Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Bots



The rotation sensor devices are in correct alignment. The beige carpet provides pre-sanctuary before the bots come to smooth out the tangles and pick the pustular weedy nodules. Dig, pull and dump - these are the ways of the bots. The visitors have left, the landscape is tumbly with gunshots. I am off to collect more critters for taxidermy.

73 comments:

mountain man said...

I keep imagining that a large ogre with one eye and a chainsaw is coming to knock on my door. To defend myself I would call the small but wily orange newts to battle. Hopefully their large numbers would distract and eventually consume the ogre, disappearing him. Perfumey lozenges would be the leftover spoils. Throat-soothing lozenges.

Pretzel said...

I am in a tangle that is like a yoga tangle but also unlike a yoga tangle in that I cannot undo myself.

Doktor Wyrd said...

Hmmm. I believe I must prescribe an orthotic brace and pressure hose for both of you. Lumbar support and thrombus prevention is a priority in these fetid waxy times. Please visit an outfitter as soon as possible. Pretzel, you may need someone to wheel you in a wagon if you cannot ambulate on your own.

Kisses,

Dr. W

mountain man said...

Pretzel, I will come get you with my wheelbarrow. Sadly I have no wagon. But if you are small-ish, you ought to fit in the sunken area of the barrow. I will delight you with bird calls during our journey to the outfitter.

corn 'n callous said...

Hi!

krixfort said...

which bird calls do you know MM? Do you know the call of the raven or the song of the speckled hen?

mountain man said...

Krix, I am not familiar with the call of the raven. However, I am an Xpert at the call of the thunderbird as well as the whipoorwill. I am still learning. My calls are very much more gutteral than the real thing.

Anonymous said...

What is a thunderbird?

mountain man said...

The thunderbird is a notion from the heavens that soars broadly with wide wingspan. I don't really know what it looks like, I just hear its infernal bellowing all day and night. It may be a figment.

mountain man said...

I am collecting Mars Bars in my hope chest. This chest represents hope for the future. I felt that chocolate bars with a mysterious name could be the beacon of symbolic hope. The bars I would collect if I lived in England would have spicier names like:

Topic
Liaison
Tiger
Minstrels
Bounty

There are others but I cannot recall them now. I wish I was a British Mountain Man living on the rabid moors with unsheared sheep.

Anonymous said...

You need to calm down. You've had too much candy already today, I can tell.

mountain man said...

You may be right, anonymous. I will practice yoga, being careful not to alarm myself into a pretzel shape. Then I am off to the orthotic specialist.

Sammy No Hands said...

I can mime bird calls. They are the gestural calls of the wild.

mountain man said...

Sammy, I truly hope to meet you one day. Please help me not to stare at your stumps.

Sammy No Hands said...

I will provide my stumps with puppets for your entertainment. It will be mellow-dramatic.

bud said...

sammy, are your stumps poisonous?

bud said...

I am oiling my snakeskin belt.

Effluvia said...

I am chewable like the baby aspirin from days of yore. I help nothing yet I continue to hover.

mountain man said...

Chewable Effluvia can be hard on the stomach, from what I understand. I would like you to hover in spite of this.

sloth said...

MM, may I borrow your bots? There are tumbleweeds in Log that need herding. They are growing in size every day, and are taking on animate qualities. They are beginning to overwhelm Wandee and her implements of order.

mountain man said...

Yes my darling Slothers. Bots for you, bots for all. The bots are eager pickers, pokers and cleaners.

krixfort said...

slothy please send the bot army over when you are finished with them. I have an assignment for them. It is a secret.

sloth said...

10-4, oh Krix. They will be ready for action when they are done with Roomba duty.

moustache said...

I itch. Thunderbird, please scratch me with a sharp talon until I am bleeding from multiple lesions.

Thunderbird said...

Moustache I give you my sharpness to cut and cut. The multiple wounding, lightly scratching will be rejuvinating, like a surgery.

moustache said...

Thunderbird. Does this scratching stimulate hair growth? I would like to dangle ridiculously.

Thunderbird said...

