Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Retardation



Really have a great Christmas if it is your thing. Enjoy the the atmosphere of selfish consumption and lackluster party planning. Allow yourself to ingest rapid amounts of curdled blood and sink your teeth into the flesh of people's arms who mean nothing to you. Please drool. Please excrete foamy mal-digested pointilist liquid tableaux into your toilet. Take a picture of it and send it to me. Send it via fax or regular mail it doesn't matter.

17 comments:

Mountain Man said...

If there is a mess left on your nether end don't forget to do the scoots on the nicest rug in the house. Buck your teeth as you do it.

pd said...

I boycotted this year MM!! I really did it, so I can't say that I performed anything you suggested in your post. (Scoots excluded)
Hope your nethers are okay.
xo

krixfort said...

I boycotted too, MM. I didn't even pick up me cell phone when people called with holiday cheers.

me not care.

my teeth are bucked and I am scooting in anticipation of the debacle known as New Year's Eve. My head hurteth already.

Mountain Man said...

Hi PD. Hi Krix. MM is in Paris. For reals. My teeth are still bucked and I am scooting for the Frogs on the carpet of time. I miss you guys.

dubz said...

i'm really glad xmas is over. i went to florida where we just made fun of people's electric nativities and saw the manatees. what's happening in paris? sounds fun.

Mountain Man said...

Electric nativity. Is this a euphemism? Does it dangle?

We are in Paris with mini UF. She will be spending the semester here & since we didn't spend xmas together we came here for some phun. Today was the Picasso museum & Victor Hugo's house.

dubz said...

ca c'est bon! i haven't left home today. the nativities were lit-up cartoon children on beds of hay. i like that in the daytime you can see the extension cords all over people's lawns. very festive.

Mountain Man said...

Dubz there is hardly anything more intense than extension cords on a lawn. I am glad you got to see that time and time again for the holidays. Good for you for not leaving home. That is one crucial part of my imagination of the ideal day.

Nutella + baguette = my new favorite meal

slothy said...

Hello MM, I am here to poison your blog. Myself, I like poison on a Finn Crisp.

Mountain Man said...

I'll take your poison Slothy. Especially if it comes on a toast-ette. Do you think post-nasal drip would taste good on a Finn Crisp too? I do.

MM has gimpy foot-foot, bad cold out of nowhere, and lactose intolerance. Makes for a delightful travel partner in Paris. Today I stay in bed until later when it is supposed to get festive. Musee Maillol at 5 is my target, then who knows what. There are drawings by Otto Dix, Max Beckmann and George Grosz from WWI at the Maillol. Very excited to see.

Mountain Man said...

Wish I was spending New Year's with you guys. We have to plan a party for January. I miss yous.

dubz said...

our birthdays are coming up. i am fat. you should see this.

fairy butler said...

yes - let's plan something for january!! mm, you are tres fabulous for being in paris. wow. i am at beige today which is strange after not being here for over a week. i am boot scooting in my minds eye today over all the desks.

the manatees sound great dubz. i can't think of anything clever about iowa this time. i did have taco pizza though.

Mountain Man said...

Yuck why is New Year's the most retarded night of the year. Please tell me whether you think so too. It makes me wish I had diapers on to repeatedly brown myself without care for pants staining.

Yes it's 2008 and I am still fixated on poo. Sorry.

FB. Yes to taco pizza. Yes to party. No to me being fabulous in any respect. I am less than fabulous. Less than exciting. More like a worm.

Mountain Man said...

A worm inching sludge-like down the streets of Paris, dead on the inside, flaking on the outside. Wearing sneakers. A fool on parade. Tonight I was told by mini UF that my limp only looks like I have a slightly strange walk and that I don't look that old, I could pass for one of her friends who is a heavy smoker. I found this very funny.

USB said...

Dear MM:
Paris? Even in sneakers and feeling low, it is likely to lighten the heart?
Mm, Was lovely to see you, gimp, sneakers and all. Your roast beast was deliciouso. We fought over the sauce after you left...
Am back shoveling snow in the back forty... need access to the privy! Do not recommend reindeer trip in small sleigh. US had a panic attack, Sis started chatting Sartre with seatmate while boozing it up (free due to mega delay in boarding). Luggage did arrive- must hae been the bungy cords around each grouping.
Kitti is still wailing at windows to passers-by that we've abandoned her. Me, I've got to head out to shovel again...should find my hip flask and top it up.
Happy New Year to ya'll... Hic!

Mountain Man said...

Happy New Year USB. I have a new post I need to do but am lazy I guess. We went to the Orsay today. I had my iPod so the creeping throng of crowds was not as annoying as it could have been. My eyeballs were popping out of my head there was so much to see in the way of masterpieces. I found myself zoning in on the simpler minor pieces...it was fun.