Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Now You Know

About the finger of the chicken, the finger that came before the chicken and the different finger that comes post-chicken. Ham Paw made a feast for me last night that rattled my gutterals. I am flat on my back this morning, however this is not due to the Paw that came before and after the Ham. It is my faulty foundations. My back is out of whack. I want to apologize to Ham Paw for not being able to participate more fully in the breaded item ritual.

I am feeling in a welcoming mood today. In spite of my powerlessness, I seek to comb and shine my hairs everywhere. I wil use a small comb with fine teeth and care for each strand. Then I will delegate unguents to glisten like dew drops on the tips of every single one.

62 comments:

Before and After said...

I can't find anywhere to go that's in between where I can stay. I am only always pre and post. I cannot rest.

Traffic Cop said...

I will try to keep you moving, but I can't promise. You must close your eyes and enjoy the moment.

Vincent Price in House of Wax said...

As for the hair, depilate it. Ain't no use being a hair farmer anyway, anywhere, the bitches love that.....smooth like Mad Dog 20/20.

Anonymous said...

Frozen fingers?

ham paw said...

No worries man of the mount. I felt powerful as I spoon fed. you look like a cute little bird with your mouth open wide for the chicken finger. I like to dribble the breading on your hair. It makes for beautiful texture. Someday we must go to a sanitorium together and have an IV for a month or more. Lets rid the body. high colonics for everyone!

fabeebles said...

Krunk power y'all! It adds the shines to all them tresses. Comb it out and smooth it down. MM, have you experimented with a white, nylon doo rag? You can buy one over at the 99cent store and it makes the dudes stylin right. And when ya dribble you can soak up the dew with the tails.

ham paw said...

dearest MM, do not be afraid. Let the tiny people join the landscape. They are hiding behind rocks now and wish to frollick.

mountain man said...

Thank you Hammy Pawlet and Fabeebly. I will dribble and frolic as I like to in secret. White nylon is the wave of future perfect.

Good will is coming to me in the form of small people and strange furry heads.

Sushi Blameful said...

Many lucks in small people, Mountain.
I dream graveyards and overpasses and much sun.
Most excellent Johnny Cash songs and whiskey.

Sushi Blameful said...

I blame towtrucks and taxis.

mountain man said...

Yes sushi. All is nigh in the graveyard of hope.

Pope Benedict XVI said...

I hope you feel better soon.

mountain man said...

Thank you Pope Joe. I feel magic that you visited my blog. Please don't expect me to convert though. I am a strict Pagan.

postmoderndebunker said...

Hey MM, I can't believe you got the Pope to check in! How I envy you...and miss you muchly.

Marcia H. said...

I am more impressed by chicken-finger-rapes than with the Pope.

mountain man said...

I am very impressed with the rapes with the fingers of chicken. That will be a part of my mind party for years. Hey PD!!! So glad you are back. How is your mind party? Are you a fiction of your own ideas?

ham paw said...

My mind party had a sparkling meteor. It was quieted. there is now a tiger.

postmoderndebunker said...

I am always having a mind party and it is rockin' in the fictional sense and what have you.

The rapes ain't no fiction though. I thought the rapes were a cluster of islands in the Carribian.

postmoderndebunker said...

OOPS! I mean the CARRIBEAN! Geez.

fairy butler said...

HP, are you referring to the eye of the tiger by chance? I see 10 tiny blue eyes, they are half asleep tiger babies. They are watching.

Mrs. Paul said...

What's with the chicken fingers? How about fish sticks?

Rocky IV said...

I'm a man with a will to survive.

naive said...

dear mountain man, is it wrong to yell at your boss for being lazy?

Ted said...

dude pope benedick! how awesome is that! you're like historical!

confused christian said...

Poop Benedict is old, why is that? Why do we, the christian folks of this world, have another old geezer who will leave us soon??

confused catholic said...

i didn't think you catholics like poops

mountain man said...

