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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Mishap
My friend Gish has had a mishap with the Hair Club for Men products he was using. It is nervous-making him unto a chump. He is going to stay with me for a few days until it falls out. The hair I mean. He is nice, this Gish. He made me waffles for breakfast and he is assisting me with my attempts at Gutteral Erosions of the positive kind. We are thinking of the method of the hairball to purge the system of unmentionables.
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Sheesh, this is a mess! Meet me at the shaving station in Grand Central Terminal and we'll see what we can do.
ReplyDeleteTerror on his face is hirsute and fleshly-lipped. He is beautiful, in receipt of an award for outstanding behavior.
ReplyDeleteI want to plant flowers in his soily face. That would be pretty.
ReplyDeletePretty man.
ReplyDeletenice eyes.
ReplyDeleteMM, you are the best!! Gish has a great friend!
ReplyDeleteA face garden, yes, a multiflowerous face garden and maybe peas. Deloise, I want to run away with you.
ReplyDeleteGish is some dish, I must say. Very handsome indeed! And manly, with stud written all over his face (under the hair-mask). Mountain Man has competition.
ReplyDeleteHello Hairball, wake up.
ReplyDeleteHAIRBALL, WAKE UP!
ReplyDeleteThe hairball is not sleeping. He has awakened.
ReplyDeleteSloth is most admiring of this thatch. Very glossy and thick. The fur was always there, on the inside. It has just manifested on the dermis for better reception.
ReplyDeleteHairball feels nice. He is nice to the throat.
ReplyDeleteI am sending the fluffers to Gish. They want to groom.
ReplyDeletehands feel nice around a throat.
ReplyDeleteMountain Man, you seem a bit of a Puss today. What's the matter? Did Gish do Beth?
ReplyDeleteThank you Fairy, the fluffers have already started arriving with their fluffy stuffs. It is wonderful to have them as assistants. I didn't know there were so many and that they were so small.
ReplyDeletePinkeye you are low-class. I would not ever "do" Beth. She is over at AJ's, on loan for a while.
ReplyDeleteI have heard about "hairy palms" but this is something else!
ReplyDeleteyeah, MM, did you finally dump Beth?
ReplyDeleteStop it you guys. Mountain Man is just mad at me because I am petulant. He will let me back in; I know it.
ReplyDeleteBeth you are delusional.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I act like such a rodent all the time. It's only because I love you so much and you give me the snarfs and make me so nervous because you are so very tall. I crawl around on the floor like a little ratty and call you names when what I mean to say is how much I adore you. I am such a brat. I can't help it.
ReplyDeleteMethinks Gish be Manimal -- the eighties morphmaster changeling. Watch out! He becomes the beaver.
ReplyDeleteI want to watch him become this fascinating toothy animal. Gish, is it true? Are you the manimal?
ReplyDeleteTis true. I am beginning to morph. The front tooths are growing buckish.
ReplyDeleteLumber must be protected.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a paid advertisement.
ReplyDeleteMountain Man, be strong. Do not let Beth worm her way back into your hole...or visie versie.
ReplyDeleteOh Beth, it is not the snarfs I am giving you, but playful reminders of your petulance. Besides, I am not that tall. Cease and desist this acting like a rodent. You are a pet and should adore unconditionally. Petulance is conditional.
ReplyDeleteI'm into you Beth--for purely sexual reasons tho.
ReplyDeleteI am nice and gentle and very kind. I am not a Larry G. or anything.
Oh that's a low blow Preston. Larry wasn't so bad. I can say that now because the estate has not been settled.
ReplyDeleteUh, like I dated this hairy freak and it was Ga-ross! Oral sex was so scratchy.
ReplyDeleteTsk, tsk, someone is impersonating Mountain Man! Very naughty indeed. To what end? What does this miscreant hope to achieve? Miscreants are loose and untrustworthy. I hope I will not have to cut off anyone's limbs. Especially when they must already be so sick.
ReplyDeleteall this back and forth with Beth MM. Please. Just smack her in the chops and be done with it.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think it is like going down on you Stace?
ReplyDeleteIt's ok, I want you to cut off my limbs. I won't feel it and I will look prettier.
ReplyDeletethat was me. I was feeling delusional. too much hijinx.
ReplyDeleteit wasn't really me. I don't know what I am saying. my dendrites are screaming.
ReplyDeleteGish, can you come over and help me clean my house. I want you to wash my dishes with your face. That's hot.
ReplyDeleteKrix I confusey. If it was you I would forgive. Oh welly. I am sapped of forthwithness today. The hairs are the most interesting things to me this day. I am headed out into the fair sunshine to learn more about the extended world. I want to insert myself into the teemingness.
