Friday, June 10, 2005

The Mysterious Band of Goons

.

I have met a lovely bunch of goons that I would like to introduce. One thing that is special about these goons is that they cannot, will not, speak at all. Another thing is that, despite their misleading appearances, they are all gender neutral. They stick together in a tight-knit band and only emerge from their place of hiding (a secret) once a month to replenish their supply of smut and multi-colored nibble-style candies. I love these goons a great deal and hope we can all partake in a circle dance communion of mutual stretching and tabulation one day very soon. I want you to meet them and love them too.

147 comments:

mountain man said...

My favorite, no offense to the others, is the white fluffer. Very generous with his hand motions. Very offering up of nibble bit candies.

Anonymous said...

gorgeous

Anonymous said...

It seems the second-from-the-left-gender-neutral-female-looking-goony-gal is trying desperately to cover her ears from the highpitched whine of 3rd's crotchgobblin.

Crotchgoblin said...

No one can quelch my high pitched whine!!! I am here to stay. I speak for the others who cannot speak. I say, stand back from this gender neutral crotch!!!!

Sushi Blameful said...

No sun in whine. Many bad lucks to goblins and neutrality. Most quiet most inside most feeling. I blame the noise.

Torrential said...

Sushi, most inside quiet? So opaque. Very up. Toxicology reports glisten under moist valves. It is benign and yet deadly, on the verge of something. You are curious and lovely.

Anonymous said...

wee willy wanky on the left seems ready to join the butt club, if you know what I mean, and boy do those clubs looks dreadful.

Band of Goons said...

We rode in a car that veered down the street as though it were driving around pylons. Sick-making. Also driver was in possession of leaden stacked foot. Much whipping on lashes of necks resulted. Much in the way of Techno/Salsa bashed our ears. We could not request the downturn of volume due to lack of speaking capabilities within our band. Crotchgoblin is a miscreant who fouls our ways from time to time, he is our pet, but he means well.

mountain man said...

I believe the clubs are meant for fun. Do not fear the buttward club, is my advice.

Anonymous said...

I love to look at this goon assembly. I want to be near them and learn their ways.

Sushi Blameful said...

Many verge, always open. If pollutant shine, many sun happen. If toxic dark, never luck. Your name inspire, Torrential.

Sushi Blameful said...

Much gracious moon and pillow. Many open dreams. Sun inside. Night.

ham paw said...

MM, this band of goons looks very familiar. A little like my family. I wish to nurture them, though I do not understand them. Perhaps second cousins.

wendy smithy said...

Don't get to close. Sharp teeth!!!!!!!!

Crux said...

I sense tuber-penises are behind their costumes.

mountain man said...

They are not dangerous, I can assure you, but very fun-loving, if mute. They are good goons.

ham paw said...

Where do they live? What is their livelihood?

ham paw said...

Do they eat dogs?

mountain man said...

They live in the Basin of Giz, outside of Yonkers, in an abandoned quarry. They are wonderful panpipers and recorder-players.

mountain man said...

The white fluffer plays accordion.

ham paw said...

Do they exorcize demons? Are they in touch with their insides? Do they breed?

becky bandaid said...

i fear for their children. Is that wrong?

josh mcqueen said...

I heard that the fluffer only plays danny boy.

mountain man said...

They are demon-free and outside the knowledge base for demons. They play their own songs, not old standards, Josh. They do not know our normal style of musics. Their music are rhythm-based and cacaphonous, but in the loveliest way possible.

mountain man said...

Ham you must accompany on my next journey to the secret quarry. They always have treats for nibbling.

mountain man said...

Crux, there are no genitalia of any kind. Only groupings of small bumps and pores.

Anonymous said...

Hiding in quarries is a good idea.

ham paw said...

Yes. MM. I trust your judgement on the goons. the initiation is available to only a few. The term goon predisposes these fancy typse to the newness of rejuvination and timeless concentrations of the truthfullness of origination. While I do not know the goons in the Biblical sense, I am ready for the offerings that they must present with the eagerness of their loins and bumps. This is secret without the secretiveness of the genetalia that we know far too well. I wish upon them a peacefullness in their preparation. Wonderment is required of them. I am weak today and yesterday and the day before that in the visionary, ocular sensibility. This stymies my concentrations and also my writing as the technological attunes me to the roar of my physicality which is in decline for the rest of my human constructions. Wonderment must be attained by the goons with both you and me, MM. I am fearful for their terrors as I share them in my ocular decline. Wishing them well and conjoining with you, MM, and our comrads, Sloth, Krix, Sushi, PD, FB, and all those who fear not goons in these final hours.

mountain man said...

Yes Ham. I would like to know if you have seized upon binoculars to improve your seeing and to prevent the bumping into things that wounds and bruises so.

Crux said...