I am having a showcase showdown with the tiger babies. Their eyes are just slits right now. But they are blue and I know they know I am watching.

mountain man said...

I am trying to think of figurative action. Chili Pepper is inspiring me. I am trying to get her to crouch, it is not easy, I forget what crouch looks like.

Dodo said...

My brain is mush. I am eating banana mush.

I have to go to a celebration later that makes me nervous.

mountain man said...

Shh.

PD said...

Mountain Man...you are so subtle and abstract today! I love that.

mountain man said...

It is less rotund that way.

Chewed Up Baby said...

I am wondering something. What does Ham Paw look like? I picture him hairless and ascetic. But is he really a he? Is he a herm?

PD said...

Let's hear it for rotundity!! Woo Hoo. It is the new black.

Lolita G. said...

I like to have my boyfriend, Dom, perform the rapes on me with fish sticks--is that so wrong?

Jewelry Thief said...

No it is not wrong. Is he your master? Do you want him to? That is the true questionality.

Lolita G. said...

oh Jewelry Thief, I do, I do want him to! And he obliges and it is so grand.

Fresh Lettuce said...

I am performed by others on others as rapes. It has to be a larger opening however, for I am an iceberg style lettuce.

mountain man said...

Youch, that sounds hurty and gives me the pains just reading about it. A head of iceberg. Tarnation that sounds nasty.

sloth said...

A carrot would certainly make more sense. Or even a zuccini. Salad, anyone?

Lolita G. said...

I find fresh fruits and vegetables are not prime tools--they are not fried, for one thing.

sloth said...

calamari is delicious, but perhaps not quite functional either.

sloth said...

Wait... how about chicken fingers on your fingers with calamari rings - pretty, and also smellerific!

Lolit G. said...

Yes, calamari would be great if it was more, say, tube-like.

Lolita G. said...

Yes! That sounds sublime sloth!

mountain man said...

Calamari as jewelry, nice. I gotst to fashion people out of pipe cleaners now. To be healing in the way of flabbergasting, in the way of making now really here.

mountain man said...

Tubes are a specialty of mine. You can fully order them now at Ned's. True! They come in citrus flavors.

sloth said...

and textural, for the pleasure.

mountain man said...

Yes, yes the pleasure of the texture.

mountain man said...

I am fully loaded with an army of bandits wearing metal outfits. I know I said they were made of pipe cleaners, but picture them as flesh and metal. It's more winsome.

Diamond Eyes Bokanski said...

I am very small-proportioned and have extremely tiny hands. I do believe the calamari and chicken would fall right off my fingers.

Blue Skull said...

I am starting to think this is a mess, with the breading falling everywhere and all.

mountain man said...

Blue Skull, shhhhh.

sloth said...

blue skull, love is messy sometimes. that's just the way it is.

sloth said...

bokanski, you could use the small-sized fingers, the pinkies really, and also the small calamari, from the tip of the squid. try it, it's fun!

foilage said...

MM, do you smoke a pipe? Is this why you have pipe cleaners?

krixfort said...

i wanted to say a small bleeting hello to MM, and Ham Paw, and PD, and Fairy B.
hi.

PD said...

A shout out to you Krixy! Wazzzup yo?

ham paw said...

I'm troubled by myself. The hopscotch has dissipated in my zeal for the new tools. It is unfortunate for the stomach which is tempting those around it with gasses. Meets and cheeses.

mountain man said...

Hammy, please no trouble on yourself. Be gentle in the inner regions and remember the stretchings of the toad scenario. The truly stretching routine of u-shaping. You will get back to an ascetic rapture, free of wantonness, free of earthly cares. The little tiny ones have been loosed and are frolicking beneath the structure of towering thorns. Symbols. Good.

ham paw said...

thank you for your concerns. my inner guts seem to have calmed, but a strange and mysterious sound trumpeted from my long line of internal highways and byways this morning. I was so scared that my aromas would follow me. It is noxious, but strange for vegetariham.

ham paw said...

It seems that chicken fingers are unlawful for my temple.