Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Baron Harkonnen

.

I need to own this. Look how his feet are bare and his toenails painted nicely black. I would like to acquire several of these and line them up in a row behind my bed. Sometimes I feel like him - large and bulbous, disease-ridden, pock-marked, a fright in the night, a chunk of balloon-viscera that hovers above. Heavy and weightless at the same time, very nice. I heart you Baron, even though you are a meanie.

78 comments:

Preparation M said...

Where are the diseases on his face?

mountain man said...

I know, the bumps should be pinker.

Horst said...

I am as wide as this. I am less bumpy and cannot float. He is lucky.

fairy butler said...

perhaps this is a young version of baron H. Accumulations of Barons underfoot is promising thinking MM. I wonder if they have a doll for the bene gesserit baby witch? I can't remember her name but I heart her.

mountain man said...

You mean Alia? Paul's little sister? I loved her voice in the movie, they dubbed it right? Alia was an abomination but I hearted her too. The original Dune is my favorite movie ever.

fairy butler said...

Yes, Alia. I want to embody her. I want to have the deep-voice command power and wear that outfit too.

mountain man said...

You will have to shave a portion of your head, won't you? This could be a beauty of a look, very versatile for switching gears into gym teacher mode. It all hooks up somehow.

fairy butler said...

I think I need to purchase the Dune (David Lynch) DVD today. I am also buying some garden gnomes.

fairy butler said...

maybe for the gym teacher look I can get a bangs hair-dickey to fill in the look, but it is okay if there are bare patches showing.

mountain man said...

Garden gnomes are lovely creatures of the enchanted woods. And Dune is something I would like to purchase and study as well. May I recommend an assortment of enchanted woods-animals for your garden? Yes to bunnies and deer, frogs and large mushrooms. (I am aware that mushrooms are not animals).

mountain man said...

FB, a bangs hair-dickey. You are a visionary.

fairy butler said...

You may need to purchase some creatures too MM. The spotted ceramic red and white mushrooms are very cute for plant decorations.

fairy butler said...

horst, I bet you would float in a wishing well.

mountain man said...

Uncle Fritz and I inherited many magical creatures from his grandmother. They are very soothing. My next outdoor project is to paint pets on rocks. I have a book that tells you how to do this, how to squish all the friendly details in.

Horst said...

Thank you for paying me notice, FB, I am touched. I would have to remove the iron weights from my pockets in order to float in a wishing well. I may be too rotund to fit in. Thank you for your high estimation of my ability.

krixfort said...

are you really buying garden gnomes FB? I secretly love them. don't tell anyone.

fairy butler said...

i am buying garden gnomes for my cube wall, but as I peruse the many varities on ebay I may need my own personal stash. Let it be know, however, that I abhore the travelocity gnome almost like my hate for alan alda and robin williams.

fairy butler said...

Horst, I bet if I removed all the weights (I will look in the skin folds too) and greased you up you would float like a lovely lotus flower in a well.

PD said...

Robin Williams...UGH! I must deli-slice him.
Gnomes are special.

quagmire said...

i know this man!

Edward_ said...

Is that his belly poking through the front?

pd said...

the saddest clown in the world

sloth said...

It would be fun to jump up and down on him like a big bed.

sloth said...

Do you think there is jelly inside, or meats for the deli-slicer? He could feed the starving nations.

fairy butler said...

hi sloth! I too wonder if there is jelly inside like the incredible hulk doll /stretch armstrong green guy?

sloth said...

Yes FB! That stuff was cool. It was a physics-defying material, like Flubber.

sweat pants said...

my thighs are full of flubber

krixfort said...

FB, I think you need a lawn jockey for your cube. They're all the rage.

sloth said...

This gentleman is clearly of the wealthy class. He would require attendants to dress him, truss him, and perform the pedicure.

gothic archie said...

i would love to know what shade of black his servants paint his toenails

PD said...

Hey....I am the real PD!! And I'm the saddest clown in the.....

ham paw said...

Spiritually I am the baron. Surrounded by tissues, leaking and coughing. This is the flu? I fear I will lose my cube. Paranoia is the twin to the flu. They will notice my dispensibility and throw me out the 48th floor when I go back. The baron and I are making love and producing piles of kleenex babies.

Sir #3 said...

dammit, why is this place falling apart all of a sudden? Something's missing...

Sir#6 said...

Where is Ham Paw? I asked him for those reports two days ago!

pug said...

Today is my chance to report to the boss Ham Paw's internet activities and hour padding.

pd said...

Pdiddy is also the saddest clown

Anonymous said...

mmmmmm.... kleenex babies.

fairy butler said...

HP, I am going to view your relics again today. I am waiting for the all-clear so I can depart the beige. I hope you feel better soon!

mountain man said...

I have now painted my toes black too in honor of the Baron. HP, I hope you are starving your Kleenex babies. They ought not to live. Please get well.

PD said...

HP: have you at least spread it to all 50 floors?
Feel better and stay away from pizza.

mountain man said...

