Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Caterpillars

There are dangerous clumps of poisonous caterpillars winding their way up the walls of my home, winding their mindless way up my legs, with the intention of leaving bright green toxic goo behind that burns and singes. Their intention is total takeover, total consumption. I am lacking in forthrightness and gumption and cannot curb the profusion at this time. I am waiting for my mother to come rescue me for I haven't the time or the power. Please come mother.

82 comments:

Mother said...

I am not coming to rescue you MM. You do not deserve it. Please also pay me back the money that you owe.

Bleet said...

That sounds awfully tiring. I am glad I am in a meat freezer with no possibility of buggers.

fairy butler's butler said...

Collect the goo mountain man! It is like the tofu of magixx with its ability to absorb different spells, wants, desires, hexes, and curses. Divide it up under the light of the full moon into an ice cube tray and "season" each cube as you see fit. You must peform the hexes while crouching on a mushroom cap and and seal the deal with a sip of dandy dew.

sharday said...

have you tried asking the 'pillars to leave? Talking to them? Jeeese!

Wandee Love said...

I'll be right over to give you a scrub-down. I have a wire brush and secret-recipe cleaning agent for you, Mourntain Man. The treatment is painful, but it's the only way.

mountain man said...

How can I talk to the caterpillars when the caterpillars won't talk to me? Thank you Wandee, I will be most in need of agents. Meanwhile the troll family from across the stream is snarling with flared nostrils and malness. They fright me and want to crisp me on their greasy open spit. I will not stand for it. The ambient scum molecules are large and they get in the trolls' way.

goblin said...

is my friend Troll across the way? We haven't talked in awhile. I miss.

mountain man said...

Troll is nicer that Troll family. Troll lives in the tool shed, not the same as MM's shed of corporeal punishment, but the real and honest to puddin' head tool shed. This is where I keep my silverware and post-its.

Troll I know loves Gobby very very uniquely. Very very deeply. He waits for Gobby. He salivates. He likes to play with worms until he has a mate with which to play the true board games. He would like to play Operation next.

Fish Face said...

Operation is a friendly game. Until all that red buzzing starts. Then I get the cramps in the legs.

sharday said...

you do not talk to the 'pillar using your voice. expand your mind MM. Jeeese!

Sushi Blameful said...

Caterpillars no talk back, no need. More crawly they. Many lucks in consumption, much sun in gooey change, like sea change only stickier and sweet.
Blame mother, greet bugs.

sharday's publicist said...

yes exapand mind and evacuate inside. Empty and open good...

krixfort said...

fish face I couldn't agree more. Operation is too much for my constitution. My nerves are fragile.

goblin said...

I like worms and catepillars.

I will play operation anyday. I would like it if we pulled worms and catepillars out of the little operation man instead of plastic bones.

Gnip Gnop said...

Better yet, let's reverse the game and stick things in the little Operation person. Then he will really buzz.

Fish Face said...

Sharday's publicist sounds strangely like Sushi Blameful. Many curious. If Operation buzzy buzz could be muted then me would play with squishy bugs.

Sharday are you a type of oil?

mountain man said...

Why don't you stick the things on me. That would be a buzzy game without the buzz. Please poke me with plastic nozzles on the skin. Don't go into any orifices though. That is too much.

mountain man said...

I am waiting for my delivery of Fish Faces, Fish Face. Where the hell are you?

Dangerous Quietude said...

Gnip Gnop is a great name. But what does it indicate about your ways?

Gnip Gnop said...

Slammin' balls through holes. Haven't you ever played?

sharday's publicist said...

Sorry, I have no real personality of my own. That is why I promote other people's work. I am much like an art dealer.

krixfort said...

MM do you have a preference of things which you would like to be stuck with?

gothra said...

I think you should stick with the worms MM. It's baleful.

mountain man said...

I should like to be stuck with plastic implements such as nozzles, forks, buttons, and plastic legs. Maybe plastic lips. I am in an alien mood today that prevents sense. Sorry Krixers.

Anonymous said...

