Saturday, December 17, 2005
This picture represents the truth which is forthcoming now and over the next few days. What I would like to start with is that I feel constrained by my very own blog, by the form I created in part for myself. Sometimes I hate the character I have invented for myself and no longer feel free to be you and me even though I still like Mountain Men. But listen. I am not a man. I am part girl, but with a severe case of BDD, as was mentioned in the last post, and therefore feel relief when thinking of myself as a man even though I am not one. I have distant early memories of myself as a three year old dancing on my bed under the lavendar top sheet like a ghost, swaying, arms out, with an invisible other, singing quietly "I'm a man, I'm a man," in a faux-blues melody, even though IN NO WAY did I act or feel like a man. Or even a boy. I am not really masculine so much, in all honesty. However, I would just wonder, what is it like, being a man?
So. That's all for now. I feel full and drunk from teat milk. I saw many friends this evening: Sloth, HFP, HP, Damian, FB, Arthur, Lupus...it was nice. We went to an opening of a group show I am in and also Uncle Fritz is in but he was out of town. Sadly. Uncle Fritz is named for his real life uncle who is actually a very unpleasant and horrible man. I have often wondered why he decided to pick this name for himself, in wondering it makes me love him more. Uncle Fritz is a good man and I miss him. Kudos to you UF. I am ready for curdled slumber, and tomorrow, it's time for the Swedish Calisthenic Squat method.