Friday, December 30, 2005

Welcome Back

So Uncle F. and I got back last night, tired, homely, quaking like jelly. Woke up and went down to the shack for an hour or two, just to remember who I am before the duties of the weekend conspire against me and my liver. Ok. Here's what happened. I sit down on my futon. This is my futon from 1994. It has seen many homes in both Philadelphia and NY and finally found purchase in the shack a few years ago. It is very uncomfortable, forcing one to sit upright, which is not fun for one if one has ever tried it. (I am more of a huncher but I digress). HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED:

I am sitting there thinking, Jesus I am a shitty painter, then I thought wow it smells like cow in here. I mean really. I smell cow. I didn't smell cow when I walked in and didn't notice it right away but there it was. Was it b.o.? My brand new pants? What? I sniff and sniff. Did I step in dog whatnot? No. Nothing. No sign. I hallucinate that maybe my pants were in a box near a pile of dogshit for weeks before they are taken out and put on the rack. Some weird coincidence of poo. Huh. How could the employees not notice a pile of dog doo in their stockroom? How could I not notice the smell when I tried these pants on yesterday? Why is there no stain? I quickly sit up. Revelation. I pull back the blanket I have been sitting on for several minutes. Underneath is a squished dead mouse. A mouse. Yes. I have been sitting on a mouse corpse. It smells real real real grody. I almost cry. I scream. I puke a little. I make believe I am someone else who is more adept at mouse disposal it gets disposed of. I leave shack. I go home. I take taxi. Taxi driver asks me if I would like to go to a club with him on New Year's, he is looking for companionship. He asks me also to accompany him to San Juan, Puerto Rico in February, tells me all about the roads there. High quality, no bumps. As I exit the cab, he hands me his phone number. He tells me to meet him at the club at 1 am on New Year's, I am to dress Goth. I tell him definitely I will be there. On the scrap where he has written his phone number and name (name is unintelligible, written in Arabic, I think) he has written "Karma." By this time I am somewhat freaked out.

I just wanted you to know. Thanks for your time.

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

EEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUU.
Did you flush it?
Throw it out the window?
Or did a compassionate fairy come to the rescue?
Death stinks for good reason.

wala said...

ah. mouse adversity
and cab bage. my
days have not been
nearly eventful.
happy new york.
eh, year.

postmoderndebunker said...

eek! A mouse.
Okay, that is grody. I hate rodents...but dead smelly rodents are the worse. I woulda made a run for it--leaving the disposal for a professional. OR, I would of invited the asshole cab driver over to clean it up.

cab driver said...

Beautiful Lady,
I would clean up dead mouse for you anytime. Call me or meet me in Goth.

Mountain Man said...

Monster Spank!!!! It's been ages. So nice to see you. Happy New Year to yours. I hope your days have been well if not eventful. And if not well than bareable.

A compassionate fairy came and inhabited me for a few small minutes in order for me to be able to subsist through this ordeal. That is the only explanation.

This cab driver is not invited in. He was a funny funny man but I don't think I'll be calling him for anything, even for the dead mouse.

Goth on the Inside said...

Dear Cabbie,

I don't think MM wants to meet you. But I do. Please call me at the number I've psychically placed inside your mind. I am eager to bring out my true self in the dark dress of the Goth. I am black on the inside but have not brought it to what I wear on the outside.

I am extremely sexy. Promise.

Kisses,

Shy Gother

Bat and Rat of the Night and Day said...

Dear Shy Goth,

I do not believe you are really a Goth. If you smear your eyes with my feces then I will. Maybe you don't care what I think but you should. I am in control of your Karma.

Kisses,

Soul Catcher

Mountain Man said...

Listen folks, this is a serious blog in case you haven't noticed. It is not a pen pal club for the disaffected. Please return to your respective places of hiding and stop using me as your post office. I am truly very angry.

Heart As Arena said...

Great reggae reference ioveless, and welcome back MM.

Mountain Man said...

HI HEART!!!!! How was Pitts? We got nowhere fast in terms of art-seeing. Happy New Year? Want to go to the Goth club instead of me?

sloth said...

Hi MM! perhaps the mouse could be taxidermied & incorporated into a Fritz-relic? The mouse bum could be shaved and proudly displayed: a beacon and a warning.

cab driver said...

Beautiful Lady,
I would very much like to shave your bum. I would even massage it afterwards. For this, you do not have to dress Gothically if you do not want. Maybe Emo?

fairy butler said...

next time call arthur. he is a good disposer of critters and is also available for the bashing.

that is a hideous series of events mm. hideous.

last winter I spent a day in the shack with a dying critter that finally just disappeared. terrible.

martin said...

i think that mouse must have missed you so much it died of a broken heart, alone, thinking you would never return.

sloth said...

martin, that is so tragic that it must be true.

Heart As Arena said...

Hi hi. Pittsburgh rocked Hearts house. Hope your PA travels were good, if not art-filled. No goth for this boy. I've put in my time at the Black Tape For A Blue Girl counter. And MM, much sympathy for the olfactory situation. Experienced that once on a return from a long weekend. Ruff style, mon. At any rate, happier cabbing.

Mountain Man said...

Yeah, me man Hearts. It was rough but Pitts was cool as it could be as was Maryland as is NYC with the family still in tow. It is what it is, it was what it was. I hope you receive my meaning. No escape. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

FB next time I call Arthur. I pay him to bash and dispose of the little stinky mouser. PU. But I am over it, having seen the Redon show today. WOW. It deserves a real post. Wondrous, apparational, ether-rich.

Martin, your interpretation is mucho-intense. I hope it's not the case. I haven't been away that long for him to have died of missing me. But you never know. Mice are very sensitive, like MM's. They may cry and die, they may.

