in your brain cage MM? If so then more vodka must be consumed. If not things are copacetic.
hello!
AHHHHH Switchbacler! long time no see. want to come out for a spin on my schooner?
what about me? I'll bring a pot o' gold. and some pot.
You are right Krix. There is no rattling, just the faint sound of chewing. I think all is good. All is on fire and set to pop.
hiya dubz! are you having a choad free day today?
Hey WW! I have forged your name on a release form I hope you don't mind. What it states is that I may perform unlicensed surgery upon your rectum with a trowel. Get ready to relax, there will be no anesthetic. Chew on the wax, PD can tell you. I will perform the scrape pursuant to the affidavit.
I am ready
hi krix. choads galore. i even have a few up my bum. mm, please remove them with the trowel. i'll lay out a few napkins to rest the bloody parts on. i made need lubrication.
**great***idea****
let's make choad fritters.
Thank you spiritual plumber! I feel much better. With a pirates class, I'll be all set. Arghhhh
wazzup Dubz?
nothin'. bored already. did u know we're actually hosting a round-up of schoolchildren's relics-n-such? it is a tragedy. it is not cool.
So I heard. Too bad it ain't first graders.
same diff.
oh mm, I hate hate hate the no-sleep feeling. It's like a beltsander to the psyche. I hope you're napping soundly now.
I had a short period of the no-sleeps and the sweats last night. Only short, though. What does this mean, Doctor?
MM, I confess that I took your sleep and used it for 14 hours. It caused me to have frightening dreams of riding roller coasters. I didn't get to sit in a coaster car. Wheels had been surgically attached to my hands and feet and I rode the rails, there were several scary upside down loops and I woke up frightend by the site of the upcoming tunnel.
mm you need the blue wonder. have you already tried it?
I have a question, highly relevant to your post, dear MM, that I suspect pd might be able to answer:
What's the ingredients of a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone?
Just a single girl's guess.
CORRECT!
losers
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