ReplyDeleteI am excellent at all types of housework.
ReplyDeleteMountain Man
ReplyDeleteI love you. I am sorry I let so many things get in the way of me saying this. I am nervous and jumpy. I know I should trust and love you unconditionally. You have been nothing but good to me, and have helped me become the person I am today (except for the bad parts, of course) I feel powerful in your arms and skittish when I am away. Please accept my apology. I will be strong. I love you.
The repository of white goo is not a help. There is no remediation.
ReplyDeleteBeth, eat some snausages and lick your anus. I don't appreciate your insults and your lack of understanding. You are losing your already tenuous grip on your sanity. You are setting a bad example for all women.
ReplyDeleteanonymous, you are nobody and have said nothing
ReplyDeleteIt is clear that MM still loves Beth but he is holding onto his anger. He is steadfast in his desire not to be bossed around by some chick that acts like a small dog or rat. I predict a reunion. But not without gashes.
ReplyDeleteTad, aren't you that loser from Jersey that I saw loitering outside of Ned's last week? Do you have brown hair?
ReplyDeleteMountain Man
ReplyDeleteAre you okay? Are you confussy?
What insults? Beth just said she loved you. Bitch that she is. But such harsh words out of nowhere; is there another blog we should be looking at?
no anon. I am from Brooklyn, yo.
ReplyDeleteI take it you are from nowhere
I am hiding behind and within and not eager to emerge fully ever. It is not overt mirroring of preternatural sickliness but spongelike absorption of too many factors. It is covered in tar and blackened, a strong smell emits and predicts battle, deeply entrenched. Merging is impossible, only separate stale units crinkling and wrinkling into stupor.
ReplyDeleteBeth seems nice on the outside, a front for your benefit, but she is demonic and unruly.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input, I am harsh to the quick when it comes to her and will take what you say as an example of opinionation and will consider it highly.
battle is foreplay.....
ReplyDeleteBeth is my boon. I will punch her and she keeps coming up like a Weeble. Weebly Beth if only your voice were sweeter in timbre, your limbs more encasing of understanding troublespots, and less accusatory of the bastardization of the self that comes in and out of every day like drips through the ceiling to make you maggot-ridden. The reunion will take place on daytime television.
ReplyDeleteWhat channel, Mountain?
ReplyDeleteI can't get out.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Channel of the Days of the Sands before Time.
ReplyDeleteI don't watch the tv so I don't know the channels. You tell me you snausage.
ReplyDeletePerhaps Beth should be made to wear the rubber mask for a while. There's nothing like identity loss to shape up a rogue wench.
ReplyDeleteJust go supernova. It's slendiferous.
ReplyDeleteNow we're talking........
ReplyDeleteBlack tar.
ReplyDeleteDemons. Eyes. Tired. Hates.
ReplyDeleteCorporeal lacks spread like jam into crevices. There is nothing left but the shed. The longhouse.
ReplyDeleteOwwww, where did this salami come from?
ReplyDeleteThanks PD I will come over with my meat collection.
ReplyDeleteoh go puke and flush, dark poop spiral. you just want to be unhappy.
ReplyDeleteme, i am an event horizon in the making....
Bloody meats.
ReplyDeleteBloody meats and bloody marys.
ReplyDeleteI am confusey too MM. I have something akin to turrets today. Please forgive. I love you. I hate beth. I am airborne.
ReplyDeletegardy-loo!
ReplyDeleteToxic mush. Porpoise thigh. Intolerance of messed fouls. Confusey. Ransacked brain. Go to gym. Go to sweat place.
ReplyDeleteMmmm, turrets. Turrets and ramparts. Rough fun.
ReplyDeletePuss.
ReplyDeleteI need to know where I can find a mace. I am going to swing it on the subway. Possibly the E train.
ReplyDeleteMace is a good idea. I have some in my fur. Come and get it little lady.
ReplyDeleteKrixy, you might be thinking of a flail. Here is a good source for both:
ReplyDeletehttp://rochampion.tripod.com/equipment.html
have fun! Sloth
Oops, sloth was wrong. It's the smasher, a type of mace. My bad.
ReplyDeleteSloth! The flail was exactly what I was thinking of. I did not know the maces were subdivided into their own categories. That is crazy. I must investigate these weapons of singular destruction.
ReplyDeleteA flail would be pretty useful for clearing out a little breathing-room on the E train, Krix. Sloth will try this very inspired idea.
ReplyDeleteMountain Man, do you look like Meryl Streep in "The Deer Hunter?"
ReplyDeleteMountain Man...are you a she?
ReplyDeleteMountain Man,
ReplyDeleteI know who you are, where you live and what you cook and paint.
Beware. The. Ides. Of. Mom.