And Slothy hi!!! The mouse be gone so no sculpture for it or Uncle F.

Happy New Year to every stinkin' body.

Most especially to you, Cab Driver. You are the light of my soul.

martin said...

If a mouse smells like a cow when it is dead, I wonder if a cow smells like a mouse? Is this a case of the BDD?

I'm looking forward to hearing about the Redon show. Has anyone seen the Merlin James show, or are you not interested? I might come up next week.

pd said...

i am glad someone got that reference--Heart.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Mountain Man said...

Dear PD, I was too thick with personal mouse associations that I no getty. Kudos to Heart. Heart is high quality.

Martin, I am interested in this animal BDD problem, the mouse-cow dialectic. How deep does the switching of stench go? And whose BDD problem would it be?

I have seen the Merlin James show and was happily impressed and surprised. It is a lovely painting show. Worth seeing definitely!! Self plug - shameless - if you are in town don't forget Hello Sunday at 67! Sorry. Had to.

sloth said...

Yes! Hello Sunday is the bomb-diddly!!!!!

martin said...

Yes, your show was already on my list. Also Merlin James, Ellen Altfest. What else?

Not sure if I can come up yet, though.

Mountain Man said...

Martin, I hope you can come up. Just because. There is Medrie MacPhee at Michael Steinberg. Her show opens Thursday. I am not sure what else. Byron Kim at Max Protech? Maybe interesting. Also the show at Leo Koenig. That's all I can think of right now. Home from NY's eve at 1:10 am. YEAH! Time for bed.

pdeelicious said...

WAKE UP MOUNTAIN MAN!!

head b. poundy said...

Happy poo smear!

Mountain Man said...

I keep trying to make a new post but blogger fouls and causes instant quitting. I re-try later. Miss you kidlings.

Lucky lucille said...

i miss you , MM

krixfort said...

Happy New Year MM!!! I wish you all the best in the coming year. no more mice.

Mountain Man said...

Hey Krix! Happy New Year to you too. I keep on keeping on trying to post but it doesn't worky. Oh well.

Meanwhile I am mouse-free so far in 2006. Right on.

krixfort said...

MM, is blogger still fouling you?

Mountain Man said...
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Mountain Man said...
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fairy butler said...

well thank god nothing was stolen and I assume the mini is ok healthwise? not pregnant and/or strung out,wiping out someone's bank account, credit card, etc etc etc??? i just don't get why the door was left open like that. just absentmindedness? huh?

wolf-man ceramicist said...

I am saddened by this trouble you have had to endure. I am at the wheel now, spinning a new wolf-man vase for your beloved Uncle.

pd said...

Wow, MM. That is something. You have pretty good peeps living in that bldg. Glad everything was okay. What about Timmy? Is this guy totally out of the picture--i hope.

Mountain Man said...

I know. We do have good peeps in the building. It's shocking that no delivery people went in. Wow. The guy is not out of the picture. Unfortunately. This is one topic on which the ex and I are not in synch. I say f him. She says the kid needs to learn her own relationship lessons, the guys is charming, he is off drugs. But I no trust. I have to call her now. I will have to delete these comments soon. Thanks for being on, my pals. I have missed you.

fairy butler said...
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Mountain Man said...
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mountain man said...
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fairy butler said...

icky icksters on the bed thing. gross-out maximus. the drug thing - not so bad if that is all it is. but just so irresponsible to get caught and kicked out of school over. hmm. The fb likes the mini very much so i hope she can figure out what to do with this dude.

pd said...

well, her bed is not in the shape of a my-little pony or anything--is it?
Good luck with the ex. This guy smells like trouble, even though there was no, ahem, oxy found.

pd said...

Icky on the bed thing--yes.

wolfman clay said...

This vase is more fantastical than the last one--I promise he will love it.

fairy butler said...

she probably wants to be 'cool' - have this awesome place she can bring these guys, but without your permission it's not cool. i hear you. if one extra guy (that you don't know - that maybe she doesn't know very well) gets crazy or steals or ODs or something. It's just not cool.

mountain man said...

Thank you Wolfman. Yes. Mini will find her way, I have no doubt. Mini is a great mini. But she is in a bad patch. A dumb patch. A dumb guy patch.

PD it was our bed and it's not shaped like that. Not pony style.

fairy butler said...

i am sorry mm.

i am looking forward to the redon post.

mountain man said...

Yes that is it, it was too small. Yes. Too darn small.

pd said...

I know it was your bed--I was just wonderin' what was wrong with her own. Maybe too small.

mountain man said...

Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate mucho.

pd said...

Just wish it was easier for you.

Maybe you answered this...but is little Timmy okay?

mountain man said...

Oh oh!! Timmy is ok. He was with us. Yowled the whole way home and spray peed the car door in the last 10 minutes of the trip!!!! Things are sure to get better soon, it's almost dark so you know that means it's almost time for a soothing cocktail. That reminds me, I should check the liquor cabinets....hmmmm.

sloth said...

MM, I missed the story, but maybe you can ketch me up at M.McP's opening tonight... or after. xxoo

AlsoArthur said...

Perhaps this mindless flash will sooth some pain in a burbling flow of pointless goofiness. It's 'The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny' and it's actually kinda fun :)

http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267

mountain man said...

Thanks Arthur! I want to be Chuck Norris's kick coming down from the sky. Yee haw.

mountain man said...

It's soothing.

mountain man said...

Sorry about the comment deletion for those who no understandy. I didn't feel right leaving it up, as it was tres tres upsetting and personal. I deletey at the hands of Hashem.