Monday, June 27, 2005

House Guests



They came for a visit, removed their bodies, attached themselves to the wall and now will not leave. Why is this always the way with house guests? Do they not realize that solitude is imperative? It is worse than Mr. Dank, the multiplicity of them and their lack of pupils make shivers down the hairy spine. They cause a worming, a lousing in the organ-center. I will offer them cookies laced with crap and see if that may send them on their way. Always perpetrating, these visitors, in their spare time, to enumerate bumps on the was-until-now smooth flesh. They are comely in this group organization, but I tell you, I am not prepared to host-organism them. Removal is what I seek.

82 comments:

Fifi said...

They left their bodies in a pile. Me ate them with ketchup and buns. Mmmmm. Sorry silly eyeless interlopers. Better luck next time.

sloth said...

Oops, they left their vibrators attached at the neck. This could be to your advantage, MM.

George said...

Sloth is right, you can ram them into every orifice with their vibrator-mounts. You may also use them on pets.

krixfort said...

I am familiar with the white interloper on the bottom. The one with the red hair. Not familiar in the biblical sense.

mountain man said...

Familiar in the trading of meats sense?

mountain man said...

I have taken them down from the wall and am wearing them as a headress. It is Mountain Man mating season. I am trying to attract viable partners.

postmoderndebunker said...

I would like a few so that I may attract pliable partners.

meredith said...

I am looking for a Master. Perhaps a soldier in fanciful costume.

fairy butler said...

would they like to come visit be in the beige. I will spread a blanket out on an unused portion of my sand dune. I will spray them with powerdery toilet deodorant, then urine. Their mouths can become my personal mini-toilets. Then I will not have to get up from my desk and waste time...precious time.

fairy butler said...

I think they are hungry for feces MM. Do not feed them cookies laced with crap. This is why the stick around. Feed them circus peanuts, their jaws cannot chew through the tough foam and then they will choke, falling one after one to the earth from the headress. Leave them there, struggling to breathe. This is as it must be.

fairy butler said...

Choking on a circus peanut is a dignified way to enter the earth's folds of stratums and inner hells.

ham paw said...

Their mouths are gaping. I have to stick them with pins and choke them like sausages. Lets crush them with bricks. May the world drown in yogurt.

killa tasties. said...

And then I will scotch tape worms to their gullets. Their cries will not be audible. There will be a slight crinckley noice of scotch tape. I will then use the heads as cleansing enema style meal for tuber breast. may she and Scott Peterson be joined for a lifetime.

killa tasties. said...

there will be a marriage at the correction institution with paper plates and sausages. These sausages evoke the massive tumor situated on the boob. The party treats will be corrosive. Her duty will be Scott Peterson's bathroom cleanup.

THE BEAST reigns supremely without help of the almighty said...

This duty will require a human hair brushes. Amen

Viktor said...

I am ready to enter the earth's stratum now. I do not have peanuts, but I have soy nuts.

mountain man said...

My goodness, what an array of fabulous kill ideas. Fairy, I believe their fate is sealed as multiple toilet bowls. Someone is sure to catch stray urine trickles this way. The circus peanut is bold but I have already stuffed them overfull with soft-boiled eggs. I muffled their murmuring with runny yolks and gelatinous whites. Bees of death came buzzing out their eyeholes. It is always pertinent for corpses to become decoration, this is the way of the anti-world.

mountain man said...

The earth's stratum is maybe filled with all types of non-nut nuts. Corn nuts, soy nuts, circus peanuts. They magnetically adhere in jumbles and form bulbous terrain that is not navigable without a pod/mini-space ship of some kind. A blimp-like ship that sprays jets of poison that burns away the non-nut accumulations. It is dark and orange glowy down there. Yes.

Horst said...

I am ready for the bathroom clean-up duties. I am not fearful of the heinous smells and piles of the toilet. I have my spray jet brush and fizz cleaner ready. I have studied the ways of Wandee Love and am ready to help with any mess.

PD said...

I want a cozy place beneath the slabs today.

PD said...

WARNING: The earth's stratum is a facility that packages peanuts/nuts. May contain pits, shells, seeds or other earthen objects.

Dimpleforth said...

I found a grouping like this in my closet when I was little. I was scarred for life and now am entirely mental. I am fearful of even my own spittle.

satanic entity of the ether said...

coffe enema will do the trick

fairy butler said...

is the earth's stratum hiring a conductor for the poisonstream-spray ship? This sounds like a job for the FB.

hp, why is tuber boob so obsessed with scott pederson? very odd I think.

ham the paw of god said...

she said, I quote, "I wish I could stick my fist up his you-know-what." shaking with rage.

krixfort said...

yes HP, the obsession with Scott Peterson is disturbing somewhat.

fairy butler said...

Did her ex-husband also try to murder her? Isn't his story all done now - he's in jail and is psycho, 'nough said? Maybe she is secretly writing to him in jail - in love with his boyish looks. a love/hate thing?

ham fist of the lord said...

She needs a tomcat like that to satiate her rages.

krixfort said...

HP, maybe she is attracted to him. Perhaps she fantasizes?

ooof.

tuber boob said...

"I want him to tie me up and carve away at my tuber boob. If I fist his bottom will be stroke my hunchback?"

krixfort said...

I think chewed up baby is lurking close by. I feel a chewed up presence. Is it a ghost of chewed up baby?

sloth said...

Tuber Boob, does your tuber have winking eyes? The doll-heads have a need for eyes. Perhaps they could borry a few? Otherwise they will have to steal them.

Chewed Up Baby said...