No genitals? Are you sure?

ham paw said...

My binoculars are traveling to me through time space. Crux, you are not genitalist, are you?

Dr. Genitalist said...

I don't know about Crux, but I am a decent Genital specialist, fully accredited.

mountain man said...

Dr., do you prescribe genital enhancement medication?

Crux said...

I am into genitals, yes. Considering I have a tuber penis and all.

I fear these people.

postmoderndebunker said...

What do they do with smut if they don't have genitals? Do they just rub?

Crux said...

I went ot you years ago Dr. genitalist, and you could not help me with my lumps.

sloth said...

Do the bumps emit spores for breeding purposes?

mountain man said...

They are interested in smut for its alien cultural value. They do not receive turn-ons from smut, they like to stare at its incomprehension. Its fiddled up positionality and pinkness. Do not fear them. They are truly calming.

mountain man said...

I am not sure about this Sloth, but I think so. The bumps and pores leak a putrid gas when mating time comes about. There is an exchange of gas between the concerned parties and new miniature goons emanate as if from nothing after a period of weeks.

Anonymous said...

Are they larval in their miniature state?

mountain man said...

No, they emerge fully-formed, fully functioning, just smaller.

Crux said...

Nothing comes of my bumps, except misery. No woman will approach them. I am left lonely and lumpy.

sloth said...

Do they have names, MM? Sloth wants to know the name of the large one with the round belly. He seems to have a face growing out of the crotch-area. Perhaps it is decorative, or maybe it is a religious icon.

Jicima Hater said...

I think these goons are chumps in goon clothing. I am warning the blogsphere.

postmoderndebunker said...

I think this face is his pleasure principle. He is a sly one and is more interested in smut than MM knows.

sloth said...

His club is exciting.

Anonymous said...

That is his crotchgobblin. The shrieks he emits deafen all unfortunate enough to hear. the poor goony-girl next to him has been initiated into the fold by his deafening crotchgobblin and will soon be mute as well. It is alright though for she was far too chatty and was beginning to show signs of pubescent sexual urges. This should fix her.

wala said...

The not-so-fantastic-7-goons never looked so bad. I would like to have them for dinner.

mountain man said...

The crotchgoblin is the force that keeps everyone in check. PD you must not fear them so. They are one with everything and on the side of goodness. Yes, they are not fantastic, no they are not sexual (mostly). It is good to be in their company.

sloth said...

Sloth suspects the round one. The club looks like it could be used for the rapes.

mountain man said...

The rapes are asexual rapes. They are blunders of humor.

krixfort said...

I am partial to the one with the toothy grin.

mountain man said...

I am saddened that thou will not accept the willing charmer band of goons into your days. They are my height of exacting safety, they emanate the stretching towards oneness.

mountain man said...

Yes Krix! The toothy one is the turnstile attendant. You may place tokens in his tooth slots to pass through into the quarry, to pass through into goon-access.

Sushi Blameful said...

Much surprising, many bad lucks, Mountain Man. You friends share and many here no accept. Why? Judgement sound; these goons superior, much sun making. No fear with me, Mountain. Much friendly.

Worm said...

I am wondering some of them have less covering, almost no fur. What gives?

Bleet said...

Sushi they have harmful looks about them. We cannot help but grumble sketchy reactions. Who are these goons? Why have they emanated from nothing? Will they come and go like the henchmen? We are unsure.

mountain man said...

Lovely goons offer songs of longing through pipes.

Bubble of Nothing said...

Interesting sadness, poignant awkwardness of picture.

krixfort said...

I am ready to be accepting of goons. I am open to openness.

Sushi Blameful said...

Much beautiful Krixfort, many suns shine on you for your willing. Open luck and open heart and open body merge. Many goon song.

krixfort said...

I am not sure if I am ready for open body merge Sushi. I will have to think on this.

mountain man said...

Open to openness is fun Krix. I love you.

mountain man said...

Open body merge sounds like painful surgery. Please give the appropriate anesthetics. Then yes to fun.

mountain man said...

Today I am in hate with spirituality. But I love magic. Is that bad?

Dakota said...

Spirituality is the cause of all oneness, MM. You are blind to it.

Dakota said...

Remove the post-its from the eyes.

mountain man said...

I am unblind. I know nothing, I am channeling threats and hopes from the ether. It is painful. The circulation is compromised. I apologize for everything. There is pus in the ruptures.

Anonymous said...

Goons are wet in the rain. They have ceased their aural banter.

Anonymous said...

Are these ruptures in your anal passage?
What have you been up to?

mountain man said...

No, not anal, anonymous. I did not join the goon butt club. These ruptures of pus are inordinately metaphorical. I apologize. I am putting the post-its back on.

Sylphic Hatch said...

My valves are moist. There are no toxicology reports within them, however.