The scratching is stimulato of the follicles. Yes! You will dangle and curl at your ends in no time. A long swooping elegant moustache.

Poodle Shuffler said...

May I have the bots after you, Krix? The poodles need continual shuffling. It is tiring work.

sloth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
moustache said...

How excellent, TB! I will need to fashion some kind of winding-apparatus, a kind of a reel, for auto safety. I don't want to pull an Isadora Duncan.

sloth said...

It's definitely important to shuffle the poodles. It keeps them off-balance and reduces the chances of a coup.

Thunderbird said...

Moustache, as for winding, perhaps you need the bots as well. Winding is easy for them, they have a secret stash of pinwheels.

Mountain Man said...

Sloth I adore you. You are calming, like a balmy breeze of the days of yes.

krixfort said...

poodle shuffler, you may certainly have the bots. They are for everyone!

Poodle Shuffler said...

Thank you Krix. In the meantime, do you require any poodle shufflement?

Anonymous said...

I am in love with the dark side of love.

Anonymous 2 said...

I am in love with the rough and tumble side of love.

sloth said...

MM, Slothy has heart-eyes for you, too.

Zilko said...

Hellow... . Nice to see ur blog :D

www.armandoz.blogspot.com

krixfort said...

Thanks for the offer poodle shuffler but alas, I have no poodles. You are sweet.

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Anonymous said...

Why does Ham Paw never write anything?

wala said...

eye am addicted to bots. they are my best friends. it is eye who cleans up after them because they undercharge themselves as they siphon potent liquids. eye am thinking of putting up a bot rehab center for their future.

Mountain Man said...

Anonymous, Ham Paw is on leave, shoo.

Monster Spank I am glad to hear of your intense bot-relationship. Any wisdom you can share would be of great interest to me. A rehab center is a timely idea - the bots are getting a workout in these last days.

fairy butler said...

have the bots hit bottom yet? (this one is for pd)

fairy butler said...

schnarf schnarf schnarfs is all i can say today. SCHNARF

Thunder cat said...

schnarf schnarf!!!!

creamy ass candy said...

I only want to rub an open FACED LASAGNA SANDWICH BETWEEN MY THIGH'S

Lion O said...

yes schnarf, very much so

krixfort said...

hiya MM you sexy beast!

have you bound and waxed any hussies lately?

mountain man said...

Hi Krix! I have 2 hussies bound and suspended from the rafters in my shed. They will not stop thanking me. The waxing has not happened yet but is on my list for tonight. Until then, may the blood rush to their hussy heads. I am in heart with these ragged girls. I may teach them to speak the Schoonmaker.

gord said...

ohhhhh the schoonmaker is a double tipped tongue talk! that could backfire

mountain man said...

Gord...is that short for Gordon?

gord said...

unfortunately I was named after my deformity

mountain man said...

oh dear gord, are you possibly related to clefty of cleft ear fame? please describe your deformity.

Seventh Grader said...

Oh my god! Like I am so mad. I am ignoring you now.

krixfort said...

seventh grader, isn't it past your bedtime?

Niddeleker said...

Gnarly snarleys are crawling up my calves. I shaved my calves this morning. I am dancing and drooling, so happy and fiddlesticky.

Embarrassing Dampness said...

7th grader, you must take a nap permanently.

Dimpleforth said...

Hi and sorry to the one who knows about it.

hatori hanzo san said...

おはようのmountaian 人

francesca said...

uomo della montagna di buona mattina

dutch banger said...

de goede mens van de ochtendberg

goblin said...

My international posse and I would like to wish you "good morning Mountain man!"

follow your blitz said...

I'm opening up a bottle of tequila MM. Want some?

Mountain Man said...

Good morning goblin and international children of time in the universe! I am drinking potions already, as is my way. I am communing with the delightful visitors, we are making a trek into the woods to caarve old man faces in every tree. It could take a very long time. Drunk, we will think we are working faster.

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krixfort said...

hey MM, what kind of critters have you collected for taxidermy?

any hoot-owls, or razorbacks?

postmoderndebunker said...

wazzup mm? I miss you so...and count the days til our nupts.

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