I have urges that need quelling. This is so upsetting.

Barney Hemstone said...

I am in prison for brutal serial rape. I have many good girlfriends who write to me from the outside. This is what they want, a helpless locked up man to love them proper without touches. They do not desire penetrations.

Anonymous said...

Blarney Stone, you are full of beans.

Anonymous said...

You are full of cabbage.

mountain man said...

Sloth I wanted to thank you for corroborating my mental illness/general uselessness feelings on Krix's blog. It is good to commune with similar others. I love you Slothy.

Laugh Track said...

MM you are useless, it's true. And I see that you have cone-shaped fleshy growths on your inner thighs. What are you thinking? Why are they in the shape of dunce caps?

mountain man said...

I am not sure, it is an arts and crafts project gone wrong. I also have laniard ties mixed up in my small intestines. I was trying to make camp-style gimp bracelets, knotting and braiding the colorfuls ties with my tracts with only gutteral digestive movements. My digestion is active and fouled up, I thought I could put it to good use this way and shit out cute bracelets to give to my friends. I am diseased.

Poison Anus said...

You will gum and sand up your anus but good. Your anus will need a good emory board treatment after this.

Someone said...

I do not want a bracelet from you. You are toxic. Please spray yourself with poison from your poisonstream airship. It is time for you to minimize.

mountain man said...

I will try that later after a few beers and some pills. First I want to get all high, then I will sear myself with the burning poison as you suggest. FB, I bought some circus peanuts at the snack shack below the earth. You were right, I have had to spit out a series of them, as they are too bounce-backy to bite through. I am looking at a moon shape of 14 half-chewed orange non-nuts. They are still glistening with my spittle. They look like shriveled alien ovaries. I want to save them in jars and pretend this is what they are.

Anonymous said...

C*nt Alert.

Crumb's brother said...

MM, creating an ethnic bracelet intestinally is the 14th ladder to enlightenment. You must meditate on this and proceed with caution. You will not shit this out, but pull the silvery threads with delicate tensions. There is no poo involved, it is a backward ass-rape from buddha.

fairy butler said...

The circus peanuts are made from recycled gym mats. They will not help with the internal regions, you are correct to spit them up.

mountain man said...

Brain emptied, frontal cortex having been removed, lackluster behavior now ensues.

Anonymous said...

Are you a zombie?

mountain man said...

That is my goal. I want to puncture holes in my skull and drip gin in through a turkey baster.

ham said...

who here is excited about the zombie movie? Pumped up!

Anonymous said...

I yawn and I sleep and I wait and I yearn but nothing releaves this persistant ache inside my skull. Gin and basting, now that sounds like a cure. How about Jack and stuffing?

mountain man said...

Let us all assemble (nude) for trepanation and gin-basting.

Ham, what is your diagnosis?

mountain man said...

Skull aches are hard to soothe, the noises brings harm, the silence causes body squeak awareness which can drive one mad.

Dark Spiral said...

I want to go back to the time before when nothing was known to me and all was the walls around me, known in the cracks and corners, felt and read, rhebus-like, into, without the forceful presence of the outside figures. There are too many absorbent pores, shame is palpable.

Anonymous said...

Here's what it takes. First off, cut off hands, second, jump into water. Then I will bask in sun with your hands.

mountain man said...

Anonymous, I will not allow you to take my hands without knowing your identity.

Anonymous said...

I am a creature of the night. I have no morals.

Anonymous said...

There were times when I was normal, but that is no longer the case.

ham paw said...

anonymous. Why so angrY? I think you might want some slaps to help you out of your raging funk?

ham paw said...

MM, wear mittens until I round up this monkey. I have trickery.

mountain man said...

Morals are for square dancers and bowlers. Anonymous, I will give you my hands but you MUST reveal yourself. Ham, please clear your chest with scoops of furballs. I love you.

mountain man said...

Anonymous, what was normal like for you?

Anonymous said...

the kind with claws. get the picture pumpkin?

Evilbot said...

This hand removal is a ploy to get your action figures. Please disregard it.

mountain man said...

No I don't get the picture. I hate pictures.

ham paw said...

Keep the action fingers, MM. There are hard to reattatch. I know from experience. once they got mine and kept them for 2 years. There was so much crying.

Dark Spiral said...

The grunters gather. It is time for pornography.

mountain man said...

Why did they return the fingers? What color were they when you got them back? Were they returned to you via regular mail?

Anonymous said...

smarten up, I know you like pictures cause you look at them. That is so easy to figure out!!!

Anonymous said...

I am drinking water with bugs in it. I don't mind.

mountain man said...

I look at them with hate and dread. I really despise them.

ham paw said...

I got them back when I completed my degree. They were tarnished and melted.

mountain man said...

Smartening up is for senior citizens and the wives of powerful men. That type of behavior modification does not interest me, get it?

mountain man said...

Like candles on a cake? Do you have feeling in them now that they are reattached?

Anonymous said...

get what? I don't understand these complexities.

Dark Spiral said...

Please place me in a coffin under the earth. I am ready.

mountain man said...

I don't know. I forgot, anonymous. Are you drunk? I will be very very soon.

ham paw said...

When I was released I was crusted over with a too thin thick skin. My fingers felt uncomfortable and unmanageable. now they are back in business!!!!!!!!!!

ham paw said...

I am a cANNONBALL and a warrior of the peoples of the hallways. This is a calling to skin the heads of the infidels!

sloth said...

MM, are you drunk yet? Let us know when you are really impaired.

sloth said...

HP, first knock the hallway-peeps down with a head-butt. Then scalp-um.

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