Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day



It could not be more exciting to be human and be prodded with bladed instruments. Today is the day to celebrate the cartoon format of your main organ. Meanwhile, the freezing rain pelts the windows, making herky jerky percussion that echos the probably senseless thought activity in your head. The slush beckons you to fall in it, bum first. The later ices will bring certain death through foot and mouth. If it pleases you go ahead and rejoice in the heart, but be careful is all I ask.

53 comments:

mountain man said...

If you are lucky information will seep slowly up through the sole of your boot into your foot up your leg. Certain pieces of information may be helpful in your journey to become more or less human.

I need some themes for my art. Please help me. Please leave art ideas in the comment section. You will be paid back with the knowledge that you have helped. Isnt' that enough.

The penis on my back is re-growing.

Svetlana said...

I love cartoon formats. Aeon Flux' eyelashes, the Tasmanian Devil's testicles, all things drawn and animated. "Thump, thump, thump" made visible in every cell. A resounding "Thwaaaaaaaaaak" to you this day Mountain Man. Keep the icicles out of your beard and the slush from your booty.

mountain man said...

Hi Svetlana. May the thrushes come to you as well as the thwacks. I wish health and good fortune for you. My hope is that peril stays away.

svetlana said...

booty in this case being the Pirate kind, no slush money, no wet jewelry....

Chinese Whispers said...

I am speaking to you through the storm. I am telling jokes that aren't funny.

svetlana said...

Thanks Mountain Man, I had to put a restraining order on Peril. He was such a freak every since we broke up.

mountain man said...

Peril Stevens? I hate him.

Peril Stevens said...

I think you have me confused with Feral Stevens. It happens a lot.

best china show ever said...

get ready for the year of the pig, MM. Ding hai, brother, Ding hai.

taxidermied ding bat said...

when will it be my year?

always a bridesmaid. . .

krixfort said...

hearts to you MM!

xoxxoxoxxx

mountain man said...

Hearts to you too Krix!

The Capt'n said...

Where's the beef? This is good if you're a lover not a fighter, a liver not a bladder.

mountain man said...

what if you live in a beef bladder?

The Capt'n said...

Then a sliver of cheese can kill. I have no beef with that.

USB said...

Dear MM:
We're in the deep freeze, and its extending in your direction. Its nice to share. Resistance is futile.. Prepare to be assimulated(?). Happy Valentines Day to ya'll.
Spot ya an icicle! Chocolate is being rationed...!!!!

mountain man said...

USB I embrace the deep freeze. And chocolate is a good coping mechanism.

A sliver of cheese however gives me frights in the night. I have a number of phobias, cheeze is one.

sloth said...

um. i'm in the mood for love... or maybe it's a cheesesteak...

fb said...

alll i want today are conversation hearts, a whole vat of them, with saying like "fuck yeah" and "you're awesome" and "pass the baloney"

fairy butler said...

let us explore the art themes. i will take the rejects.

i cannot think of any themes.

sloth said...

yes, fairy... me too. also "balls out!"

sloth said...

I mean about the hearts. not the arts.

red hots said...

sweet tarts.

mountain man said...

More sayings for hearts:

F Me
Gimme Somethin'
Try Me On
Do it
Lemme have some
Taste my nads

pd said...

Happy V-day everyone! I just got some conversation hearts...

What's that smell?
I love your hairy pits
Mind the hemorrhoids!
Set me on fire.

mountain man said...

I'll set you on fire PD. No problem. I just bought some gasoline for UF's dinner.

observer of the perv said...

Set my hemorrhoids on fire

pd said...

Ah, the ol' poisoned V-day dinner. So Hallmark of you.

pd said...

I am forcing my lady to bring me pizza and lots of it.

mountain man said...

Pizza. Yum. I think I am going to make steak and taters.

pd said...

As for art ideas...why not become a performer artist. Incorporate lavender sweats and lyrical sandals in your postmodern critique of the phenomenological paradigms of today?

mountain man said...

PD that is so polemical.

ceo of Hallmark said...

Hallmark does not support the ideas and suggestions presented here. Rather, we suggest you say it with slow torturous kicks to the kidneys.

artificial intelligence officer said...

Don't listen to PD.

hammy said...

themes:
suction tubing.
party confetti and head gear
the water bottle as metaphore for life and liberty
chance and time in terms of hair growth
kittens without moms
portable urinals
pink sweaters for men
cupcakes
jesus juice
cults
time and space ships
message in a bottle that has just washed up
thought bubbles
light bulbs
edison
intercoms
fictional bells.
sounds that hurt
candy in excess.

sloth said...

"kittens without moms..." beautiful, hammy. poignant.

fairy butler said...

themes:
tutenkhomen
urinary tract infections
spandex
lancing boils
spaghetti
chapped hands and greasy spoons
microscopic demons
air rifles

sloth said...

eggbeater turbines
toe problems
recipes for disaster
questionable stains
war is hell
elephant as metaphor
rat fur coat

hammy said...

themes:
politics and sadness
north pole
ear mites
cupping
bloody things
contraptions that make life easier
digital time
underwater
baggies

sloth said...

satan's feedbag
chumming the waves
how do birds kiss?
flies I have killed
the taste of paste
world's biggest meatball
I am my own pet
animal-balloon angioplasty

ham paw said...

themes:
heart murmur
coarse cloths
mining and oar
a penis
inverted eyes
Kentucky
quail hunting
horses
ducks
pigs
fighting with swords

mountain man said...

woweeee....could i be any luckier to have friends like you?

this is a beautiful list that needs to be honored.

Maybe the next post should be on possible art themes as a follow up to last year's show title post?

I am my own pet
Party Confetti and Head Gear
Chapped Hands and Greasy Spoons

Brilliant.

mountain man said...

Toe replacement surgery on the Corner
Hangnails for Sale
Parade of Curdled Flesh and Lice
Skinless Clowns Behead Monkeys
Trying on Nightgowns
Magnetic Ass Plunger
Mouth stuffed with eggs
Ginger ale on my vest
My name is Cory

mountain man said...

Your name is Cory
Hearts are for Scraping
Yelling in the form of Musculature
Tire tracks on my soul
Fashionable Items left in the rain

slothy said...

I meant to say, "balloon animal angioplasty"... damn dyslexia...

Magnetic Ass Plunger!!! I got one of those for Valentine's day... MM, how did you know?

mountain man said...

Slothy the Ass Plunger is desperately happy to be yours. Your ass is the ass of reason and perfection ideals. Thank you. Dyslexia is a prerequisite.

slothy said...

oh my dog, ems. the plunged substances make the perfect crumble-cake topping. just sayin.

The Capt'n said...

Heart candy sayings (can also be substituted for art themes:)

you my dogg now
can I get a what what
balls to the wall
tender tendril
where's the beef?
"bee" mine
forever's gonna start tonite
my ass is like whoa
luv is...

bumpstar said...

Or Capt'n,

my ass is like woe

pd said...

Your ass is woe! Meet me in the schoolyard at 3pm!

fairy butler said...

fun! can we write so more lists today?

sloths, can i borrow the magnetic ass plunger? There's a bundle of paper clips I've been meaning to recycle.

The Capt'n said...

bumpstar,
for the record, I'm sitting here laughing at "my ass is like woe."

Corny said...

I keep looking at this picture like it's a big drippy scoop of chocolate ice cream. MMMMM, hearts.