Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Xtra Long Hair






Doesn't it seem fun? I am seriously considering the freeing lengths, the sultry wavy locks. I have bought the pumps, the long sleeved number, the smile. The semester has ended, I am free to finish the relics. My smile is as broad as an anal probe is long.

81 comments:

GAS said...

Deep.

mountain man said...

Hi Gassy. You are poignant.

mountain man said...

I want to be Mormon, if only to multiple-marry many long-haired ladies. I have large desires, they are not normal.

mountain man said...

My wiener has roamed onto my backside again. I feel great.

Drndl said...

The warmth is rooting in my pores. I am light green like a muppet. Please make me into a sweater if you like.

Pam said...

Singe my face with birthday candles. I am desirous of the burn patches, the squandering of my looks. I have never beheld such pointless excitement.

Snuggly Kitty said...

I am self-licking to prepare for immersion, I am concurrent with the fur my owner.

Pam said...

Snuggly Kitty may I buy you for a dime? I want to impress you with riddles.

professor long hair said...

Long hair gets in the way of many fun things.

mountain man said...

No I do not agree. Long hair is an enhancing factor. It is for love and covering in the shivery evening.

randy said...

And wrapping and pulling and teasing....oh and removing.

mountain man said...

Do not remove the unending tresses, they are hopeful.

sloth said...

mm, your hairs are your antennae, picking up vibrations from the universe, which travel down your arms and into the paintbrush. Your superpower.

Mountain Man said...

Dear Sloth,

It is now my turn to ask for your hand in marriage. Please do me the honor of a full-water immersion ceremony. Our time is now. My hair will mingle with your fur in the crustaceous time of today. I await your response.

Love,

MM

Cosmic Portentions said...

There is a proliferation occuring, a drowning in lack of answers. It feels like pudding on the skin. It is cooling.

p to the D said...

I will not comment on your most recent proposal, MM. Except to say: You cad!

Other than that...MORNING SUNSHINE.

Dimpleforth said...

I can see it, it is junkful.

Mountain Man said...

PD - you of all porpoises know of the delights of marrying others. Don't think I am not aware of what you have proposed behind my back and yet I embrace and forgive you. You must understand about Sloth. It is necessary. It does not reduce my love for you, it is a polymorphous occurence.

Mountain Man said...

I am bursting with love at the finish of my semester. There is only one more trip to Philthy, this pleases me to no end.

p to the d said...

Oh, I didn't realize you knew about the others. So many of them. I have this compulsion you know. But I do understand about Sloth--it is one of the few things I understand in this crazy world.

Mountain Man said...

Perhaps a joint ceremony under the waters is what we need. A group marriage? But will they accept us?

Mountain Man said...

I have been watching too much Big Love, that is the problem.

PDELICIOUS!!!!! I feel squirrely today. I am getting my hairs cut and re-dyed. The redness will return to me. My throat is sore from too much crit yesterday. I talky talky talky all day long. I make no sense.

One of my students actually said to me in front of the class "i have no idea what that means" and starting laughing. Oh well, such is my lot. I tell them their work looks like cornflakes, so what do i expect.

pd said...

I am right behind you with the hairs. I need a new zig zag and a cut too.

Cornflakes! It takes some painters years to get to the cornflakes stage.

Mountain Man said...

I know - this insolent girl actually made the coolest drawing - for her abstraction assignment - a patch of textured cornflakes in puke and olive colors in pastels. I liked it.

I have to fail 2 of my students. 2 out of 17. I am bummed out about this. They sent me long sob story emails after class last night - both of whom missed like 1/2 the semester. Yikes.

Mountain Man said...

These emails were unreal. Actually I had 3 students have breakdowns and disappear from class. I think there is a lot of drug-doing and instability. I don't know. One of them is going to pass though because she did most of her work. Anyway. Crazy kids. I guess I have to learn to be more of a counselor. Learning on the job here.

Worm said...

I am burrowing into the marshes like an inverted bird. This makes no sense however it does not concern me.

Mountain Man said...

I should have taken pictures of their work last night. Dumb. They made some amazing stuff for the final projects. Esp. of course Bud Wise. He drew this gorgeous insect-bird-hut with lots of little marks on a window shudder. It was so strange and smart.

pd said...

That is the trouble with art school. It's not like teaching physics. Too much psychology to deal with.

pd said...