I heart pizza PD. I want some. I am eating my chair instead.

ham paw said...

The kleenex are starving and I am producing less and less as the day passes. GOOD!
Now the Baron wants to recycle the Kleenex on his anus. This worries the ham.

PD, have you caught the criminal? Send him over to the angry tower tomorrow and I'll infect him when I breath into the air vents.

mountain man said...

Ham Paw, are you part deity in the Greek way? Are you the God of Kleenex and Anus? I think you are. I bow down before you. You are anointful. You are a mystic of the inclement weathers.

sloth said...

Hammy, recycling is beneficial; the Baron is a green baron, after all. Sloth is happy that your fluids are finally staying inside the Ham, where they belong. It makes such a nice relieved feeling to get over a cold.

sloth said...

Here is a question: is the baron Finnish? Harkonnen is a Finny name.

mountain man said...

Sloth I was wondering that myself. It must be derived from a Finnish word, the Finns like K's. The Finns are a dangerous people, they kill many in their haunted woods. They are to be trusted though, the have fortitude to share, unlike the Dutch who are harmful in every way.

Dutch Alien said...

Something horrible is about to befall you, MM, for slandering the Dutch as you do. Your face will be rubbed in doggy poopoo and you will be forced to watch as other people attain their dreams and wants while you never do. I, for one, will be besotted with a piney sort of laugh-smell. F-you.

ham paw said...

MM, How did you know? I was deified in my wanderings. This is true. The anus must be probed as mine was last week by a cloaked man and a watchful nurse. There were no improprieties, only the ways of god and the animal universe. I was chastened for laxative abuse. Now I chasten you all to recycle your tissues and tend to your parts.

PD said...

No...the criminal is still at large...as they say.

So do you own stock in Kleenex or what? Can kleenex alone handle the after effects of the laxatives??

ham paw said...

My part is still humiliated by the molest. This probing was the flu's entryway. The timeline affirms this.

mandy potsky said...

I have kleenex stuck in my anus. it has been there so long. it hurts and i have been so constipated.

Baroness H. said...

The Baron is Finished! Finished I tell you!

Stigma said...

Mandy you sound vile. You are broken and forlorn.

ham paw said...

Mandy, i share in your predicament. you may need a stool and tissue softener for your part.

Stigma said...

Perhaps your parts should be removed. You are twins in the brown-out.

STIGMADEATHMOBILE said...

Stigma. you are foul and useless. What is there if not parts and portions. Open conversation and relaxation of social norms.

Anonymous said...

DIE STIGMA. YOur torture is unwarranted. BEAT IT

Stigma said...

Mandy, HP, your anuses sound troublesome and gross. Why not remove them?

mountain man said...

Stigma, obviously the anus is a very sensitive issue for HP and Mandy, quite literally. Please be kind like a soothing lotion. Or there may be a shriveling.

PD said...

HP, do not go near Mandy--you may catch something. You must slip into a thin plastic coat of goo to shield you.

Stigma said...

Do anuses look like raisins when they shrivel? I hardly think my comments qualify as torture. That is an exaggeration.

Anonymous said...

hey stigma...you can't remove the anus, as it is actually negative space--you dig?

mountain man said...

PD is right. Mandy seems toxic. Please become the Ham Paw in the bubble and protect yourself from all stimulants, laxatives, and germs. You are chosen to suffer. You must submit to the stages.

Stigma said...

The anus is the valve if you will. The empty space is the space in the middle from where the brown out emerges. You dig? Are you stupid or something?

Moist Valve said...

I do not want to be ever confused with an anus. I am a different kind of pressure center, I regulate the earthy sanctuary of bliss in the roaming midriff.

mountain man said...

Stigma are you on someone's eye?

Mandy said...

I tried to get my anus removed, er, or the valve, and the doctor said absolutely not. He said it would put an end to my sex life if I did that.

Mandy said...

Stigma, uh, are you on some holy guys palms?

Anonymous said...

That would be the stigmata, idiot!

Stigma said...

Mandy do you enjoy the sodomy of bears? I am on both the palm and the eye. I am like a wart but weepier.

mountain man said...

This is confusing. Stigma, I believe you are merely on a chair or a bed, not someone else's body part. As for Mandy, I cannot believe she takes it in the tush. Would you ever want to come over and learn Beth how to be so charmful?

mountain man said...

She is too protective of her valve, Beth. She needs to learn how to share it with others who request entry.

Soosie said...

Mandy, you and I have a lot in common. I am hung up and strung up. I am zooming in on pains that prevent normal movements. I am considering suicide at this very moment.

Niddeleker said...

I have not come around in a while. What is all of this fiddling coming to? It is like weeds. Please do not sword fight in the wild grasses, please bend over and stay firm for the incoming zoom.

ugly said...

i wish i was someone else.

Anonymous said...

I agree ugly, I feel the same way.

wala said...

a chickenhead is what he needs so the baron can go to kfc, extra crispy.

Falconmyst said...

I loved DUNE, awesome story telling!