Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Doktor Wyrd

I am sending out a distress call to Doktor Wyrd, will you please swoop in and save me? There are many issues:

1. My boat is sinking.
2. My torso is full of pains.
3. I am considering garden hosing myself.
4. I am being kicked out of my shack right after my show opens.
5. I am disassociating.
6. There are swellings on the inside of my gut. My gut is connected to my brain and as we all know that is pretty much fucked, so there are two sites of error, two vile sites of error.
7. Krakow's liver is necrotic.
8. Poodles have taken over my soul. They are fouling everything.

I cannot focus on the tasks at hand, the tasks are not completing themselves. My inner hairstyle is mussed. Please, if you see Doktor Wyrd, tell him about the hose. He will not be happy but he will know what to do.

33 comments:

doctor octagon said...

I have a hose. I believe they are compatible, our hoses.

mountain man said...

Is your hose green? Mine is. It's salacious.

doctor octagon said...

Mine is lascivious, and yes you could consider it green.

mountain man said...

Well I will consider it green then. I am looking for street grade heroin. Can anyone help me?

doctor octagon said...

I only have hillbilly heroin, and a slutty nurse.

postmoderndebunker said...

Yes! I can, MM. I'll make a call and you will have it within 23 minutes.

I just emailed you.

As for your inner hairstyle--I happen to have some great styles on my blog.

mountain man said...

Yes PD thank you. I like hillbillies. There is a valve missing. I am calling the Doktor now.

postmoderndebunker said...

Valves, I don't have...but drugs....a plenty. I am about to turn the Golden GIrls on--PLEASE STOP ME!

hillbilly said...

Da Da dair dair dair dair dairr dairrrr Dairrrrrrrrrrr

mountain man said...

STOP PD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very naughty.

fairy butler said...

i am pulling on the lavendar sweats. fanny pack of beernuts at the ready.

fairy butler said...

i was not murdered and drowndead last night, but locked out of my home with no money. wandered the streets until arthur could rescue me....

postmoderndebunker said...

Oh FB, I am happy you are still with us...sweats and all. I had a dream about the dog rapes! I did. I must've been worried about your meeting and somehow images of your hood popped up.

krixfort said...

Fb, quelle relief! Lockout no good. Hooray for Arthur.

Thank god Minerva lives around the corner or I would be doomed.

What is this shack business MM? Worry making.

hammy said...

poodles down! Your soul will be fine. I've got some good tinctures in my closet box of pharmacology.

fairy butler said...

i have no patience for beige.

w.w. said...

mm i have the fix. it is small and blue and goes well with boone's farm. who did this shack shift to you? i will take action. i will karate chop.

nurse crotchett said...

The doktor is busy huffing anaesthetic, MM. He is bogarting the hose. I will try to wrest it from him.

Corny said...

Oh MM, I'm sorry about the torso acting up... thats bad news, can you try visualizing offending torso floating through puffy clouds being massaged by poodles? I am sending you love beams and they're shooting acrosss the city at a million light years per second. You should have gotten them by now.

The Capt'n said...

MM, I'm sorry about your troubles. They sound serious. Sadly I have nothing to offer in the way of help. But perhaps if we get to meet this weekend I'll be able to think of something brilliant to say, to at least distract you for a moment from the pains in your torso. The odds aren't great, though, given the weak state of my brain these days, so I'll bring 50 yards of garden hose as a backup. And maybe Turkish vallium if I can remember.

lupis said...

MM, sad to hear of your troubles. I have sent off multiple beacons to scour the land for information. As far is feeling better goes. My girl G is at a bar in Florida right now. There is a drink on the menu named "the red headed whore". Would ingesting this help? I will get the recepie.

Regi said...

MM, I will gladly thrust my middle finger in the direction of that vile person who took away your shack. I am retrieving my combat boots and bomber jacket from the attic and am packing my spike encrusted baseball bat and heading your way. I will cherish a glorious encore clockwork orange performance.

USB said...

Dear MM:
Terribly upset about the terrific troubles... Shack issues- we are directing bad kamra towards said individuals...
Was thrilled to see paintings on website (PU's blabbed)!
Kitty is sending fuzzy happy thoughts ur way!

art brut said...

MM, I want to thank, I want to thank you, I want to thank you... for coming ...to my rock n roll show.

Dimpleforth said...

Hi boobers, I am loving all of you. Yes. Thank you. Please, be my pals in the ether forever and ever more.

PS - Kill me when you see me.

Dimpleforth said...

Dearest Art Brut,

What a wonderful time I had this evening. The dimples became themselves on my cheeks (face and tush) and I have never felt more relaxed.

Eager to thumb war, eager to punch in the box,

Faithfully yours,

D

pd said...

My box was punched so many times tonight, that I cannot fall asleep. Ow.

fairy butler said...

my box hurts.

Mountain Man said...

Mine too. It's killing.

pd said...

I am sitting on a block of ice. I am way too tired. I'm old.

Pimpleforth said...

I'm old too. It is poisonous.

Pimpleforth said...

Gil Mantera's Party Dream.

hennessy with morrissey said...

I am still trying to wake myself up. I can feel the soil falling over my head.