Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Poison Upstream

My next door neighboor decided to empty vials of poison into her end of the stream. It has migrated down to my end and I have become bloody inside my mouth. I am aware that it will be ok.

It got dark last night but there was light within the darkness that I am hoping is comprehensible. The hairbrushes are a welcome addition, always, even if they contain bucking babies. So today, I am bringing a bag of hairbrushes to work. I will offer to all of the nearby ladies that they may brush my natty long hair, deeply in need of brushing. I can tell by their eyes that they have been wanting to brush my tresses for months. Today is your day, ladies! Then, as a double use for the colorful brushes, I will use the back sides of them to smash and slap the ladie's back sides. Their truly squishy behind the scenes notions. I will coax them to remove their pantaloons and make welts on them. And if it doesn't work, then I will instead contemplate this heady scenario for many minutes, culminating, most probably, in a furtive trip to the men's room, if you receive my meaning.

Please forgive these wanton ways. I am new to the earth, in spite of having been here for so long.

Yours Truly,

MM

36 comments:

Wishes said...

I wish I worked with you and could be a lucky lady who would brush your hair. I am sure it is somewhat nice hair. Do you wash it?

Dressa said...

Is your hair thick and unruly? Do you overbrush? How about a coloring, say purple perhaps? That goes nicely with leather.

postmoderndebunker said...

Oh MM, is the poison out of your system? I would like to know who this pesky rodent is that has done this. I will not rest until I have perpetrated harm on her.

Preston said...

Hey everyone! I was away at a oral gratification seminar in Portland. I was the head speaker, if you know what I mean.

mountain man said...

Hello Peepers. Thank you for your protective offers PD. I have missed you. Dressa, sadly I do not wear leather. Only denim and hemp fibers. I am very eco.

Shirley Jackson said...

Preston. Are you fine? Please contact me at once. I am in need of orality and diapering.

postmoderndebunker said...

MM, I hope the poison has not spread to that wonderful stick of yours.

I have missed you terribly...sniff..sniff

mountain man said...

I am pretty much ok except for my mouth. It continues to drip brackish blood out the side. Otherwise I am healthy. Ready for biting.

Sabato said...

I like to wear leather. Purple is not such a good idea with it though. I like black and white. Maybe some blue here and there. I shave every other day. I am sexy.

***** said...

Mountain Man,
Your musty fens have hidden this neighbor too long. Prune and sheer and plant anew. Rid yourself of excess; play the farmer in a community theater....for practice. Wear gingham and a leather collar.

By the way, your bloodied mouth entices.

Crux said...

I have a tuber penis, remember me?

stareanus said...

put your penis in a tub, i will wash it with pure joy, then soap, then water, then comb and part it's hair..he will shine again i tell you!

Crux said...

That will not make the lumps go away...would it?

postmoderndebunker said...

I am lonely today MM. I feel my friend Jack has let me down.

mountain man said...

PD, you must arrange to have yourself dunked in a well. You will feel renewed. The muck will do you good. There is an excellent well-dunker I know of, I can give you his number and he will come dunk you post-haste.

Dunker said...

It is not really a well, but if your into being dunked, we will just pretend it's not a toilet.

postmoderndebunker said...

No, this will not cure me, I know. I have tried this once before. I need to get back on the oxy.

krixfort said...

I need to be spanked today. A hairbrush will work nicely.

postmoderndebunker said...

That will hurt too much Krix., unless that is what you are after.

stareanus said...

no, the lumps will sparkly and smooth over insertion. most pleasing!

bulging said...

ohhh ohh Krix! i spank! I have a wiffle ball batt and a waffle iron, i can lube your ass up with syrup, it makes th esting so sweet

krixfort said...

maybe it is what I am after.

Cranky T. Critic said...

Hair brushes and spankings. That reminds me of a hazy memory of hanging out at the Kitchen with Al Hansen. It was during the Nixon years, and we were witnessing Yoko Ono in one of her "Happenings." People from the audience filed up one after the other to cut away the dress she was wearing with a pair of shears. It wasn't long before she was butt naked surrounded by a pile of fabric clippings. A few of us in the audience had "dropped trow," so to speak, as well -- just to get in the spirit of the performance. The Yoko produced a hair brush from God knows where and exhorted us to give her scrawny naked bottom a whack to punish her for breaking up the Beatles. When my turn finaly arrived. The heady cocktail of mushrooms, Qualudes and toad-back kicked in and my legs gave out. Next thing I know, I am waking up on the pier . . . you know the rest of the story.

mountain man said...

dear cranky,

what happened next? i am not sure i know the rest. did you drink too much alky-hol? did you fornicate with a hooker? did you play puzzles by yourself?

you seem not as cranky as i would imagine, given your name.

love,

mm

bulging said...

does cranky want a spanky?

Cranky T. Critic said...

Well, Mr. Man -- or should I call you Mountain? It's kind of a painful memory, or memories, I should say, as all those awakenings on the pier have sort of blurred together. Sometimes there would be a dwarf or a dead guy there with me. Often there would be french fries sticking out of my ass and my pants nowhere in sight. Usually there followed the obligatory trip to the Police station where I had time to pick out the splinters, waiting for the public defender. The cops were cooler back then. They let a lot of shit slide. Anyway, thinking about the past mellows me out. Not to worry, however, there will no doubt be some God-awful shite send me over the top . . .

bulging said...

i'll spank you on the fat chair MM...for free!

tang said...

Cranky,
Looks like you and I have much in common. Why did you have to go to the police though? It seems you were a willing participant in the fun times. You wouldn't press charges would you?
Remembering the old days mellows me out as well, but I keep looking for more. NYC is not what they said it would be. I mean, everybody talks a good game about the gangbangs and all, but seems like ancient history. Where's the fun?

William S. Wilson said...

i agree

Theodore C. Thomas said...

Hi Bill,
How the colon?
Haven't seen you or Susie since the operation. Everything okay? Plumbing still working?

Bill T. Balls said...

I have a scary looking wart on my testicle. I think I should have someone look at it.

Cranky T. Critic said...

Tang

When I talk about the "obligatory trips" to the local precinct, I mean it was their obligation to haul my sorry ass in for the usual charges of vagrancy, public urination, public nudity, consorting with midgets, etc. Believe you me, it was never my idea to pass the time with New York's finest, though, to their credit, they never hit me in the face.

rice said...

I rather like being slapped in the face. You sound like fun stuff, Cranky. Do you Scrunge?

Sorrowful Midget said...

Cranky, I remember you. Aren't you the gutteral one with the pimples on your bum and the frizzy hair? I liked you. You were nice to me, we played knick knack together. I am less sorrowful than I used to be, I have accepted my fate as a smaller man, but still, I am more sorrowful than most. I miss you.

mountain man said...

Drats, I am being harried and befuddled again. I am excited about the tards though. This is keeping my spirits up. I love the tards. Thank Goodness for them.

James M. said...

Do you have any stuff for me?