Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Foggy Froggy Morning

Mountainous regions in the stomach and head have matching terrain, like twin countries with tropical storms and political strife. I am getting some of my hairs cut today to prepare it for Wandee's treatments. I am interested in her and desirous to hire her for neatness alignment both on the skin and off.

May the nits, listers and sirs get bashed. The nits and gnats are still here, I had to wake up early and clean their mess, close all cupboards, muffle all noise, wipe away all gooey residue.

I am going to wear a girdle today, to clamp in my gut and receive much needed support in the lumbar region. I am wearing a loose button down with a gaudy print splashed over it so as not to draw attention to my use of ladies' undergarments. Normally I would not hide such a thing, but today, I feel sheepish and threatened before I have even left the apartment, so extra fortification is needed.

I noticed my shoes have foul-smelling jelly gel pudding puddles on them from the battle. I am happy and sad at the same time.

47 comments:

mountain man said...

My arms have started twirling early today. The chop motion is instituted without cause. I am protective of myself and hurt by the world. Angry and alienated today. The day will progress towards improvement, I am sure, but there is a dull sadness now. MM's relics and trinkets feel lonely and dwindle in the silence that surrounds them. He is measuring himself and comes up short, in spite of his extreme height. The frogs are in the ears.

Sylphic Hatch said...

MM you are blessed with the salts of the unit. The nits are not poison for you, as you know. Keep clear, eliminate strife through violent limb movements, but be careful to remain in proper alignment. The girdle is a good idea. Create a cause for sweat and replenish yourself with colored or fizzy waters. Focus on the swarms, make them your allies.

hammy said...

Goodmorning, dear MM. Do not despair. Equilibrium is on it's way. your teeth are shining and repel the dark forces. The intestinal barrier reef is expelled. Gooey shoes will be cleansed by a pure spirit. Alignment is close at hand.

My barrier reef is intact and painful. There is churning. May the lord zog smite my stomach. Also ailments in the frontal cortext and left dorsal fin. My mental shell is waning. I pray for an end.

child of zogg said...

the listers and nits have hidden themselves. Bless be.

fairy butler said...

please heed the advice of sylphic hatch and ham paw - most wise. The spontaneous chopping movement is an interesting development MM. I hope it does not tire you out terribly, but the visual splendor is most keen.

i have noticed a foul smell emanating from the shoes, but it is invisible. no jelly to be seen.

there is much thinking to be done today.

sloth said...

MM, the battle has left you wistful, so it is also with Sloth, postpartumy. postpartummy.

Wandee Love said...

Wandee has a special recipe for those ear-frogs, Mr. Man. I'll just drop by with my fuzzy pink ear-router and we'll have some tasty froggie legs. mmm-mmm!

krixfort said...

MM I am a little forlorn as well after the post battle celebration. The sirs will rear their ugly heads again I know. I am trying to gather strength for the next battle.

The hooker is running wild today, talking nonsense. I am going to dig a tiger pit with spikes at the bottom and lure her toward it with offers of free cocaine and a promotion.

ham paw said...

The nits' droppings are nefarious. yes. The nit is lovely in it's flying grace. this differenciation is understood. My thoughts are with you, MM.

Sgt.Sheridan said...

Dearest Mountain Man,
I send this dispatch with caution.
It appears my captors have vacated, just up and left without warning and fled the compound. I am presently back in the Mess checking provisions. It seems they did not care for the corn and pepper tamales I made last week. Good news for me. Their meager rations of water and gruel have left me famished and a bit on the wan side of stocky.
The commissary and barracks are all intact, but strangely the wagon yards are different somehow. Noiseless. As if some sort of gooey battles have been fought, then quickly disinfected and sterilized. The soil glistens an unnatural glisten and the scent is too hygienic. I am not quite sure these are even the same yards. And the sound....

ham paw said...

bless be sgt. May the captors flee for long. may they return as awakened from dream of foulness and skin shedding. The noiselessness must be savored, and may MM gird himself for future battle. Rest my boy and prepare your armor. You are strong and your hairs shiny.

sloth said...

Be careful, Sgt. Sheridan. You don't know why they left. There may be danger coming. Sloth suggests to dig a hole in the shiny soil for hiding purposes if necessary.

Sushi Blameful said...

No dig Sheridan. No hole. Soil many bad luck, no dirty. Clean soil actually repel sun. Hide missing.

McFarland said...

Hey Dudes. What are all of you getting all worked up about? Mountain Man--you seem to be getting wimpy, what gives? What's with all the frog stuff. Are you French?

Candace Bushsmells said...

I think this blog is more interesting when sex is involved. Isn't that all we really care about anyway in this country. We all should be having more sex.

mountain man said...

McFarland, MM does not feel wimpy and asks you to shut your gaping piehole or he will punish your head and neck. Sheridan you sound disoriented. I look for you to solidify through hydration and pulmonary fluidity through stretching routines. The rations are sure to replenish themselves.

mountain man said...