Anonymous said...

Pass over the valve opener this way. I am seeking hardware with which to perpetrate the valves of this tenuous Sylphic Hatch.

mountain man said...

Anonymous, are you heady? Are you beefy? Are you a gourmand?

mountain man said...

Are you one or many?

Anonymous said...

i am one, that i know of. however there may be more. i am shy.

sloth said...

Introduce yourself to the others. Then you are never lonely.

Neal said...

I like the guy with the sheepskin skirt. He is very pleased with himself, and why shouldn't he be?

Anonymous said...

Thank you Sloth. I will consider this option.

ham paw said...

The goons wish to meet on a desert island. there will be a suited man without contract to this our present, his future. the island will only accept the few who are worthy. For this reason, there is passage to only those with open body to goonies. My own bumps are pre-adolescent, but with an ample rear for temptations. This rear is unknown.

sloth said...

Hammy, is the rear open? Will it gain access to the island?

sloth said...

Sloth wants to be open. Sloth will take a class in openings.

mountain man said...

Hammy you sound as though you are rear-open to join the initiation with firm clubs. I love your ampleness and all your wily ways. I want the swelling to continue, for the lack of appropriateness to always be part of your ways. I love you.

mountain man said...

Sloth seems very very open. Maybe if fur is in looser weave, openings will come through the skin. The transderm is for you.

sloth said...

If the goons do not speak, how do they communicate with each other? Telepathically? Transdermically?

Dark Mission said...

This island is secretive and in the mysterious fog away from the earth. I love you all and wish to join. We need to memorialize these journeys inward in ritualistic music-making. Antics.

sloth said...

(or do you say: transdermally?)

mountain man said...

They communicate through piping and hand signals. The transdermal gas exchange is solely for the purpose of goon pro-creation.

mountain man said...

Dark Mission, I am willing to immerse in the antics. Ham and Sloth seem willing too.

sloth said...

Sloth has been studying with a guru. You should all meet her. She is fantastic. She can elevate and hover; Sloth is sure she can teach the openness.

mountain man said...

Sloth, I have always wanted to learn how to hover. I want to meet this guru.

sloth said...

Sloth is truly lucky to know so many remarkable critters.

Anonymous said...

Is this like yogic jumpng, where the faux spiritual bounce and then smash their knees into the ground.

krixfort said...

can the goons communicate using semaphore? That is what I would like to know. If so, I would be willing to act as a translator if need be.

Anonymous said...

These and other forms of psychokinesis are easily debunked, thusly proving the impossibility of any spirituality. I think I have a cold, maybe allergies, an intrusion, but it is definitely not spiritual.

sloth said...

Anonymous, this guru is not yogic or magical-thinking. She is the real deal, and can actually hover. She has perfect control; you have to see it.

mountain man said...

Krix, the hand signals are related to semaphore but are quicker and without flags. The palms are used as flag substitutes. So possibly, they may need you for interpreting. Since you are maybe looking for a new job, perhaps this would be good???

krixfort said...

It depends on the commute. I may try to commune with them to see if they are amenable to my contract negotiations.

krixfort said...

MM, will you come and eat corndogs with me this weekend? I'm working on strengthening my cholesterol. I fear it is too low.

mountain man said...

Krix, mine is too low too!!! Corn dogs are just the healthy thing to level out. I would love to have some with you. Maybe onion rings too? I love.

krixfort said...

that sounds like a fantabulous idea! Maybe PD will join us and bring Jack.

sloth said...

You mean Mr. D?

mountain man said...

Yes Jack of Great Daniels fame. Not to be confused with Jack Dank of Mr. Dank fame. Who is still perched crotchward in my bedroom, by the way.

sloth said...

He's still airing it out, MM? Oh my, Sloth hopes he doesn't catch cold.

Jacques said...

MMMMMMM scrumdillyicious, Jack dogs and corn Daniels. And how could I forget the Onion Rings with ketchup. My mouth is watering just thinking of eating all this in bed with y'all. Bed is the best playground, no?

mountain man said...

Oh Jacques, you sound tres comme le pervert. You stay in bed and maybe Mr. Dank will come hang with you, as they say, for a while. Tous les choux sont fous!!!!

krixfort said...

I want to hang as well. I am prepared for the hanging. I am feeling pendulous.

Jacques said...

M. Krixfort, your mentioning of this pendulousness is, how you say, making me very exciting. I wish to give you a rope bra perhaps. Is this what you may want with these corndogs and Jack.
Jacques

mountain man said...

Jacques is a live wire.

krixfort said...

speaking of live wires, I would very much be interested in shock therapy if that is available.

Peter said...

I want to shock your monkey.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Gabriel, you're a prevert.

goblin said...

crotchgoblin, you are a digrace to the family. How dare you show your face around these lovable goons. I am ashamed.