But then...there are the Bud Wises that make all worthwhile.

Mountain Man said...

That is true! You are so smart PD. I am going to send my trolls over to massage your neck and shoulders all day. They will feed you treats when you ask for them. Hot dogs, donuts and such. It is your day today. It is PD DAY!!!!

sloth said...

I bet there's psychology in physics too, PD. I don't know exactly how, but I feel that it must be true.

MM, I accept! You will be my 3rd wife -- lucky number! -- and my fifth spouse (also very lucky). Our underwater wedding will be devastatingly beautiful; you will wear sea anenomes in your endless tresses. My fur will be flashing and twirling, teeming with crustaceans. We'll ride in on a manta ray.

Mountain Man said...

I cannot tell you how happy this makes me Sloth. We need to have it fully documented by underwater cameras. Let's invite all the fish and water dwellers we can think of. We can serve sea cucumber and urchin sandwiches. I will wear flippers. Thank you for accepting my offer.

pd said...

MM, I need a massage in the worst way!!! Makes me want to cohabitate with someone so I can get them for free. But alas, nobody wants to marry me. Anyway, I need the hot dogs even more, so send them along.

Slothy, my friends dad is some leading physicist for the U.S. and he is so droll and sticks only to the facts. Just the facts, m'am is his slogan. It is fun talking to him--he is so difficult.

pd said...

Sadness. Always a sea urchin...never a mermaid.

Mountain Man said...

PD will you not join the ceremony so we may all be married again? By all accounts you have married me twice and Slothy once. It is time to renew the vows if you have forgotten, my dearest. Plus anyone else is welcome to join. It is an inclusive event that will incorporate drugs.

pd said...

Yes, I will wear my Sigmund the Seamonster outfit. Hooray! Sorry to invite myself....

By the way, the third woman down looks a lot like my highschool biology teacher.

Gurgling Bunny said...

Whatever would possess a woman to grow her hair this long? Is it Christianity, Jesus? Or some other impulse.

sloth said...

oh! let's invite her, too.

sloth said...

Jacques Cousteau can perform the cermony. He's not really dead, just decided to stay in the undersea world for a while.

Mountain Man said...

I have fashioned marzipan rings for you both. Will they survive a water-immersion? Perhaps if I coat them in polyurethene? They have miniature mushrooms on them. My fingers are nimble and busy this morning - leftover energy from yesterday. Should put it to good use in the shack. Soon.

Mountain Man said...

We must have 2 officiants - Jacques and his American cousin Samuel, who is also undead, he was a freeze-drier by trade, it could provide an interesting conceptual counterpoint.

pd said...

Yes! let's invite my biology teacher. When I dissected a frog (sorry Frogs) she watched me closely and threatened that if I screamed, complained, or cracked a joke while cutting, she would fail me.

sloth said...

oh, she sounds like a stern taskmistress, PD. On our wedding night we'll have to tie her up and torture her with the anal probe and chicken fingers.

sloth said...

we'll also HAVE to invite mm's friend from before, the boy hugging the big fish.

pd said...

Everything changed when I saw her at Chi-Chi's in the mall one day with a dorky fella. I had something on her. Chicken fjita finger rapes?

sloth said...

OH yeah. with the spicy dipping sauce.

sloth said...

that top lady looks like she was torn from the prow of a ship... she'd make a bitchin' figurehead.

deli-slicer said...

SO true, Slothy. I will capture her and dip her in bronze.

w.w. said...

hi MM. does the carpet match the drapes?

Mountain Man said...

WW, I am not sure. I cannot see clearly, there is muscle relaxant in my eye.

The Gaylord Rehabilitation Center said...

Excuse me, does WW stand for wall to wall?
hello, it is my first visit to your cabin, Mountainous Man.

Mountain Man said...

Gaylord! I am honored times sixty! Thank you for visiting my cabin. I don't know if you realized but I have bound several hussies in the back room. Would you care to poke at them with sticks with me? Just curious.

Handlebars of Guidance said...

I think WW stands for Wide and Waxy. Am I right, WW?

The Gaylord Rehabilitation Center said...

I'm always curious to acquire new test subjects for advanced research at the Gaylord, I'll have my associate, Grizzly Adams stop by.
And I am so glad you are done sheparding the kiddies through that harrowing experience called art school. you really, uh, let your hair down here, huh huh. ugh, i can't wait. only two more weeks. i feel ready to poke my eyes and larynx out.