Sheridan sounds like a fun person. I wonder if he will join our anti-sir stratagem?

fairy butler said...

McFarland, you have been skipping some of the assigned readings. I am onto you.

krixfort said...

I'll bet if Sloth and Sheriden collaborated, they could come up with a major strategic offensive for the sir skirmish.

mountain man said...

Yes Krix, I have high hopes for this Sheridan. I am tuned in to his station, if you will. I picture him in a structured leader's uniform that is dark blue and has leather straps going this way and that. He is in possession of many of the badges of honor. He can wiggle out of the tightest of scrapes and subsist on nothing but wild grasses for weeks.

Sylphic Hatch said...

Sheridan is wily and resourceful, I am certain. The yards are always changing. Sometimes the yards contain meats, other times they are vegetarian zones with assorted playground items. The plus side to changeling yards is never to know what to expect and always to polish the brain wave wits in relation. The wits stay focused on accomplishment of certain goals, no matter what the content of the yards.

I am excited to witness more battles of the nits, the listers, and the sirs. There are other enemies coming our way as well. I believe the chumps have won their round for now and the foulers are high on the list for next time.

McFarland said...

Yeah, I've been slacking off with the readings--expecially the gender-bender MIDDLESEX. Weird. I'll get back to it soon.

Sorry to offend MM. I look to you for sound words, and I wasn't sounding out what you were saying.

candy said...

The nits have defeated the sirs it seems, but there is an upswing with the chumps. Oh wait!! the nits are swarming the chumps. the chumps are retreating. The sirs and listers are together a united army, but the nits have swarm power and more soldiers. The listers are moving forward again with new group shows, but wait... the nits have just shed their sweaters!!

mystic pizza said...

I know about the fogs you speak of. So loud and haunting. I am afraid of the toads too.

kitten #1 said...

I have magnetic powers to absorb nits in my coat.

PD said...

Hey there MM. What you want me to do about these listers?? I am onto them as they exist on my block too. The long-listers are the worst. The 2-page CVers who feel the need to type triple-space in order to squeeze out 5 pagers.
The bibliography that includes their name listed in a scientific study on warts that was published in a medical journal. Wha? What's with these chumps?

mountain man said...

It is so confusey for MM to keep up with the battle alignments. Here and there they move and gain ground. Sometimes it is nice to go mole-like underground and wait for clear cover, passively, burrowing inward to the dealings beneath the skin.

Carol Dull said...

I was mentioned in the New York Times for having the itsy-bitsiest apartment in Brooklyn...so I put that in my bibliography!

mountain man said...

The listers are not to be feared, they cannot and will not ever win. Remember that beyond the interminable mentioning of accomplishments, both upcoming and past, is a sad and brain-dead, insecure wraith made of gelatin that you may squish with your fingertips. The thing about the listers is that you can walk away, or better, pretend you don't see them. The sirs and the nits are another story. They don't respond to ignorance or bashing.

percy said...

Beneath the skin is the coating of lotion the nits have sullied. We are nowhere safe, MM.

Ned said...

No the sirs do not take kindly to bashing. And the nits, they are so small, that to bash is to merely cause temporary disassembly. Very confusing indeed.

mountain man said...

We are safe in the bat caves beneath the slabs, beneath the yards. We are safe in numbers, in dastardly uniform.

Barney said...

I wish there was a television show of you guys, like the Superfriends.

candy said...

The nits reassemble when bashed. They have an outstanding wish to live. They are repeat offendors and are indignant and peristent.

kitten #2 said...

We all must hide. That is the only answer. I must burrow in my litter box

mountain man said...

I am drinking rye from my boot. It tastes off.

krixfort said...

if you were a super hero MM, would you wear a cape?

Stacey said...

I am weary of fisters, not listers.

Vineyardia said...

I am a superhero on the cape. I rescue people from bad lobster and terrible air shuttle service.

mountain man said...

My hair would be my cape Krix, it would get into position and allow me to take off.

ham paw said...

My sensuality is experienced retroactively through others' experience. This is temporarily unsatisfying.

mountain man said...

Ham, remember the oracle of the hand job. Maybe someone can help you achieve this.

Jodi said...

HP I am willing to help enhance your sensuality through cosmic dancing. I have items with feathers on them.

ham paw said...

I am searching for a practicioner. This occupied yesterday. today I succumb to strife as I let it pass through my mind. I am emptying twice.

ham paw said...

jodi. Tell me about yourself and your sanitary concepts.

jodi said...

i am the truest kind of clean, i carry sandpaper dipped in antibacterial spray and rub it all over myself all day. i am very white. very very pale.

mountain man said...

You sound lovely jodi. I am tired again. MM has the sheepish grunts about his mouth.