PD said...

Yes!! Jack and corn dogs--I'm there. Onion rings have a tremendous effect on lowering cholesterol!!

sloth said...

Maybe the goons will join you for the corndogs and onion rings. You could stage a freudian ring-toss event using the foodstuffs. It will make a poignant irony, considering the goons' lack of genitalia.

brain surgery said...

Sloth you are gorgeous.
I want to toss you conceptually.
Salad toss ala Emerson, Lake and Palmer...

General Genital said...

Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends. We're so glad you could attend, come in side etc.

mountain man said...

Um excuse me though, what is the relationship between salad and ELP? Please forgive me if I am missing something obvious. I truly agree with you about Sloth. Sloth is a beauty of a being.

Freudian Ring Toss said...

Everyone cut out the crotch of your pants. Please meditate on your mother and toss rings of onion onto firm stakes in the ground. Remain asexual on pain of punishment with hammers.

Anonymous said...

wow MM you be slow as molasses this eve

Brain Salad Surgery
geiger gate fold cover and all


Square!

mountain man said...

I am sorry I never had that album. I never listened to ELP except for a song or two. I so embarrassed. Please forgive my dumbness. I am having a shitty time.

Sad said...

I am incapable of having relationships with human beings. Cats are ok. Husbands, friends, grandmothers, cousins, no go. Tonight my mother told me I should apologize to my elderly cousin, a cousin of my grandmother, due to my neglect of her. I feel great.

Anonymous said...

Embrace yourself in the fecal reality of it all. Open yourself to the apologies. Shit happens.

Sad said...

You are right. And yet I resist the very idea. I don't want to be lectured. I mess up all the time and I know it, yet I hate to be told so. I am unwilling and stubborn. Once in a while, I get it right and give something sweet to the right person at the right time. But the rest of the time is avoidance and neglect. Hurt, dread. You are right. Apology must happen. Elderly ladies deserve phone calls and sweetness, no matter how they behave.

Anonymous said...

Everyone deserves the goodness that is you. Now, are you you?

Sad said...

I am me.

Sad said...

It is porscine.

Anonymous said...

this sounds suspiciously like hippie shit, but hell they were popular for a reason and if you look back just a few millenia, seems everybody wanted a more open sense of self and always had difficulties once they tried to express themselves, meaning their true selves, people, as in masses of people, don't like that because it is more difficult to deal with and it doesn't necessarily promote smooth operating systems of commerce and heirarchical power structures. The self is the truest and most mutable and most powerful force ever....scary.

krixfort said...

I never liked the ELP. hope that doesn't offend.

krixfort said...

I just had to say that about ELP because I am being myself.

Honesty is good. I am me. I hat ELP. I don't like ELO either.

Not making light. Just stating facts.

krixfort said...

not only do I hat ELP but I don't like them either.

mountain man said...

Krix I am with you on the hats, the ELP and the ELO. Nor do I like BTO. Genesis however, is another story.

Sad said...

I feel better today, thank you, anonymous.

mountain man said...

I am feeling generous with my hand motions today, in the manner of the goons. I drank high quantities of delicious cold wine last night. I ate spicy sausages and meats. Yum yum yum. I am reinforced by these elemental dietary necesseties. Today is a day for pulping.

lucky charms said...

top o' the mornin' MM. Would you like some orange stars? Perhaps some yellow moons or green clovers? What about new blue diamonds? Or a wee Guiness?

Erin go bragh, MM, erin go bragh. I love ya. That's no blarney.

mountain man said...

I haven't had a leprechaun in my midst in quite some time. I am lucky, charmed one. I am contemplating purchasing a hose to wear around my waist today.

lucky charms said...

that's a mighty foine idea, MM. Mighty foine indeed. Would it be a garden hose you're thinking of? Or lady's hose?

mountain man said...

A garden hose. A very very long one.

sloth said...

Lovely, MM. If it was long enough, you wouldn't even have to wear overalls. The hose would cover your bottom-parts.

mountain man said...

I was thinking of wrapping it around my bulging middle for lumbar support. I may incorporate weeds into the hose, for decoration. I am headed to the Chelsea forest later and want to look my weedy, hosey best.

Truckstop said...

I am waiting for action. Everyone here is a lunatic and that's why I like you. It's fun to be sad when other people are around to give you tickles.

Frail Old Man said...

I am here truck stop. But I fear you will not want me, I have a concave chest.

krixfort said...

I will meet you there MM with the corndogs. I'll look for the weediest hosiest MM. See you there.

sloth said...

MM, you will be like a walking hanging garden! You can water your weeds with your hose... so self-sustaining and organic. Sloth loves.

mountain man said...

Thank you well-wishers. Corndogs are like vitamins. Hoses are like bows and tassles.

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