Thursday, May 05, 2005

So Many Things For Sale

I have decided to sell my bars of chocolate, 12 at $1 each. You may buy up to 3 per person. (So as not to get too charged up on chocolate). I am also selling my old shoes for 15 cents, in case anyone has a smelly shoe fetish. I am selling my cat, Herbert, for $5,000, because that is how much he is worth to me. I am also going to sell my fingernail clippings (Ham Paw, you in particular may be interested in these) for $9.99 a pound.

Any takers?

35 comments:

mountain man said...

If the sale goes well, I may be releasing more items later. I am thinking possibly my set of twin owls, these are wide-eyed and lovely and I would part with them for $28.92.

lion king said...

If you are the piece of shit who yapped at the po po about my tiger, watch your back. Maybe you think its funny to sell a cat, but it's not.

mountain man said...

Listen Lion King I was not at the Po Po. The Po Po is a place I would never go. Get back in your shitty cage, pestilence. I will grab you by your neck and shove you if you come near me again. Faker.

mountain man said...

The Po Po don't come near me neither.

Bleet said...

I am eating kittens in honor of what you hate Lion King. I know you are a friend of the animals, and normally so am I, but my friend Helene called me and we have decided to chew baby kitties raw and crunch their slightly chewy bones. We are eating them with toast points and the finest brandy.

Helene said...

Yes, Lion King, if you are not careful you may be served up raw on toast too with your head still attached and complaining.

lion king said...

Now I know it was you. What are you going to do, call about the alligator. Yous eyes are not safe.

lion king said...

Leave the kittens. Helene. I saw you last night and you look like a dirty witch. I know your type. You are a bluffer stupids. You eat lamb

Sushi Blameful said...

Bad violence talk. No luck.
Hello Kitty.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr said...

Where's that Finnish tard today? His cell phone is probably stuck to his tongue.

lion king said...

kitties die because of negligence and other mistreatments. I'm calling the authorities if this isn't a joke. I rescue all cats and you can't just GIVE away or sell your pet! It has bonded to you and now cannot easily give its heart to another. Think about that.

pinkeye said...

Your heart bleeds a pathetic shade of pink, Lion Queen.

pitched tent said...

sushi you turn my loins on fire. are you a boy or a girl. do you need a bath?

mountain man said...

LK I know you are trying to be something resembling helpful but you are too foolish. Come back later when you are ready to accept me selling my cat for a high price. I do not condone eating kittens, Helene and Bleet, I hope that was a joke. LK, I may have to pass you some courvoisier.

Hello Sushi!!! Welcome to the morning!!!!

Labbai has been making the blog rounds. I am not sure whether he is male or female but it is for sure funny. I want to learn the alien language of the Finn Dutchbots.

mountain man said...

If Sushi needs a bath I want to be the one to bathe him/her. Sushi are you dirty?

Friendly said...

Speaking of "For Sale" I was hanging out, well I can't say where, but let's just say it was a fine maldecorated watering hole in the old village, and everything, I mean everything, was for sale. I bought it all. Yyyeeoowwyyyy, what fun times. Bear hugs and pussycats and free cotton T-shirts. I like liquids and crystals and skintypes and banners with sans seriph indefinite articles followed by verbs in Gothic type.

rankor said...

i hate the finish guy. I am enraged. i want to skin and sea salt his claves, pickle his eyelids bleach, and blow dry his vocal chords.

Itchy Redness said...

Pink Eye when will you take antibiotics to get rid of your sty?

mountain man said...

Maybe Finny has mal English. He needs to become better with verbs. Hi friendly. You seem uber friendly. Tell me more about the wares you bought. Would you like to buy any of what I am selling? I have pencils to sell too. And staples.

Sushi Blameful said...

Mountain I no dirty, but love water. Most cleanse, best luck. You very forward with offer. I make arrange, yes?

Friendly said...

It was so cold last night i thought it was snowing. I needed so many friends to keep me warm.
If you need money Mountain Man, you should start a Kissing Booth and sell your bitches kisses. I was at one last night, but the poor dear was such a failed capitalist; she never charged.

Pan said...

Mountain Man,
May I purchase an image of you.

mountain man said...

um, ok but you don't have to purchase it I will just give you one. Later.

Ben C. said...

I would take the whole lot for $16,789.51.

Anonymous said...

I am sure you can sell this stuff on ebay and make a killing.

mountain man said...

Ben C., I believe you are the highest bidder! Sold! Would you like to pay in cash dollars? Pennies? Gold bars? Or trade with other stuff in kind worth approximately the same amount. I am into all kinds of knick knacks so whatever you want to do is fine with me.

Pan said...

Wow thanks Mountain Man, dear kindred spirit. May I post your picture on Elfinmagic?

Ben C. said...

I will pay in gold bars. Meet me at Western Beef in two hours.

Marla said...

I would like to sell my smelly pumps.

randy said...

I would like to sniff your smelly pumps

rankor said...

where is F lady? i have to tell her something.

rankor said...

i fyou see her please tell her this. F lady, holly crap you are fat and hot, you're spandex, you're a secondary tier of epidermous delight. i dream of being caught in your folds on a humid day (i am fear of cold), i crave the equator. you ballance my errection and my caution. I am bland and buy my meals by the meal. I cry and watch medical dramas with a box of kleenex. I like frozen pizza and pretend to watch art films when I truly yearn for a blockbuster on the corner. i vow this F lady, I fear not, and brave I am, are you? It takes real courage to pick up the phone. I am vulnerable, are you? Seek me out, Here I am!

Marla said...

Sure you can sniff, but it'll cost you.

sloth said...

MM, could you spare some of your copious whiskers? For a bare friend in desperate need. Would you be interested in a trade for some Log-time? Otherwise payment would be in old magazines, but it sounds like you are trying to de-accession.

postmoderndebunker said...

MM, are you really selling those hard and yellow toe-nails?