Plastic is so artificial. How about more organic substances? Minerals, and all their vitreousness.

mountain man said...

you can't make me not like plastic. it conforms to me, is all. i do like minerals and vegetals too, but plastic fulfills my longings in so many ways. please do not judge me.

i do not mind vegetal-sticks at all.

Transmogrifier said...

I agree with anonymous, plastic is very masquerading. If you want to really be you, you must use more organic ways to heal yourself and prick yourself. Think of the timelessness of the rabbit foot.

PD said...

Hi. I feel I have severe ADD today and cannot jump in this conversation with my normal flair. Also, the cleaning lady is around...causing me much distress.

But I will say that I once put a fat caterpillar on a tree, only to find a cocoon there the next day. I watched it for awhile until a butterfly flew out many weeks later.

Awwww.

Virus said...

I feel sick, like my life is passing me by. It is not a healthy state to be in and I am sure everyone hates me.

mountain man said...

PD that is cute. I happen to have a weird feeling about me today. I feel numb and tucked away for no reason. I am interested in clumps but I fear the caterpillars, I fear the cocoon and I am simply sure that no butterflies will emerge, instead there will be moths. Grody.

krixfort said...

MM you can stick anything you like, plastic, non-plastic, wax lips and mustaches, rabbit's feet, earwigs, what have you.

Gothra likes worms is all. She is very morose. I am going to slap her.

flutterby said...

do not fear the cocoon. It is not a crypt. eventually you will break free.

nardlet said...

I have a task today. It is to change the smiles on 100 men into frowns. I'm not kidding. They must look distressed because they have to pee desperately.

nardlet said...

I guess I should have said: they desperately have to pee.

They have urinary problems.

sharday's publicist said...

Tomorrow is another day, Mountain Man. Numb and tuck, 'taint no problem.

dealer of badness said...

i hear the suicide bell ringing tolling again for the Fairy B. It is covered in tiny plastic moths and sings out in a high pitched frequency.

fairy butler said...

Nardlet, I too have to pee. but I do not feel like leaving my pen. Okay, now I will leave.

fairy butler said...

Dealer of Badness, go away! Silence the bell.

nardlet said...

how is the new pen working out, FB? Is there privacy?

PD said...

Well, I feel moth-like today too. I am not doing my work. My head is heavy and I am anxiously awaiting home with tasty treats and A.C.

nardlet said...

The AC it too high here; my fingers are turning blue.

PDc said...

I wanna drink some Hi-C in the A.C. while doing some PCP and watching the O.C.

fairy butler said...

PD, Your cleaning lady story was hilarious. Many silent snorts.

Nards, I am getting accustomed to the new pen ok. it is very isolation-like which is good and bad.

I just spoke to the wizard on the phone. I want to go home and hide. I feel like i am being blamed for lack of sales. unspoken, but curious. it makes me feel bad.

fairy butler said...

i am putting on the lavender velour sweats and strapping on the fanny pack.

PD said...

I saw many red dots near your relics FB. Tell the wizard HE is the salesman...not you. He shouldn't mess with the talent.

Our cleaning lady shut down our internet for an hour with her vacuuming maneuvers.

fairy butler said...

I know. I must ride out the wizard's storm. I must keep away and remember the big picture. IT is hard to remember the big picture.

PD said...

If he only had a brain... he could sell all your relics and dance the funkadelic...if he only had a brain....
(wizard of oz song, ahem)

krixfort said...

PD is right. The wizard's control over the ability to bring your relics to the world sucks. Are there plots that can be hatched to circumvent the wizards powers?

in geek land we like to say "work-around." does one exist?

krixfort said...

is this the universal badness? How not to have to bow to the wizards of this land?

it's time to go underground.

fairy butler said...

the work-around is patience. first I must be paid and the relics returned. then perhaps freedom from temple. it is possible, but cannot be too hasty. maybe there will be a positive spin in the upcoming days.

I need to party beneath the slabs. sorry to be so self-absorbed.

hamster said...

