Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Midnight Visit



This fellow quietly entered my home in the night. He hovered over my bed and breathed into my nose with two straws, one for each nostril, until I woke up. Strangely, I felt a lack of alarm as his eyeholes peered into mine. This morning I have breath of fire, a raging breath of stink and heat. I have already singed the fur of Krakow in multiple places while attempting to feed her. I heard once that soft-boiled eggs were absorbent of mouth hell - my next move is to stuff my mouth full.

I hope the day holds many more bold moves in store.

59 comments:

Crotchgoblin said...

MM it was me in disguise. My actions were meant to gird you for today's efforts. You will battle the spinning scissors bot at high noon.

Spank Spank said...

Bend over for a punishment MM, it will lighten your step. You need a sore bum.

Juggler from the Woods said...

It feels very dead/alive outside today. The emergency handle may be pulled and the release of horns may sound. In spite of the shines. In spite of the freshness.

Anonymous said...

His bald head looks freshly spit-shined. Nice.

krixfort said...

Juggler in the woods, I am so happy that you have stopped by MM's blog. I was feeling the need for your presence.

fairy butler said...

i believe i seen his face before! carved into an old rotten log full of toads and mushrooms. hmmm....

Anonymous said...

Yes stuff your mouth full. A nice fun stuffing is just what the doctor ordered, and he is a very good doctor.

hammy said...

HI MM, this is serious business.I know what is inside the straws. it is sugar. Krakow should heal quickly.

Mountain Man said...

I never would have imagined that sugar straws could cause such a trashy smell. It is all resolved now, Ham. Now I have breath of ice.

Krix, I agree, it is comforting to hear from the Juggler. He knows much but says little.

mr. jangler said...

i have stolen some of the juggler's colored balls for my loin cloth. you may hear some thuds in the woods.

Pete said...

I hear thuds but they are not coming from the woods, they are coming from my upstairs neighbor. He is rotund.

Barbara Callen said...

I have never heard of this boiled egg cure. I am going to try it and report back.

Baby Denim said...

Hi! I can vouch for nothing except that I am a blue baby made of dungarees made of denim. I can cry and poo just like other babies but I am all fabric, stuffed with something soft.

Tomas said...

damn....... i recognize this guy... same thing happened to me a little while ago.... i sluffed it off to the jagermeister the night before. hmmmmm

hammy said...

sometimes his face looks troubled, but there is really a sweet core to him. Stuffing his mouth with cotton candy will teach him. also sugar straws in his drinking water.

Barney Hemstone said...

Hi everyone. I remain guilty of certain crimes against women. I can't stop my behaviors, they are humorous to me, but not to a court of law.

Personality Plus said...

Puffs of skinbags are occurring under my eyes, each morning they get larger. I put my sugarcubes in them and can sweeten any drink at any point in the day. Cube-shaped bags are better than saggy bags.

Mountain Man said...

Barney you should be twisted up in wires and forgotten for all times.

In the night my chest cavity became a cabinet for knick knacks. Many kinds of mugs with faces on them, many lamps with strange shapes for the bases, many bunnies. I have been street fighting all morning, knocking out with sharp jabs anyone who crosses my path (mainly this is the slugs).

Anonymous said...

Come back Baby Denim!!!!! I love you!!!!!

Mountain Man said...

I am having my neighbor throw basketballs at my head and face. I wish to endure this for the sake of faux-earnestness, which is so important to the discourse of today. I am thinking of nocturnes.

Baby Denim said...

Overnight I learned how to walk. My denim is a stretch denim, in case you wanted to know. It has an acid wash.

fairy butler said...

baby d.,

does your denim skin get stretch marks and grease staings? are there multiple pockets with zippers and cuffs?

fairy butler said...

is there an elastic waistband involved?

Baby Denim said...

Zippers, FB, many many zippers and no elastic. The stains are camouflaged by the acid wash appeal. Hooray for denim!!!!!

postmoderndebunker said...

Was there a "midnight confession" involved??

Wazzup??? I missed you so muchly.

Mountain Man said...

PD!!!!!!!!!!! You cannot imagine how much you were missed. You are an outstanding example of everything. Thank you for returning. I hope you had a wonderful time. Please share your adventure tales. I am looking forward to seeing your bridal track suit. I am constructing a hair suit to wear. We will be quite a striking pair come Veteran's Day.

Mountain Man said...

Yikes, that was the comment of short sentences. I was over-excited and could not think clearly. I am insane with excitement.

Chewed Up Baby said...

PD I am eating my hand in honor of your comeback.

Baby Denim said...

Hi PD!!!!

postmoderndebunker said...

Chewed up Baby!! Wazzzup? Hi Denim.

Yes, the track suit is coming along. I am working out the detailed network of stripes. I am hoping it'll fit!

postmoderndebunker said...

Thanks for the welcome MM. I feel so special...my tail is wagging.

ham paw said...

Hi everybody! Hi PD! Welcome back!

mountain man said...

Hi Ham, how is your tush today?

mountain man said...

