Monday, March 14, 2005

Crimes

The crimes that were perpetrated against Mountain Man include (but are not limited to) the following:

1. There was supposed to be a party for a show MM was in on Friday night. Just as MM arrived, the dealer left. There was no one at the gallery but MM, Beth and Gertrude. Oh yes, there was one more. He will be mentioned in the second item on this list.

2. Bob came to the faux-party/joke on MM. Bob was glum. He tried to spread glumness to MM by telling him that he was "doing well for his station." Fooey on you Bob.

3. On Saturday morning MM was to be at his gallery to show some drawings to potential buyers. This sadly did not occur. MM showed up with a large unwieldy portfolio wearing his finest green fur suit. When he arrived at his appointed time he stood alone in the hallway, locked out of the gallery. He fearfully waited. The dealer arrived and asked him to help set up the brunch. For 3 hours MM waited to show off is wares, as he was told he would be encouraged to do. This did not happen. MM cracked jokes with a nice leopard-headed henchman instead. He left somewhat dejected.

4. Mountain Man had a giant zit on his cheek all weekend.

5. Mountain Man had a lot of tummy aches.

6. Mountain Man cried early Sunday afternoon. He tried to buck up. Now here he is on Monday a numb and lifeless man.

11 comments:

Kelly Gordon said...

That sounds like a tough time for you. But at least you have some friends to pal around with. How's the tum?

beef cheeks said...

I am not allowed to go out on the weekends.

Anonymous said...

i hope you go down. you are dreadful. i know who you are. i know how hateful you are.

timmy said...

Don't worry. You are a very sweet man and I know that you will triumph in the end. If I could get my hands on Bob.... lets just say that he'd be put in his "station". I bet that dealer will be sorry some day. So don't cry, those punks are dumb and probably ugly by the sound of it.

Mountain Man said...

Thank you Timmy. Bob is a menace.

Hugs said...

I think I know this Bob. He is a lukewarm painter with a lot of pretension. He pushes people around with his ignorance. Our one consolation is his dire misery.

Anonymous said...

frustrating to hear mountain man. some people should be pinned to a ping pong table while you take a hot steamy dump on their chest

Cut said...

You should Cut all three worms with Knives. Cuts are hard to recover from if you Cut properly.

Bob said...

MM, you tiny man. You are at a lower station than me. I had to acknowledge the difference in our status. But I said you were doing very well! I don't know why you are so hurt. Your artwork is fairly strong. I should know because I am slightly better than you. I will take you under my wing and give you good advice.

Mountain Man said...

There are two people who are fighting on the other side of my cubicle. They have been bickering on and off all day. I cannot focus properly on my tantrums. They sound foolish. It is a torment.

bob said...

Dear New Bob,
I have been posting on this blog for some time now and believe you should give your full name so that others do not confuse me with your insipid and self protective haughtiness. You sound like an asshole and if you are who I think you are, your paintings quite suck ass....in a bad way.