There is suffering from eye strain, meaning job dissatisfaction. FB, the wizard knows not what he speaks of. There were many dots. Why not enough for him?

fairy butler said...

he is greedy for the dots. insane too maybe. not realistic. i am taking some things away on friday. this makes me glad although they are big and I will need to store them. poops.

PD said...

Hang tight FB. But don't let him take advantage. We may have to Jellify him. Let us know if and when...

scarecrow said...

I am hanging out at the temple too much--sorry.

krixfort said...

flails R us.

sloth said...

I love that store.

krixfort said...

I love you sloth! I love everybody!

(What the h is happening to me. Someone slipped me a mickey I think.)

sloth said...

Krix, you are dancing the bull-dance, which is a summertime practice. The flail-dance is even more fun!

floralady said...

mountain man, this is what you get for not taking your vitamins and calcium. your metabolic deficiencies make you attractive to catepillars and blog lurkers alike. if your mother doesn't rescue you, maybe your grandmother would. she is talking and thinking better today and asks about you.

mountain man said...

Thank you floralady, many many thanks from beyond the ether. I am glad for your news, very relieved in fact, as my grandmother is alive in the spiders, in the webs, in the woods, where it is teeming. I will need to pay a visit.

ham paw said...

The ham's cornea is exploding.

Anonymous said...

MM, you must take the gravy pills. They will help...I am sure of it.

sloth said...

hammy-spam, does this mean you have a conea-corona?

sloth said...

... sorry, that was corny. OH! sorry again...

mountain man said...

Hi and hi. Plagues are fun.

mountain man said...

MM's grandmother is in the hospital but is feeling better a little. MM misses her, she is unique.

Fish Face said...

She loves you, MM, don't worry. She is proud of your strangeness. You should call her to commune.

Ernie said...

It is fine to want plastic.

Luna said...

That is wrong, MM. How can he call you those names and yet still owe you so much? You have never done anything to him. I hope you get what you deserve from him and then he gets run over.

sloth said...

mm, that amount of coins literally make Sloth's breath retract quickly. Foul, foul fouler! Sloth smites! You are smote!

mountain man said...

Thank you Sloth. Smote is my favorite my very favorite verb. Uncle Fritz is watching Three's Company which is very soothing to hear. I must gain the strength necessary to tell the rotund one to just simply fuck off. I have been rehearsing. You are too frustrating to work with, I will say, you are not reliable, and you owe me too much money. I wil lbe strong and focused and he will shrivel. Then magically I will get my coins. YES.

sloth said...

Perhaps it is time to rally the attourneys.

mountain man said...

It is almost exactly that time. There is just one dreaded interaction I must have with him myself. Rehearsing it over and over, I am thinking I can do it. Thank you Slothy. You are a Sloth-thinking, adroit voice of reason from the log. I hope lovely frogs surround you and peep late into the night, a hypnotic group rousing peep that enables sleep.

Luna said...

I love Sloth.

Luna said...

Night night MM.

Sushi Blameful said...

Much sun in moon. Very lucky making. Many frogs sing good morrow.

sloth said...

Yes, MM, Sloth will sleep the sleep of the Peeps, and hopes the same for the M-to-the-M. The rotund one will resist you with inane rationalizations and whining, but MM, the rotund one is weak, and you, MM, are strong. Partly through the power of your hair-cape, and partly through the white-hot pureness of your righteous cause, which is the love you put into your relics. Good luck, MM. All the bloggers will be there with you in spirit.

sloth said...

luna, you shine. 'night, luna.

sloth said...

sushi blameful, Sloth confesses a crush on you. 'night, SB.

Sushi Blameful said...

Many appreciated Sloth. Your mystery keeps me thoughtful. Much good luck night.

krixfort said...

it is much too late for me to put my word in on this matter but I will do so anyway.

MM I will slay the rotund one if that is what is called for. I jest not. give me an excuse. I swear it. he owes you. I will collect.

kisses,
xoxxxooo
krixfort

mountain man said...

Thank you dearly Sushi, Sloth and Krixers. You are so much appreciated!