I was going to say how is your anus but I didn't want to come on too strong. FYI.

Barbara Callen said...

I have piles. I am sitting in cooling mint breeze balm.

abomination said...

My tush is multitudinous, bumply, and swathed in pink stretchy nylon. I am wearing a denim sleeveless top from dress barn and have my hawk cane at the ready. My twin sis, whore horror, is bringing up the rear. Her main affliction is the elephant ankles, but she always wears a smile. like this - :)

fairy butler said...

Crotchgoblin, I am finding myself curious to learn of your ways, your favorite foods, celebrities, hidey holes, everything crotchy. please tell us more.

Crotchgoblin said...

Well this may not surprise you Fairy, but I am a large fan of cheese, especially Swiss and Gouda. I capitalize the cheeses to emphasize my excitement over them. I do not like celebrities. I like to be placed decoratively on low slung belts, covering the crotch area, hence my name. I am devoted to haunting and hiding private areas of men and women alike. I am perky and I like to read and take walks by the sea. I am perfumey, veiling the sometimes mal-odors of the crotch region. (Not to get gross, but Fairy, I am sure you were expecting some degree of graphic explanation or you wouldn't have asked). Crotches are for everyone!

mountain man said...

Abomination, perhaps you and your sister might enjoy a date with me (nude)?

mountain man said...

PD, this was a saucy invite on my part, not meant in any way to interfere with our impending nuptuals. Maybe you would like to come on this date, if Abomination and her lovely sounding sister will agree?

hammy said...

my tush is good! How is your tush, mctusherson aka mm. I hope there is a happy twitch to it!

postmoderndebunker said...

Hi Hammy!!!

Yes MM, I'm okay with your saucy invitations. I know we are destined to be together.

abomination said...

MM,

Speaking for both my sis whore horror and myself, we would be honored to promenade with you and enjoy a fine evenings night. But first I have to check with Papa Chico and Jesus Malavedra, the fathers of our childrens to make sure they can watch. You know, on second thought maybe you'd like to come hang out on the stoop with us and smoke some cracks. that might be more fun?

abomination said...

i can heat up some cans of bean over the old burning tire pit.

abomination said...

i will oil my behind for you mm, with beef tallow. please bring Krakow.

fairy butler said...

Thank you CG for indulging my curiosity. Another question: Do you resemble a small stone gargoyle with tiny legs or more of a smurf character? Or perhaps I am getting it all wrong. I do envision a perky afro. Please tell me I am correct here. kind of a pube afro.

fairy butler said...

Hi HP! How goes it at beige? Still nibbling away? I am more immune to the terror today and have successfully avoided the dark spiral. one day at a time.

Mountain Man said...

Well, Hams, my tush is tingly all over tonight. The bingo tingle is happening, as I believe you have called it in the past. Delight upon delight in the tush region!!!

And Abomination, I never ever felt as lucky as I do right now. A shiny beef tallow bum is what I want to perceive. We can do the bump and touch bingo tingles as the beans cook on the tires near the stoop. Life really gets no better than this.

PD, shine up those buttocks, my darling, it is time for a circle dance, ass towards the middle, in the way of the weasels. I am so happy to know you all.

Crotchgoblin said...

FB, I am all head, barely any legs. I have small wings instead of arms. There are teeny little hands on the ends of the wings, in case I need to pick up keys, pea pods, string cheese, red devils and other small items. I do have the kinky hair so that was a good guess on your part. I have nothing to do with the blue and white sock head smurf look. NO!!!!! Crotchgoblins have a brownish historical tinge to them. No primary colors. I am much more like a gargoyle. Later I will do a self photo shoot with mirrors and warm blemish-minimizing lights and I will post a picture. You will be more than satisfied, if I may be so bold.

I am just now magnetically pulled to the crotch of my neighbor so I must go shield her crotch from the onslaught of the night. Bye now!!!!!!

krixfort said...

crotchgoblin you sure are friendly for a goblin. my dealings with goblins have been somewhat hit and miss. Are you ever moody?

Crotchgoblin said...

No Krix, I am not moody, just manic. I am a dartabout. I have terrible pimples.

fairy butler said...

CG, you are welcome to roost in my pines anytime you like. I think if we hung out more togther we could surely become fast friends! I would like to put a do-rag on your curly hair though. if you come over. i hope that is ok.

fairy butler said...

we will get you a facial too CG, and maybe some of those biore strips.

abomination said...

mm, can we play actual bingo after the bump and touch fire dance of the beans? I am thinking you can rest your cards on my greased tallow bum while you await the numbers to be called out. Jesus says hi, by the way. He wants to meet you and try to sell you something. Whore horror is out with my cane tonight. She's feeling disco-licious.

abomination said...

i'm going to call her in in another half hour or so. she still has to nurse her seven and nine year olds. Papa Chico is drunk again and there are only pigeon peas in the cupboard.

Producer said...

Mountain Man come back to my blog please.

Anonymous said...

woah.

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