The Gaylord Rehabilitation Center said...

1-800-588-2300 EMPIRE

The Capt'n said...

I have no strength or energy to be even remotely interesting as I am falling over out of my seat with Jet lag.....what day is it? I no likey being even farther from the Norf*kineasters. But I like very much to see your hair yes, yes I have.

Mountain Man said...

I totally understand that eye/larynx removal desire. I have a pair of forceps on hand in case of emergency, I am not against self-removal strategies. I will keep an eye out for your Mr. Adams.

Two more weeks!! I send you the power of the trance state. Mucho luck to you.

Mountain Man said...

Captn!! These strands are aimless without you. I have been missing you so much I messed myself. I had to start wearing the Pampers again.

Mountain Man said...

PS - I don't know if anyone's mentioned this to you already but from what I understand there are drugs that may be available in the city where you are that may be instrumental to your jet lag state and increase your enjoyment, etc. etc.

harsh taskmaster said...

well, well. What have we here? hmmm?

back to work, all of you.

krixfort said...

harsh, you are harshing my mellow.

mountain man said...

I just added a stat counter. I think I did it wrong because you click on mesothelioma and it tells you about cancer. Why am I so retarded?

mountain man said...

Krix, help. I just cut & paste some html but I wasn't sure where. Is it ok to link to this rare cancer?

The Gaylord Rehabilitation Center said...

oh capt'n! oy mate! glad you made it on over top of us to europa. okay, girl, all fancy n' shit. listen Mary, be sure to jot down where the cruisy scenes are, okay? do some poppers and get through that jet lag, girl. this makes eye removal obsolete. there is joy. mm has survived, so can i.
why haven't we talked about crystal gayle yet? my country girl is barging in on your blog.

mountain man said...

Crystal Gayle is a beacon for us all in trying times. Fortitude can be gleaned from long hair.

Gaylord, I send my survival to you in the form of synthetic cheez. I know how you are feeling. It is tuff.

mountain man said...

MM is feeling frisky. I would like to grow my hair long and remove my pants.

Hussy said...

MM please tend to us in the back room. We are desiring the pokes with sticks.

mountain man said...

BB told me how to make the bottomless look "work". I am rocking it.

pd said...

So does this counter count how many times we visit your blog, or does it count the nymber of people with mesothelioma that visit you blog?

martin said...

is mesothilioma from another time? the capital of another place? can i get a ticket?

i am sick today.

Corny said...

You guys are all getting married?!?! Can I get married too? I'll sweeten the deal by bursting out of a monster sized crab cake, body covered in iridescent liquified mollusks. I'll make 40 foot long trains out of abalonie for all of us which will be carried by an army of sea urchins. We can have the reception in a special diving bell with 1000 person capacity, or skip the reception.

Corny said...

MountainousMan, you must be SO damn glad to be done with school.

You: But what about YOU corny? How are You doing?

Me: I've got 3 MORE WEEKS. It's like they're truely trying to KILL ME!!!!!!!!!

You: (Head tilted, eyebrows raised in concern) Oh corny you silly dear, you can't be killed, you're alreaty dead!

Me: (Staring blankly out of window...)

krixfort said...

MM, this is really bad but linking to cancer can cause cancer.

try this: http://www.statcounter.com
(ps this is how I figured out that you and fb and ham paw were not the same person.)

kiss kiss oh tresses of mankind. I sing the body electric.

fairy butler said...

hola mm! I hope your tresses are shiny today!

Mountain Man said...

Hi FB! My tresses are enmeshed with peppercorns. It is nice.

Hi Corns. Corns, I am so sorry you have 3 more weeks. I have to go down for a full day of panel crits - so I do have one more but it's not my class so it seems not as bad for some reason. I am so sorry for you my dearest dear!!!! 3 more weeks is an interminable length. Me love you.

Mountain Man said...

Krix I didn't know how easily you could catch cancer. I am nervous.

I picked up my cards yesterday for the show. It looks good, I think. Wowee, I can't believe it's 2 weeks away!!!

krixfort said...

MM!!!!! That is very exciting!!

I can't hardly contain myself but I will try for now.

sloth said...

MM, hooray for your cards and your show! Can't wait.

Krix, thanks for the Whitman reference... I went and looked up that poem again. i love that he uses the term "man root."

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